Views on Article - Parenting in Joint Families

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Name: sweety
Country: India
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Living in joint family has turned hell for me upto such extent that our marital relations have reached till divorce coz of mil n sil. I was at my maternal house with my new born for 8 months coz my mil did not let me come their house until her stupid demands were fulfilled. Somehow my husband took me back to their house but mil n fil keep fighting n taunting with me. Fil is the worst man I have seen, he fights with like a woman n gives me bad words. Mil is more worst. My husband has no money to stay nuclear. My parents r not allowed to come n meet me. I m sufferring a lot. Joint family is a hell.

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Name: manvi
Country: India
Comment:
well i have a different sort of a jont family experience. my MIL is no more and we live with my FIL & younger bro in law which means that i v all the disadvantages of living in a joint family like lack of privacy and independence but no advantages of living in one. its only me who is responsible to take care of the house and kids, entertain my FIL bros and sisters families as all men of the house are working full time in the corporate sector. so even if i am living in a so called joint family, i have to manage evrything like in a nuclear family along with my job! i pray no one to be in my situation..

Name: sowmya
Country: India
Comment:
got married in the month of march last year. i live in a joint family. no privacy at all. even i cant watch the t.v bcoz alwayz my MIL and FIL are infront of the t.v, my husband will we mostly working round the clock.some times i feel very depressed.

Name: aaisha
Country: India
Comment:
i really love 2 b a part of joint family......it is reallu a worth.....its like heaven 4 me,b4 i was living in neuclear family...bt nw i came 2 knw d imprtnce of joint family......it really works.....

Name: v v
Country: India
Comment:
in this so called modern world . even our relations are getting polluted . we(husband and wife) can only realise the feelinngs or sacrifices made by our parentts only when we will reach in their age. in this short period of life one should not neglect the importance blood relations . selfishness is bad . i like a joint family .

Name: ananya
Country: India
Comment:
got married last year... before marrige picture was very good bout marrige bt after marrige life is hell... husband is so busy in office laptop n tv n with his parents... no privecy at all... even we cant spend 1 sunday with each other coz we hv to go every sunday in one of the relative home.... no reason to go bt only for wasting time.... i totally hate in living joint family... in india there is 1 proverb saas kabhi bhi maa nahi ban sakti hai aur bahu kabhi bhi beti nahi ban sakti hai..... too much frustated with every 1 .... n likey to take divource

Name: fate
Country: India
Comment:
im the daughter in law of the family.mine was arranged marriage. my in laws are good people but they take control of my issues and practically dominate the situation. there's no LOVE there. all i ve to do is abide for everything and keep my mouth shut and apologize to people when i ve done nothin. it makes my spirit go dull n run from house soon. my mother inlaw takes my role. she acts as a wife to my husband and wud be a mother to my children. in that case, why am i there in the house??? no use of stayin there... im really frustrated

Name: jerome mathew
Country: India
Comment:
ilive with my papa,mama , i have a younger brother.now we are a nuclear family but we are seriously planning to form a new joint family so that we can share our love and finance and risks.is that thing easy?currently there is no generation gap among us.we all are family members and most of all friends.can we proceed?

Name: Terry
Country: Canada
Comment:
My husband is originally from Pakistan and I was born in Canada. I am not familiar with joint family way of life but his parents who are immigrating to Canada expect joint family. I met for the first time when they stayed with us for 7 weeks. I was very welcoming to them and did lots of things for them but they treated me very badly. My FIL just spoke to me to give orders and after a few weeks the MIL who I did not understand but she would yell at me in the kitchen when I was preparing food. Both MIL and FIL would walk into our bedroom at any time. They used everything in the home as if it was there own. They had a sense of entitlement to everything and all what i did was not good enough. They would speak about me in front of me in their language. I can see that my husband could not stand up to them. After they left my husband and I argued how things should be when his parents return. I wanted a separate place for them but my husband wants them to live with us. He will do everything they say. I will not tolerate to be disrespected and my husband and I will divorce. He will let his parents find him a wife. I have peace in my life now.

