A Working Mother's Dilemma - Views on Article

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Name: vanessa
Country: Australia
Comment:
The article was interesting. I think the debate about SAHM versus working mum's is old. Do what works for you. A happy parent is a happy child. But just wanted to highlight something you said your mum has boundless energy so could never be a SAHM. Just for the record you NEED boundless energy to be a SAHM. So mabe this role may have suited her. I hope you are not suggesting SAHM are lazy!! As we all know it is very tiring keeping up with little ones. The challenge for me is the isolation u feel being a SAHM. thats what I grapple with so being a part time SAHM works out great and makes us all happy.

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Name: Cherise
Country: Panama
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Name: Mini
Country: Singapore
Comment:
I have just given up a mega bucks job in the financial sector for the sake of my son, he turns two this month snd I feel he needs company now, atleast till he starts school and has his iwn circle.a great read that influenced us and helped in this decision was the book by Sreve Bidulff - Raising Babies.

Name: richa
Country: India
Comment:
I guess leaving a job is too drastic. I am going to be a mom in next 2 weeks and i still come to office eberyday. Trying to save my 12 weeks Maternity for after the delivery. I would take some 3 months on Loss of Pay and then after 6 months back to my Job. Well.. i think The Kid must interact with other people . I see Kids who cry for everything are not disciplines and i think ... a good daycare will bring some discipline it. Also there are so many SAHM near my place who are at home with kids but hardly spend any quality time as they are irritated , tired all the time.. I would rather work, be happy and spend some good time with my baby and we have weekends..complete 2 days .. then earned leaves and then if the company allows some leave on Loss of pay .. for example .. in my company 45 days LOP every year. I am going to take it all... My husband has decided to do that too so that in one year we spend 3 complete months with the baby... We can balance this ... the only thing we need is a husband who is equally responsible and loving...

Name: confussssssed mom
Country: India
Comment:
hi all, I am a mom of 1yr old daughter. my inlaws are with me but i am not sure whether they will be able to take proper care of him... whenever i am in office i feel like others i can balance home and office.. but whenever i am at home i strongly feel like to leave the job and be with my daughter (financially nobody is dependent on me) if i am taking break now is it possible to get back a job after 4-5 yrs... i am confused ….what to do….

Name: Shylajja
Country: India
Comment:
I have been in this dilemna too for a long time. I managed to do both - give 100% to my job and be there for my little son after office hours; which meant, staying awake throughout the night or sitting by his bed side while he was trying to fall asleep. 3 months back I finally took the plunge into fulltime mom-hood to be with my 2.9 yr old by going on a sabbatical after putting in 14 yrs of service. My son was over-joyed to stay at home instead of spending time at a daycare (he had been going there since he was 5 months old). It has been 2 months now since I went on leave and I feel so good being physically present around my son except for 2 hours of his playschool time. I am a sr. mgr for an MNC and I have enjoyed my work till now. But, I am more than satisfied working as a full-time mom rightnow and if needed, I might take an early retirement too instead of going back to work, who knows! I feel, it must be varying from person to person, child to child as to what is best for both - whether a working mom or a mom at home. Hence, its only the individual (mother) who can decide whether she can/should carry on working or not.

Name: Ami
Country: India
Comment:
Its like my thoughts but your words. A beautiful article and it made me feel - "Why, I ain't the only one who feels like this"

Name: Manjula
Country: India
Comment:
Inspiring article!! This is really a beautiful article which really has to come to me on a right time, soothening me and bringing me out of guilt that I have left both my kids - one 2years-3months daughter and a 8months son at my mom's place who is taking care of them. I leave home early by 6.45-7.00 and go home back by 5.30-5.45, such a long day I feel leaving my kids at home. Hope this article will fill me with all strength possible emotionally as well as mentally.

Name: sandy
Country: India
Comment:
vERY GOOD ARTICLE...I AM IMPRESSED... GIVES LOADS OF CONFIDENCE TO A WORKING PROFESSIONAL LIKE ME HAVING A DAUGHTER AT HOME WITH HER GRANDPARENTS

Name: U
Country: india
Comment:
I agree that every working Mom carries some guilty feeling in her heart, that she is not able to devote enough time for her kid in the manner she desires. But, one should consider the fact that even a MOTHER is an individual of this world, who has certain aims and ambitions for making her own identity, which gives her true satisfaction!

