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Children of a Lesser God Suryakant is a fairly intelligent 12-year-old boy, with just one highly noticeable problem. A badly twisted knee that causes him to limp. He had been told that he was born with it. His father said that it was all due to his mother. She was the one to blame as she had disobeyed his grandmother's instructions. Suryakant never understood why as all his mother did was cry. Besides, he was not really close to his father. Dad never took him to the fair, or out for a simple snack at the roadside vendor. Maybe he was ashamed of him. Suryakant always blamed himself for his mother's misery as he realised that his father hated her, all because of him. As if a physical handicap was not enough. This child was so low on self-esteem that he found his minor existence unbearable. So one day he decided to end all the misery by swallowing an overdose of sleeping pills. Fortunately, he was saved in the nick of time and taken in for therapy along with the entire family. Hard as it may be to accept, some
children are born with birth defects. Sometimes physical and sometimes
mental. Whichever it is, it should be diagnosed in time and treated accordingly.
This is tough in the case of mental deficiencies, or even those of sight,
but the sooner it is diagnosed the sooner you can get some help. And maybe
a great deal of hope as some defects can be corrected if caught in time.
How does one get help? This is not a problem that most expectant parents actually expect, so one does not know where to begin. A good place would be with your gynaecologist or then with your paediatrician. They are the best people to guide you on what steps you have to take in first understanding the problem and then dealing with it. You have to understand the situation in its entirety. What is the exact nature and severity of your child's difficulties? Is it a genetic problem? How can one avoid it in future? What will your child's future be like, and lastly how are you going to get him or her, the best possible help. While dealing with these questions,
it is important that you put the problem in perspective. An optimistic
attitude will certainly take you a long way, but one also has to be practical,
as it is the child's as well as your future at stake. Mental, emotional
and physical resilience will certainly help. One should not indulge in
feelings of self-pity or even guilt as these will only serve to further
traumatise you as well as your child. Nor should you be ashamed or embarrassed
because of your child's abnormality in public, because if your child senses
how you feel, it will further retard his development.
How should you deal with special children? It is important that your child be given plenty of opportunities and a perfectly conducive environment in which to flower to his or her full potential. This depends entirely on you, his parents, to be able to handle his disabilities with a great deal of maturity and patience. Blaming each other for his problems will not help. In fact it will add to the already existing problems. Cut out all feelings of guilt and shame and concentrate on the well being of each other and your little one. You must allow him healthy social interactions with friends and relatives as well as some other children, to help him to feel comfortable within himself in public. This child needs more compassion, affection and consideration than any other child does but he also needs the same amount of respect. It is up to you to instill confidence in him and to bolster his self-esteem. But do not make the mistake of mollycoddling
him or pampering him excessively. This will only make him more dependent
on you and dampen his sense of confidence and freedom. A sense of discipline
is a must in the upbringing of any child and can not and will not further
aggravate his problems or difficulties. On the contrary, you should help
him to focus on his positives and show him ways to surmount his disabilities
and live as normal a life as is possible.
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