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Accepting
Compliments
The ability
to accept a compliment is a social grace that should be cultivated. It
is so simple to thank a person for a compliment, yet it is amazing when
you consider that most of us are not very good at accepting compliments,
and often answer compliments by selling ourselves short.
"That's a lovely
dress you're wearing!"
"Really? I
don't like the colour too much."
"I love your
haircut."
"Oh no! My
hairdresser cut off too much! I just wanted him to cut an inch, and he's
ruined it! I hate it!"
By doing this,
we give the message that the complimenter is being insincere or that he
doesn't really know what he's talking about.
On the other
hand, you may be tempted to give a smart aleck response to a compliment.
"Wow, your
bangles are beautiful!"
"I know they
are!"
"I love your
top!"
"Of course!
Everybody does! I have great taste!"
You probably
think that by answering in this manner you are being witty or funny. But
in reality, you are only throwing the compliment back in the face of the
complimenter. Think about it. The person saw something nice in you, and
wanted to make you feel good by complimenting you. But giving an arrogant
response, trying to make light of the matter or making a joke, shows that
you are either not comfortable receiving a compliment, or that you don't
really care about the opinion of the person complimenting you.
Why are we
uncomfortable accepting compliments? One of the most common reasons is
that we genuinely believe that we are not deserving of the compliment.
If you have finished a painting but the painting has a few flaws visible
to you, you may be tempted to point out those flaws when someone compliments
you on the painting. Resist the temptation, smile and thank the person
instead. Say something like, "I took a long time over this painting, and
I did hope it would turn out to be nice."
Similarly,
if someone tells you that your dress is looking nice, don't say "Oh this
old rag? I was thinking of giving it away because I don't like it." Maybe
you were indeed thinking of giving it away, but obviously the person who
complimented you, did so because they thought it was looking nice on you,
and didn't know how old your dress is. Instead, say something like, "Thank
you. It is old now, but I still love it. I have always felt that this colour
suits me."
In this manner,
you are acknowledging the compliment, thanking the person for complimenting
you, and subtly sending across the message that the complimenter is clever
and astute for recognizing that a particular colour or style looks good
on you.
Certain compliments
may make us suspicious and we begin to wonder if the person complimenting
us has any ulterior motive. At times we may be tempted to refute compliments
because we find them insincere. But just because we haven't considered
a particular aspect of our dress or personality to be appealing, doesn't
mean no one else considers it to be so.
It is best
to discount all these suspicions and negative emotions, and take compliments
at face value. If someone compliments you, don't squirm. Look them in the
eye, smile, and say thank you. Once you have done this a few times, you
could add a line of appreciation for the compliment, such as, "When I first
bought this I wasn't sure if I made the right choice, so every time someone
compliments me, I feel so much better!"
It goes without
saying that a statement of appreciation comes easier if it is genuine,
and with practice. You may feel awkward at first, but gradually accepting
compliments with grace will become second nature to you.
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