Name: U
Country: india
Comment:
A very nice article! I really liked the statement made by Dr.Sudha("Mother is the one who makes the leaning unnecessary for a child". Yes, in today's world, every child needs to be brought up strong (both mentally and physically) to defend themselves against all odds. The child should lookup at their Mother as a Role model, who manages everything efficiently in a very pleasing manner. Essentially, that would be the biggest boosting factor for them to proceed ahead in life and achieve their goals with great will power and determination!

Name: Mommy who resigned and soon be SAHM
Country: usa
Comment:
I believe in whatever works for You. I have been working for last 10 years and doing really good in my IT field. But we opted for having one income and me SAHM. I am very excited about this decision. I was on maternity leave for 8 weeks and got back to work for 3 months and believe me I was not giving 100% to my work as I was so much torn between my kid and work. I know people say quality time. No it didn't work for me. Going back home tired, exhausted from long day didn't give me to spend quality time with my son. I tried but honestly it's not easy coz' where was the energy... I know leaving job means now changing our life style. We have to watch where we spend but its all worth it... Yes I would look for a job after 3-4 years, I know I have to start again and it will be not easy but when I weigh both the things all that matter now is Be With my Son.... Again it is individual decision. And whichever decision makes you happy go with it. Good Luck to all Moms who are in the middle of making decision...I was there where you are now...

Name: Maya
Country: india
Comment:
yeah , i am a working mom of 1 year old kid.... now a days i too feel completely torn apart due to stress .. very difficult to manage job and, home and kid altogether but can not leave the job due to financial constraints... every item of our home is on loan so i have to continue working despite the fact i hate it so much ... i wish i could spend more time with my angel ..I think this is just a phase and will pass soon ... crossing my fingers God bless all working moms Maya

Name: Usha
Country: india
Comment:
I strongly agree that whatever, a working mother always carries a guilt of not being able to spend enough time with the kid. In fact I was at home "on leave" till my kids were about 2 years old. I did have my Mother-in-Law to look after them, but even then leaving them (now they are 13 and 8 years old) under her care when it is her time to get free from all domestic hassles, fills me with guilt all the more. Despite trying to be positive, end up feeling all the more guilty.

Name: mom
Country: usa
Comment:
It's always a dilemma whether to work or look after the kids. I think those who have a career before having a kid would want to naturally go back to work some time later. It's not only some career or about money but work gives self-confidence, independence and sanity. On the other hand you will also feel guilty and it brings on added stress and tensions. My hats off to those who manage both kids and career. It takes guts to do it. Don't feel guilty but take whatever help you can get and see if it is working for you and your family. If it doesn't work out as expected you can leave your job as you can always work later. SAHM(stay at home moms) you are getting to spend time with your kids and it gives satisfaction like nothing else but at the expense of your career. So, in the end it is what works best for each individual person and their family.

Name: XYZ
Country: india
Comment:
I believe that it is very important for a mom to stay at home with her baby atleast for the first couple of years of her life. The time we spend at work is the time we are not there for our kids- PERIOD and not only that when we get back from work, we tend to be preoccupied with our work, the stress that it causes, the anxiety for the following day. These factors in no way lead to spending quality time with our kids after we return from work. We and our young infants are exhausted at the end of the day and are getting ready for the next day. So where is parenting in this case? Just ponder for a second, is it more important for us to make an impact at your workplace than in our young child life. As a parent it is our responsibility to make the most impact on the child, than a nanny or even a grandparent could. I was a working mom in the US and I stayed at home with my first child the first couple of years and quit my job after my second one arrived. From my experience I realised that nobody in the whole world can replace you in your child's formative years. If babies could talk, do you think they would appreciate your so called quality time?? Their cry when you leave to work and the beaming smiles when you pick them up speaks volumes. Why does it always have to be about us? We can always realise our ambitions right?

