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Fighting in front of the Children
Battling parents Arti Khanna says, "Both me and my
husband are quick-tempered and our fights regularly escalate into full-fledged
shouting matches. But somewhere at the back of our minds we know the drill.
The fight is bound to blow over once we have given vent to our anger and
things will go on as before. I only realized recently how our constant
arguing affects the children when I found my 8-year-old son Rohan huddled
under the covers bawling after one of our fights. He had overheard me telling
my husband that I was fed up and wished that I could get away for a while.
I had a hard time explaining to him that when we are angry we often say
things we don't really mean."
Remember the children Any couple will tell you that marriage is no bed of roses. It has its ups and downs like any other relationship. Fighting and making up is all part of the game. But parents often forget that they are parents when having a battle royal with their spouses. They are so intent on shouting down their spouses, making their respective points and saying hurtful things that they overlook the fact that the fight does not affect just the two of them but also their children. Children are very observant and sensitive. They are quick to pick up on tensions and undercurrents. However, they are not very good at pinpointing the cause. When they hear raised voices and slammed doors they can't help but wonder, "Is it me?" Children's worlds revolve around
their parents. Parents are their security blankets and their safety nets.
They are supposed to provide their children with a constant sense of security
and a confidence that their parent's love and the marriage is as unshakeable
as the Rock of Gibraltar. Rumbles of discontent between parents leave children
feeling insecure and unsure whether it has something to do with them.
Drawing the lines of battle So before you start screaming about
your husband having lost a tidy pile on the stock market or arguing with
your wife about how she doesn't show enough respect to your parents, stop
and think that your children are likely to be the spellbound audience to
your little family drama. And it will be disturbing rather than entertaining
for them. However, this does not mean that parents do not have the right
to fight or argue just because they are parents. It is just that they will
have to learn to express their anger and communicate their frustration
in private and in ways that do not affect their children adversely.
The parent's manual to a 'good' fight
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