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Coming to Terms with your Infertility Introduction People take parenthood as much for
granted as birth and death. You are born, you get an education, then a
job, followed by marriage, parenthood and finally death. This is some kind
of unwritten cosmic schedule that humans follow and no one really thinks
about the progression of events as they live their lives. You just flow
from one phase of life to another in a seamless fashion. For couples who
discover that they cannot have children for whatever reason, the loss of
parenthood, a basic ingredient of life, comes as a rude shock.
Denial Most couples who are told that they
are infertile find it difficult to accept this verdict. After all, people
all over the world are having babies every minute. It's the most natural
thing in the world. The next thought that occurs to them is considering
the rate at which medical technology is advancing, surely the problem can
be fixed. This is true to a certain extent. Various infertility treatments
have worked for many couples who were having difficulty conceiving a child.
But there are still some couples that slip through the cracks. After spending
huge amounts of money and following all the doctors' instructions, some
couples still fail to conceive a child.
Depression These couples often slip into a deep
depression. They think - "Why us?" They should realize that there is no
point beating themselves up pointlessly about something that is beyond
their control. They should try to resign themselves to the fact some things
are just not meant to be. However, couples pass through many agonizing
hours of self-doubt and despair before they reach this ideal state of acceptance.
Guilt The husband or the wife often feels
guilty thinking that it is his or her fault that conception was not possible.
Sometimes the man or woman's own feelings of guilt drive them to ascribe
these feelings to their partners. This is usually unwarranted as the thought
may have never crossed their partners' minds, nor have they acted in a
manner indicating that they blamed the other person.
Social stigma Women who are infertile often feel that the fact that they cannot bear children makes them less of a woman or inadequate in some way. Unfortunately, this is a sentiment that is often supported in society. Being barren is not a stigma that a woman should have to bear like a cross for the rest of her life. There is much more to a woman than her ability to bear a child. Similarly, if conception was not
possible as a result of male infertility, the male partner may feel that
it is a slur on his manhood. Men should remember that sterility does not
automatically mean a loss of virility. Sterile men can still be extremely
virile.
Be positive Childless couples should make every attempt to pull themselves out of the depths of despair. Speaking to other couples in a similar situation can be a source of great solace. These couples should try to find out about infertility support groups. They should learn to accept their childlessness as a fact of life and learn to deal with it positively. Adoption is an option that they may want to consider. If adoption is not a choice they would like to make, then they will have to find other ways to channel their love for children. Remember that parenthood is an experience that should not be missed out on if possible. But if you can't be a parent, life does go on. There is a whole wide world out there with a new experience around every bend.
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