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Punishment:
Need for Restraint
By Dr. Niranjan Shendurnikar
Every child needs to be disciplined
in order to behave in a manner acceptable to others and observe the defined
limits of freedom. Sometimes punishment becomes unavoidable, when the child
either breaks a rule or misbehaves. Parents can use the following guidelines
to instill a sense of discipline in their child. It will also help them
use punishment as a corrective method effectively as and when needed.
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Parents need to observe consistency
in their behaviour with children. Practicing overindulgence and overprotection
alternating with extreme strictness and punishment is to be avoided. Contradictory
opinions expressed by parents and grandparents would confuse the child
and he would not realize the reason for being punished.
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Try to give one reminder or warning
to the child before the child is actually punished. Do not give threats
if you don't intend to carry them out.
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Do not punish your child for behaviour
that may be part of his normal development such as occasional bedwetting,
thumb sucking or tantrums.
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Do not punish your child for accidental
mishaps. If your child drops a soft drink on the carpet, do not scold him
but tell him to be more careful next time. Such encouragement will help
the child in his learned responses.
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Ignore minor and unimportant incidents,
particularly if the child is young, such as sulking, tantrums and interruptions.
Similarly, demands for small items should not be denied without appropriate
consideration.
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Use of non-verbal communication such
as good eye contact and firm denial is often all that is needed for minor
misdeeds.
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Physical punishments such as spanking,
hitting, etc. are one of the most undesirable forms of punishments. Parents
who have no control over their tempers could injure their children. Physical
punishment makes the child more defiant and aggressive, rather than offering
any solution to the basic problem.
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Temporary 'time-out' punishment is one
of the most effective disciplinary techniques. This involves isolating
a child for a brief period of time. It provides a 'cool off' time, both
for the parents and the child. He may be put in the corner of a room, or
on a chair alone and the period should not last beyond 5 to 10 minutes.
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Withdrawing a child 's privileges temporarily,
such as not allowing him to watch his favorite serial on TV or delaying
him for play activities can help the child to understand the results of
his action. However, never withhold food or water from the child.
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Never make the punishment severe or
prolonged as it may lead to a feeling of insecurity, hostility and repression
in your child. However, at the same time, the child must be made to realize
that there would be some unpleasant consequences if he crosses acceptable
limits of behaviour.
Once the punishment is over,
see that your love and acceptance of the child gets through to him. Do
not let the act of punishment become a power struggle between you and your
child. Tell him that your response is to his undesirable behaviour and
not against him as a person. This will ensure that you and your child continue
to enjoy good emotional health for a healthy and happy childhood!
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