Name: uma
Country: India
Comment:
advantages 1. you can share your feelings experiences etc.with anyone at home you need not to wait for your parents to come and then you share everything with them 2. if you need advice or help in any case you can ask anyone present at home at that point of time . 3. if you need money you can go to anyone and get it without much inquiries disadvantages 1 lots of interferences are there in a joint family 2. you have to work according to each of person of the family 3. you have to give time to each member of the family and if you fails to do that you break good link with them

Name: anurupa
Country: Libya
Comment:
IT DOES NOT WORK, LIVING AS JOINT FAMILY SYSTEM, ITS JUST HELL HELL HELL. BE INDEPENDANT AND DO FOR YOURSELF AND FAMILY, BUT IN YOUR OWN HOMES. PEACE PEACE, HEAVEN REGARDS POPPY --------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Name: shweta
Country: Macedonia
Comment:
I like it..

Name: TONI
Country: India
Comment:
I'M PART OF JOINT FAMILY MY FAMILY IS HAPPY IN JOINT FAMILY

Name: lalu
Country: U.S.A.
Comment:
life is a waste of time. living in joint families is waste of time. it disturbs everyones feelings.

Name: life is a waste
Country: U.S.A.
Comment:
living in a joint family is good if you are already established living together. if a person lives together for ten years and then seperated for five years then go back how does it feel. freedom of life is messed up. children are messed up in school. i think living in joint families is like living in hell no matter how good the relationship is.

Name: PB
Country: India
Comment:
Before marriage I never lived in joint family so after marriage I found it quite difficult to live in a jont family. I, being a reserved kind of person always liked privacy however, i realised this is not possible in J family. Ours is big house however, we do share our attached bathroom with others. This is quite annoying because obviously you cannot sit or lay ina comfartable positin in your bedroom. Any bode or everybody has access to your room. Moreover, whatever careyour in-laws show for you they always curb your freedom and try to put their command over you. My MIl is uneducated however FIL is defence retired. But due to influence of MIL even he speaks something which a closed minded person say. I think nuclear familyis far better then the joint. To take care of your baby you can take break from your job for few years. Atleast u don't have to feel grateful toyour in-laws to take care of your baby. U have given birth to your baby and its your sole responsibility to take care of him. If you laws do it happily ...well n good..

Name: gudi
Country: India
Comment:
joint family is good for woking women these days as it is really difficult to get servants and even if you get they need supervision.Th same system is not good for a non working woman as she is exploited and saffocated in a joint family

Name: julie anne
Country: Philippines
Comment:
most people here in our country is joint coz we are a happy person we love the company of our family and also when we are having a party we are so noisy means we are having fan in chatting to our other family members but still there are jelousy between me and my cousins becoz of having favoritism

Name: pranit sharma
Country: India
Comment:
i and my parents want to live in a joint family because they are busy and they want someone to care for my little sister.

Name: sana
Country: India
Comment:
i does not like but i like a boys in pakistan

Name: malik
Country: Pakistan
Comment:
i like it

Name: Get Independent
Country: India
Comment:
personally, i live in a joint family, MIL FIL and SIL and her daughter. husband is great but MIL and SIL and the ever visiting second SIL and her son are the most interfering and using people anyone will ever meet.money minded demanding all my husband's money and time ,They are petty and indulge in gossip about me so loudly that i can always hear it. they can't stand me and i can't stand them i just put up with it because i work and will never open my palms to anyone...either way it's not an ideal situation. my husbands income is completely drained, he doesn't support me ...what will happen when we have kids.? i dont know, but divorce is not an option. i've started giving it back on their face hoping things will change but the only way i see it a woman's happiness lies with the people she's around not the system. if the MIL and FIL are understanding and warm there is no problem if not screw it just give it back girls....give it back....