Name: asha
Country: india
Comment:
hi, I do not agree with working mothers spend quality time and thats good enough. I think if u r kid needs u at certain time and u r not there then what is the use of quality time. slowly he/she will feel that my parents are not there when i need them they r there at their convenience so slowly he will also do the same. And i strongly believe u shd. be there especially mothers for u r child but if u r more careere concerned then i think u shd. opt for DINK (Double Income No Kids) that way u'll be able to fulfill u r desires. As i believe kids need u all the time for LOVE, COMPANIONSHIP, GUIDANCE EVERYTHING no matter what age they are. And u can see the no. of working mothers has increased and so the kids getting involved in violence and crime has also increased as it affects with whom they are staying all the time. THESE ARE MY VIEWS BUT I THINK IF U R A PARENT FULFILL U R DUTIES OTHERWISE DO NOT OPT FOR KIDS

Name: Anita
Country: india
Comment:
True,every 'new' working mom goes through this situation.As i believe, until the age of 5 the children need physical assistnce.If you can have someone take care of that- it should be fine and you could end up working. However age 7 onwards, the children do need parents to talk to and it is important to be with them and have your guidance instead of their influence from the outside world, and no mom would like that i guess.

Name: S.V
Country: india
Comment:
Yes . I agree with you. working mother will be a source of inspiration to the kind when they look at how she is balancing home and work. the guilt will remain though irrespective of at what age of the child the woman chooses to go to work.

Name: asheeka
Country: south Africa
Comment:
I take extreme exception to the uk mom's assertion that teaching is a low stress job. My job title may be that of educator but i wear many hats-nurse, life coach, guardian angel, sports coach, buddy and so on. When I receive children in senior school they have already inherited their parents predjudices and its part of my job to assist them "unlearn" so that they can find their true selves. Keep in mind also my complete loss of privacy since every parent i meet at the mall expects an impromptu parent-teacher meeting.I walk a very fine line between being a friend and being a parent to the young minds entrusted to me.Furthermore my day does not end when the kids go home. I've got tasks to grade and work to prepare. Parents often expect 100% from their children's teachers but dont seem to realize that we are parents too.No matter what career you follow you got there with the help of dedicated educators who made an emotional investment in YOU in spite of the long hours and bad pay.So a little bit of respect please.

Name: Emma
Country: usa
Comment:
I am a working mother of 1.5 year-old twins. It has been quite challenging to keep up with work and family life. In the very competitive working society, it has become a norm that working after hours and weekends. Being a working mother is no exception to this rule. I am obligated to pick- up and drop-off my kids at certain time so I do not have the luxury to be really flexible about my work hours. Not many people at work can understand this challenge. Also, I went through 3 live-in nannies and none of them worked out. When you have a stranger at home not being monitored, strange things happen. We ultimately opt for a day care center. Just want to share my experience with the rest of you and welcome anyone may give me a few ideas.

Name: Garima
Country: india
Comment:
Yes, i do agree however many a times you feel that you are not taking care of your child.

Name: Melissa Strachan
Country: Australia
Comment:
i love working with little kids i am doing work education at school i am go to do child care and little kids are coool because i have a little sister.

Name: another working mom
Country: Other
Comment:
Hi, I am working mom. I have a 2 yaer old kid. I had to leave him at day care when he has completed 5 months. It wasnt easy. I had several sleepless and crying nights, wondering if my little one will be taken care of. After this one and half years, I have learnt a lot. First, trust in your care taker. Very important. If not, you will have the worst time. Trust that they will take care of your baby very well and make sure you select the good one. Second, I agree babies should be with their mother in the early ages. But, I feel after 1 year, they should be with other kids, this gives them a lot of opportunity to learn! Recently I have seen many articles talking about "Quality time" with your kids. Its true, it gives you also a good satisfaction. Finally, stress. Try your best to manage it before it starts to manage you. Whenever you feel stressed up, take a break, from all you do. It works. You will be relaxed and have more energy to deal with everything. Mothers who are working either for their ambition or for the need of the family, are doing a great job. feel proud of yourself and get rid of the guilt. We will always be the proud mom to our kids!

