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Listen
To Your Child
Do you really
listen to your child? Oh yes I do, you reply. But take a moment and think
about it. You know who your child's best friend is, but do you know your
child's favourite colour? While most parents have a rundown of a child's
day at school during dinner, how many parents take time out to discuss
a child's fears, apprehensions and doubts?
Radha, who
was in the 12th standard in high school, was feeling emotional as it was
the last few days of school. Then one evening, just after her farewell,
as she was studying a particular chapter, she burst into tears, as memories
of school flooded back. Her father saw her crying and asked her what the
matter was. When she said she was upset because she was leaving school,
and that she would miss everyone there, her father, instead of sitting
down to talk to her about it, just clicked his tongue, irritated, and told
her to stop behaving in this ridiculous manner and get back to studies.
Radha, now a mother of 2 children, remembers this incident to this day,
and swears that she will never make light of her children's feelings.
Don't make light
of your child's feelings
If your child
is feeling bad after having fought with his best friend Aryan, do you just
shrug it off and tell him, "It doesn't matter, you have many more friends"?
Do you tell him that he will make up the next day with Aryan so to forget
about it? Or do you sit down and discuss why your child is feeling hurt?
What exactly did Aryan do or say to hurt him? Perhaps your child misunderstood?
What does your child plan to do now? Will he apologise? Or will he wait
for Aryan to apologise?
Many parents
make the mistake of ignoring their child when he is upset about something,
thinking that he will grow out of it. Yes, your child will no doubt get
over whatever happened to upset him, but if you discourage him talking
about it, then your child will start feeling as though his feelings don't
matter, and are of no importance.
Be patient
If your child
is having difficulty expressing himself, don't interrupt and try to finish
your child's sentence for them, and don't lose patience, let your mind
wander or change the topic. You're not doing a good job of listening.
Here's what
will happen if you don't listen to your child:
Your child
will not be able to express himself and his feelings clearly, and will
be unable to communicate well.
Not listening
may also have the opposite effect, and your child may become extremely
loud and boisterous, to capture his parents' attention.
Your child
will, in all likelihood, have low-self esteem.
Importance of
Listening
Listening is
important because it is a major tool by which you can show your love for
your child, and in turn, you will be able to teach your child the importance
of listening to others.
If you listen
to your child, it will help him become a better communicator, and will
help him express his feelings more clearly and articulately.
If your child
is tense or upset, all he may need is someone to listen to, to reduce his
emotional anxiety.
You will also
get a better idea of your child's personality if you really listen to your
child. So many parents don't know what their children are really like.
And then they notice streaks of rebellion in their child, and wonder why.
Did they say something to hurt their child? They don't know, and will not
either because though their child told them, they never listened.
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