Name: harinder kaur
Country: India
Comment:
I have gone through all the comments.This sight is really great It gives chance to all to open their heart.you come to knw about the experciences of different people

Name: minu
Country: India
Comment:
nuclear family i the best option.A daughter in law is always treated shabily by the mil.the husband also becomes a puppet in the hands of his mother and they force the daughter in law to become submissive and the life becomes a hell for her

Name: poppy
Country: Ireland
Comment:
IT DOES NOT WORK, LIVING AS JOINT FAMILY SYSTEM, ITS JUST HELL HELL HELL. BE INDEPENDANT AND DO FOR YOURSELF AND FAMILY, BUT IN YOUR OWN HOMES. PEACE PEACE, HEAVEN REGARDS POPPY

Name: harinder kaur
Country: India
Comment:
the joint family has great advantages but nuclear cum joint family is best for the proper growth of the child In the fast paced lifeand only thas type of arrangement is the best as all of need space

Name: harinder Kaur
Country: India
Comment:
i am of the opion that nuclear family is the best for the allround growth of the child The children get spoiled in alarge family If the mother scolds them for their mistakes the gradmother protects them and the children learn all the blackmailing tactics to get the desired things

Name: minu
Country: India
Comment:
i was apart of the joint family and had a tough time there.My mil was avery dominating lady and treated me very shabily. i was expectinmy child ihad to do allthe household chores whenever we went for outing she accomanied us so there was no pravacy i am not in favour of joint family as thre is lot of tensin in it

Name: sheela
Country: India
Comment:
I am a working mother. But i feel my kid miss me althrough the day and when i go back after work i will have to strive hard to bring her to me. we r join family and when i say "no" for something she gets it done from people around her. Every mother should b with the child atleast till the age of 5. join family eventhough has got many benefits say no to it unless people around u r competent,educated and inculcate good habits in kids and not encourage them to do things which are not good. Always be GOOD to child rather being NICE so that u dont repend later.

Name: HelpMe
Country: U.S.A.
Comment:
I happly married since last 9 years, have little girl. Of Course my parents. Views according to my wife.. MIL: Always supports FIL regardless if he is wrong or right. Does not know what/how to say anything in a good way. You can always count on her to insult anyone. FIL: Always sticks his nose in MIL and DIL's business. Also, Seats in front of TV all day. He is lazy, does not want to work. Views towars my pareants according to me.... MOM/MIL: I agree with my wife. I was only son, I never cared to how they behaved becasue I can always step out of home when things get tense. DAD/FIL: He is money minded person. He can spend thousand of dollars for his brothers and sister. Not a penny for me. If I borrow moeny I have return it with interest. That is not all; according to his new demand. I should pay him money for his expenses sometihing like Pocket money. What is he going to with all money seating in his bank acct. Here is another thing... I also need to pay my mother for babysitting my little girl. 1. My wife is depressed; b/c of attack on her morals. 2. I tried telling them right Vs. Wrong; wrong behaviour is worng no matter what. (I'm firm on that) 3. Me and my little girl are the two grains between two rocks (wife/MIL and FIL) The way things are unfolding so far... 1. Parents are threating me of leaving. 2. Wife wants to move out of our own house b/c parents are old and where would they go. I have three options. 1. Try to keep things in Joint Family 2. Move out with Wife and kid. 3. Divorce with wife, Send parents back to India... and take a new traveling job and live my rest of the life out of suit case. Help me please....

Name: AKM Anisuzzaman
Country: Canada
Comment:
The family does not only include father, mother, sister and brother but also maternal/ paternal uncles/aunts, great parents, cousins, and etc. Exchange of ideas, respecting the seniors and affection for younger is common value of Bengali culture. If any member of an extended family falls into a trouble then the rest of the family members help by all means to rescue their family members from the trouble. Therefore, despite financial insolvency and less government protection, and antagonistic environment people are much happy compared to the western modern world. Even the conflict between husband and wife sometimes are resolved with the help of parents or senior members of the family. Therefore, the divorce rate in Bengali family is surprisingly low. As per the Department of Justice, Child Support Initiative, Evaluation Report, August 1997, the divorce rate in Canada is about 37% and in the United States, 50% where as the rate in Bangladesh is amongst the lowest in the world i.e. 11 marriages out of 1,000 marriages (around 1 marriage out of 100 marriages) end up to divorce in Bangladesh. Extra marital affairs, prostitution and unethical social activities are severely neglected in Bengali family so the chance of various related disease like AIDS or VDRL, Hypertension are significantly low.