Name: tonya
Country: USA
Comment:
I am a teacher. I work long hours, including some weekends. There are always papers to grade, functions to attend, progress reports due, etc. We have 2 children, ages 8 and 14. My problem is that I feel so torn constantly between my job and my home life. If I give 100% to either place, one of them has to suffer. I mean, I have tried for years to make this work. I always end up feeling burnout from the stress. I don't get to see my children enough and when I do see them, I'm tired and irritable from a long day at work dealing with everyone else's kids. My husband has a great job, but for some reason he wants me to work. This has come up in heated arguements many times. We eat out everyday, pay someone else to clean the house, and live in a constant state of stress. My husband like to spend money, so do I. But I would rather live simply and not look back on this time in my life and not be happy with our choices. At the end of the day, I'm so tired...6:30-5:00 days are long. I don't get a real "break" until 1:10 in the afternoon. I have nothing left for my family.

Name: Janie from Scotland
Country: Other
Comment:
There are actually many good articles on the internet giving the NEGATIVE side of "part-time" mothering - because in reality that's what you become when you pay others to do your mothering on your behalf if your "choice" is career over parenting, even if only for a few days a week. Besides, is it REALLY ok to take advantage of a helpless infant just because he cannot tell you that he really wants his mummy? Many governments encourage women to return to work/careers to generate more taxes - babies and little children are of no consequence - so silencing the child-experts becomes necessary and many many women have fallen prey to government propaganda. Professionals such as Dr Penelope Leach, maintain that a child should be cared for by it's mother for the first three years at least and this is also the opinion of nursery workers in London where in a government survey of 4000, most said exactly the same thing and surely THEY should know better than anyone! (Naturally, these findings were kept pretty quiet!) If doubts still linger, try looking at the complete article on the internet "The Problem with Daycare" by Karl Zinsmeister. We never know what the future may bring for our little ones or how long we may have them and infancy is very fleeting and then gone for ever. Mothers should treasure this time and be able to look back with no regrets.

Name: Lady C
Country: USA
Comment:
I am a mother of four children. I have worked 6 weeks after each of them were born. I do deal with the dilema of working and being a stay at home mother. I feel that I would be able to be a lot less distracted if I were able to work from home. I have been working in my job currently over 15 years and am a divorcee. My family depends solely on me. I liked the comment in your article that said a mother is one who can teach their children how to be independent and if I am able to do that no matter how many hours I have with them than I am doing well. IThat is a comfort and I will continue to do my best at instilling values and necessay knowledge in my children in the time I have until I am able to support them as an entreprenaur which I will be some day.

Name: nina
Country: Hongkong
Comment:
hi! Sudha Happy New Year . I read yr article with great interest . I too am a mother of a 10 month old daughter . She is simply adorable .I strongly beleive that if the mother decides to get back to work the father should be equally supportive of her decision and spend quality time with his child . Also since the mother has to look after the house too after she is back from work hiring a full time maid / nanny to look after the kid would work wonders . I do not agree that bringing up kids in India is better even if one has inlaws / relatives . After all everyone may not readily take on the responsibility of looking after a kid day in and day out .And also why take others for granted when one can afford a domestic helper / nanny . I too am planning to get back to work once my daughter is a year old .

Name: anna
Country: USA
Comment:
i feel that a working mom is much different than a career mom. when you have children and a career, you are most likely to have a nanny take care of your child... this raises the question: whats the point of having a kid, if your not going to be the one to raise it? this, i feel, is why many children are not being raised the proper way, because they are not being properly raised by their biological mothers. also, the whole "guilt free" aspect can be touched upon. if a mother does not spend all the time she would like to with her children, she will feel guilty. therefore allowing, in the long run, for her child to have anything he/she wants. maybe that is why children are so spoiled and have no values these days. my mother was also a working mother, but she did not have a career. a career needs to be a priority, and my mothers priority was her children, do in essence her career was a mother and her work gave her a break from that; where as a career woman would have her priority a career and her children to get a break from that.

Name: another mom in uk
Country: England
Comment:
the other issue of course is what kind of work you do - a teacher in a school experiences relatively lower stress than say a management consultant..

Name: another mom in uk
Country: India
Comment:
hi. while i mostly agree with the author, i think raising kids in india is easier for a working mom than in the west. in inida you have strong support systems - parents, hired help and the like - which greatly helps reduce stress levels.

Name: Samantha
Country: India
Comment:
Its very important that a woman prepares herself mentally as well as physically and keeps herself fit so that she can handle both home and work efficiently.

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