Name: Moderatemeditate
Country: India
Comment:
Live in India with wife,Parents n brother. My wife & Mom dont get along. Mom never ever hs accepted my wife she keeps cribbin to her when am not arnd. Mom bursts when i intervene... Any plave anywhere more than 2 women is a battlefield

Name: RM
Country: Pakistan
Comment:
I was quite irritated and worried with the way my parents-in-law were spoiling my two year old son (according to my father-in-law, if the child misbehaves when I take him out, then I should leave him home with this grandparents, but he would just not stop spoiling him). But after reading all your comments here, I tried the 'stay cool' formula and I swear it worked for me. I am trying my best to discipline my child, but I DO NOT interfere when he's with the grandparents. I feel light!

Name: Ian Faria
Country: India
Comment:
I would like to compliment you on the interesting way in which you have shared your learning about the joint family system. I do a lot of counseling for people coming out of joint famlies, and one of the things I share is that there are so many benefits of a joint famliy system, and if we capatalize on these, and work towards eliminating some of the small negatives of the system, then we would surely love the experience, the warmth, and the security afforded by a system that has been prevalent in our country for centuries. Keep up the good work. Ian Faria, Bangalore, India.

Name: durgarao
Country: India
Comment:
joint family is very ince saccharine sweet picture of family

Name: rama
Country: India
Comment:
if we see the today scenario i think nuclear family is the best but i prefer the joint family because they are our parents who had brought us not only in our childhood but still in some or the other way. just to see a smile in our face they had done lots of sacrifices which we will never realize bcoz for us that are very small.

Name: hitesh
Country: India
Comment:
advantages and disadvantages of joint family

Name: satisfied
Country: India
Comment:
living in a joint family is great.. all relations have thier ups and downs...i think idf you keep your mind cool then all things fall in the proper place..i feel a joint family has more advantages than disadvantages

Name: Extended family problems
Country: India
Comment:
when comes the ttime of the 'batwra' problems arise .

Name: ramya
Country: India
Comment:
in joint family , burden of money is been carried by single head , sometmes pain and sometimes gain

Name: Conflicting viwes
Country: India
Comment:
I have been living in an extended family since I got married . Now I have a 4 year old son . I and my husband believe in bringing him up without exerting any foce -not htting him at all . Howeer my mother inlaw and father in law hit him and corner jim for the smallest mistakes . He is always complaining about it . I told my husband and he feels that we can't face parents on the issue of discipline as he says they no best . He is also afainst them beating him . How do I resolve this . iT is so distressing

Name: Extended famil hacles
Country: India
Comment:
Living in an extended family having a son and originally froma a neulear family with just one sibling. Differences : Both my parents working and we were out almost the whole day . Here Mom- in-law is a house wife and one f my sister -in-laws don't work because she's got a tow year old daughter and carrying a second. My husband and brother-in-law work . Two younger sister-in-laws working and unmarried - or rather not of marriageable age yet. You may say that my transition was a hard one 5 years ago(I was an NRI whose ealiest memories lie in a foregin country and I have only been to India for the Hols I spent a year alone working ) So this is massive you say ? YES ANS NO . Yes there are the responsblities that I had to undertake and sometimes I felt that living in a neuclear family was easir. My 3 year old get away with murder because of the family sympathy on 'the little kid '. Yes , such constraints do happen and meke one feel the stress of an extended family but the beauty is that there ate less worries . I can leane a sick child and go to work where I would have otherwisw consumed all available leave . I am confident that my child is in safe arms and that helps me at work. I am more productive. I am really fortunate to live in an extende family as I need to visit my parents once a year and need money for that . I need to work and that can only be successful with the care suppourt and concern that I get

Name: SIXTYPLUS
Country: india
Comment:
The Problem is not with the Joint Family, but with the way it is jointed.When a pair of parents has a large number of children, they tend to ignore their own privacy and bring up the children at great personal sacrifice. The first lot of Daughters in law that come in find the overcrowded house too much to adjust with. The sons don't find anything wrong because they have adjusted and grown together. The isolated DIL manipulates to brek the family in desperate search for privacy and economic freedom, to end up paying fabulous sums in rents and all the rest. Smart ones win the confidence of the elders and stay back home and manage to get effective control while leaving formal control in the hands of the MIL. Those who come in after this stage find it difficult and frightening to take either of the two options. The right solution lies in having fewer children and enough physical and mental space for all.Girls from Joint families living happily only should get married into other joint families. Otherwise the Cultural shock that both sides get will make life miserable for all. Some recent trends in welthy families in India give a hope for the survival of the Institution of the Joint family. This is the arrangement of independent quarters for each nuclear unit within a common Building, with the elders occupying the common space on the Ground floor and having their own privacy as well as leaving the younger people to their own privacy. Children can spend time with their kin when needed or be in their own smaller space. When needed, they can be left with the elders.Visitors are received at the common space or at the private space as deemed fit. The next important aspect is the financial control. Once all the children are grown up, it would be prudent to divide the properties and then create formal partnership among only those who are able, and willing, to work together. Others can manage their own affairs as found fit.Parents should keep their independent share in the property and should not gift it off during their lifetime , unless they have independent recurring income from which to pay rental expenses for separate housing and daily expenses,if needed. Most important ingredient in the success formula of the Joint family is the ability of the elders to sit together with the youngsters and thrash out differences as they would with a business partner, with graceful give and take attitude. Anyone who wants to impose his/her will on others has no place in joint family and should move away at the earliest.Those who observe the smart ways in which the elders bring about compromises among apparently divergent claims learn to apply the skill in their own professions and become highly successful. Those who intimidate others and carry their own way finally end up losing in the greater battles. Reform the system rather than discard it! Here it is worthwhile to note that most of the world's top negotiators hail from large Joint families where they learnt the fine art of reconciling conflicting claims and interests.

Name: cjd
Country: usa
Comment:
I was part of a joint family at one time and i found it to be an experiance that i will never forget. Not that i meant this in a bad way but a good one. I had extra income left out of my pay check because the expenses were shared. I always had a babysitter around. Most important i feel that it brought me that much closer to my family than what i already was!!!!!!!!!!!!!And we were already close close!!!!!!

Name: jatt on hunt
Country: india
Comment:
i was looking for the difference between joint and nuclear family bcoz i am having a interview tomorrow but while reading these articles , it seems to me tht this is wrong website so i am sorry and here i found nothing regarding my interview totally wastage of time and money but one thing is for sure tht neither joint nor nuclear , remain single and be one no son and enjoy lie before u have ur last breath on this cruel world ok love u all

Name: jatt on hunt!
Country: india
Comment:
i was looking for the difference between joint and nuclear family bcoz i am having a interview tomorrow but while reading these articles , it seems to me tht this is wrong website so i am sorry and here i found nothing regarding my interview totally wastage of time and money but one thing is for sure tht neither joint nor nuclear , remain single and be one no son and enjoy lie before u have ur last breath on this cruel world ok love u all

Name: Birdie
Country: india
Comment:
After reading through the comments presented here, my heart warmed for those hurting and seeking for a way out. I am also thrilled to read that others have found that Joint Family does work and can be a wonderful experience. So, my question for everyone is: "Was there a time or a process that prepared you to live as a married person? If yes, could you share who presented you with that input?" If not, then the answer is obvious.

Name: TEARS
Country: india
Comment:
I just want to say that after reading through the comments, my heart goes out to the hurting and rejoices with those who are blessed with wonderful MIL and FIL. I too have a great family and dearly love and honour my in-laws. I have two grown up professional children, elderst of whom is happily married. I thank God for giving me such a wonderful family.

Name: please help me
Country: thailand
Comment:
My In-laws are settled in Bangkok and they all live in Joint Family, My husband is youngest of 3 brothers so his parents are very much attached to him, and after seeing his 2 elder sis-in-laws he never wanted to marry a Indian Girl, but his parents forced to marry me. i as a new bride went there with dreams in my eyes and expectations to get love and support from my in-laws, but my mother in law starting taking out all her frustuations on me, i was never allowed to touch any food coz then i am over eating and this food is brought by my father in law and not my husband and my husband says that they are absolutely RIGHT, he buy extra milk and juices for me, my husband never supported as he was afraid of hurting his parents and is brain washed by his parents that if he will give support or love to me than i can also become "INDEPENDENT" like his 2 other daugter-in-laws, whenever me and my Husband wants some privacy and wants to go out together his parents also joined us, they insulted me everyday to dominate me. if i feel low or my face shows depression than they insult me that they hate those people who are always sitting with stupid faces, i cried everyday..every moment, i don't want to loose my husband as he is very nice person, i want to save my marriage, i have reached to conclusion that i will never ask anything from them, if he wants to spend time with his parents and not me i will never ask for it, if his parents or family will ignore me and insult me i will keep quiet because my speeking hurts my husband and his make his parents complain about me.. AM i on right track, what shall i do?

Name: depressed female
Country: thailand
Comment:
i like to live in Joint family but My MIL and FIL don't leave us alone for a moment and my MIL has a reason, that her husband (MY FIL) din't gave her time too and this happens in Joint family, if u have problems u go and TALK TO UR PARENTS, fruits are served to my MIL, FIL and DH but for me there is no fruits, juices, milk because in our custom we don't serve our Daughter In Laws...

Name: sheila
Country: india
Comment:
For today's generation it is increasingly difficult to adapt to the values and principles of the elders. living in a joint family myself what i miss most to put in onw word would be freedom.somehow things seem easier when my il are not arond. thet really are wonderful people but living together....what a difference that makes.wish my mil would interfere less tho...

Name: HARSHIDA PATEL
Country: usa
Comment:
ALL, I like to say is IT's WOMEN who DRAG the community this WORSE. WOMEN always fight against another WOMEN, IF there is two brother and they have their life running very nice until they get married and after that WOMEN come in picture and everything start again. STOP having more than ONE KID and problem will solve. IF you have one KID you will not have to worry about comparison, no have to worry about weather his/her spouse will get along with other KID and family.... Parents will have only one HOPE with one KID and they only have to suffer ONCE in their life. OR WOMEN, please change your view and go to some place and think their where the fights born from... JOIN FAMILIES ALWAYS HELP AND right now I am fighting against SON and PARENTS fights. SON likes to have his parents and WIFE together, the Excuse is stay away one year and than come back to family and everything will be solve, this is suggestion from his WIFE. DAUGHTER asked parents to move away from their SON (her brother) and stay with her because they are also her parents. What Parents answer, no dear the community will not allow us to stay with DAUGHTER; we have 2 more kids whom we have to find spouses. So there is part of WOMEN COMMUNITIES and people who in it... Sometimes PARENTS know what is wrong but they can't do such thing because of communities. So only do following thing and life will be fine. 1- Have only ONE CHILD. 2- MAKE your child engaged with cousin or friends lot; today that 's what happen. 3- Don�t have your hoe high as parents, wait until your daughter in laws comes and see how she behaves, if she take care of you in first month than live otherwise if you fill any doughy leave the family.. 4- WIFE, changed your self...LOOK at this way, lets make changes in community and people life. 5- Mother - in law, once the daughter in law comes, leave your daughters so your daughter in laws doesn�t fill bed. 6. DAUGHTER: if you have brother, after he gets married, comes only when your BHABHI calls you. 7. LAST: Everyone, SEE this way, See who came in your life first, GIVE them FIRST priority if you ever have to CHOOSE... IF THESE THINGS WILL HAPPEN, I AM SURE WITHIN ONE GENERATION WE WILL SE LOTS OF CHANGES... Thanks; I am daughter of parents who are living in USA and sister of brother who has wife, who doesn't like to stay with parents because she only sees her husband, mother - in - law who only sees her daughter because they are to close. I have started my fight against community rule. I ONLY HAVE ONE CHILD AND RIGHT NOW STAND AGAINST PARENT TO MOVE OUT, AND AGAINST BROTHER TO HELP TO SEE THE VISION, WHO CAME IN YOUR LIFE ...FIRST...PEOPLE COME FROM INDIA to USA but there mind don't change. THANKS AGAIN. Harshida Patel I also stay with join family.... but know how to behave myself...

Name: Depressed
Country: thailand
Comment:
i live in a joint family in thailand, my husband works 7 days a week, on sundays he come home early at 5.00 pm and rest days at 9.00 pm, i wait for sundays desperately so me and my husband can be together and he can give time to his son also, sunday came and i asked him to take our son to park, i got a reply.."i have to take dad (MY FIL) for Sauna, if u want to go out u can come with us to make drop dad and pick up dad from sauna...tears came out of my eyes...he can take leave for his parents to take them but he cannot take leave for me coz he has limited holidays...his parents don't respect me and if i ask him to take me somewhere he end us asking his parents also, sometimes depresseion do show up on my face and he insults me in front of his parents and their parenst also insults me...i fell like crying always

Name: Hussain Ali khan
Country: pakistan
Comment:
I like the family system very well but some defects are be there. in joint family no one can be carefull as compared to nuclear family.

Name: faruk_vub
Country: bangladesh
Comment:
i live in a joint family in which i am leading a life where there are a lot of freedom, right to express myself, no hassle, proper love and affection, much pleasure, friendly environment etc. I am really glad to be a member of such kind of family.I wish to be like this to everyone.

Name: Hindustani Gal
Country: united kingdom
Comment:
We used to live in a joint family and had no privacy. My brother n law got married and we moved out. Now my husband and I have to work just to keep up with the bills. We still dont have time for the kids.

Name: hasina
Country: ghana
Comment:
after reading all the coments me and my husband have decided to seperate our son and daughter in law before it is too late. thanks to all of you.

Name: Reality
Country: bangladesh
Comment:
If there is conflict and tension between the members of a joint famiy, and if the mother-in-law plays games and try to score over daughter-in-law all the advantages of a joint family are lost. A joint family then turns into a hell and all the members, particularly both the son and his wife suffers severe psychological trauma and their frustration in turn takes out on their children.

Name: hell hell !!
Country: thailand
Comment:
my husband loves his family who has made my life hell, he don't find anything wrong and wants me to compromise, please advise what shall i do ?

Name: Joint Family is a hell
Country: thailand
Comment:
I live in a Joint family and my Husband Listens more of his mother and whatever she has said, i have no value, whatever i am talking to him he will disclose in front of his WHOLE family and insults me in front of them, i have nobody to talk to and i cannot tell my parents coz they can feel bad, my husband don't wanna give time to me b'coz he thinks with me he gets bore, he loves to go out with his parents ALONE coz he has got something to talk to them.. he has made a fuss out of my life, i am living only for my son otherwise i would have committed Suiside.

Name: Unknown
Country: india
Comment:
I am married in a joint family.As far as my hubby and my Inlaws are concerned they are nice and understanding but since I am working,my daughter is taken care of by my MIL ,but it seems that she wants to take over my place as a mother;she wants my kid to call her "mummy" ignoring the fact that I would also have some dreams being a parent.They both want to do evrything for her and cant see her away for even an hour.Also they cant let both of us go out alone;They are not actually very bad but its that they are not undestanding the fact that every individual and relationship needs a space for himself.

Name: Minks
Country: India
Comment:
Hi All, I must give credit to my in-laws for making my life so easy that I am able to concentrate on my career. It has not been easy for them and for me. We had trouble initially when the boundaries in our lives were hazy but over time, we have come to an agreement on privacy, finances and our individual interests. I am a very opinionated strong person and never hesitate in laying down my expectations ( with in-laws and husband ) and the same is with my MIL too - she is a strong person. Understandably , we clash but we resolve issues also. I compromise on certain issues but absolutely put my foot down on matters that I care about - like keeping a bai to do housework, or if I feel they are playing down my parent's financial needs . I am expecting in May end. I am very future oriented and am already conditioning everyone at home to some ground rules about parenting. I don't want to raise a child that's too pampered and don't want everyone rushing to it's every need. Want a child that's independent and happy. I wouldn't say I am the ideal Indian bahu but hey , I never wanted to be a obedient and subservient person and I am glad with the way I have handled things.

Name: Monica
Country: England
Comment:
What can I say? My In laws are lovely people. I just want my own space Goddammit! When I have children I want to look after them and become a full time mother, however I'm going to have top sacrifice this dream because I know that I wouldn't want to stay at home with my inlaws. So I will have to pan my child off to my MIL and go to work to keep myself sane. Don't get me wrong their great people. But I just want my own space.

Name: no love life
Country: Dubai
Comment:
from the first day of my wedding, being in the joint family i have not got the love and time from my husband, we ALL LIVE TOGETHER and the best part me and my mom in law's edrooms have only one partition which is open from above, whatever we are talking, they can listen, whatever we are doing they can listen, after coming from work, my husband sits with them to see TV, we eat dinner together with everyone, and then go to sleep in that so called 2 rooms(actually one made into two with cardboard partition), whenever i wanna go for dinner with him or a day out with me, my MIL and FIL are ready to go, my husband is the one who offeres them because he thinks he will GET BORE with me, atleast he can talk something to his parents..sometimes i am at home and my husband calls and says u eat dinner alone today b'coz mummy daddy wants to go for dinner ALONE and they had asked me to drive them to restaurant and i will eat with them, he can go out alone with his parents but not with me, b'coz he says, there should be somebody to take them also, my mother in law has 3 sons, my husband is the youngest one, my 2 elder sisin laws are very happy, they don't have problems like this and a seperate bedroom, they go out alone with their husbands and enjoy, if i ever REQUEST my husband to go out alone with me, he says, after seing others u also wanna go to hell, whenever i say i need some privacy, i get the answer, PRIVACY MY FOOT, and he insult me in front of his family, don't u think i need atleast some privacy and some love from my husband, i am also a human being...

Name: HORRIBLE
Country: USA
Comment:
for me, Living in a joint family is like living in hell...and who ever has made this system should go to HELL !!!

Name: anybody help me
Country: USA
Comment:
i am in a joing family,tired of everything, my husband is more towards his family members, my family in India, so nobody to support them, i can't tell them my problem,utherwise they will get tense, i am fed of my horrible life in Joint family,my in-laws have made my life horrible, always comments on me, ignore me, i get irrate of things, whatever i am eating, doing, everybody is watching, and specify this is from our money,if i buy my things,its gone..my husband don'tlisten to me, when i fight, he says, u don't have right to change and he insults me in front of his parents and brother's wife, whenever i complain he calls everybody and start shouting.. when i keep quiet and don't talk, then everybody complains, that i am getting high headed and talk when in a mood to talk, if i speak to everyone, whatever i am sayingis being made a issue whether its just a normal talk or jokes...they don't let me live..i am fed up

Name: Tired of my life
Country: Thailand
Comment:
I am living in a joint family, my 2 elder sis in laws are always bitching about me to my mom-in-law, they are a group and my husband wants me to butter them, i can't, they always do things to irritate me, and make my life horrible, i am fed up, my husband finds problem in me that u should go and sit in between them, but how can i, they ignore me and even make bad faces after seeing me...i feel like crying

Name: Pulled-down gal
Country: India
Comment:
I got married into a joint family. I have to say I live here not out of my will but out of cohersion by my husband. He's a nice guy...his parents are also fine but they keep reminding me all the time that everything here BELONGS TO US. I had a gr8 job which I had leave coz' of them...they have pulled down my self esteem so much that I just want to get out of here. My sis in law makes my life horrible but my hubby and his parents say I shld suffer inorder to keep their family together!!! I feel like running away from them.I'm staying with them only coz I dont wanna hurt my parents by getting separated from my husband. I would say, joint family is good IN MOVIES AND SERIALS. Its nothing like that in real life!!!

Name: N
Country: Canada
Comment:
Being in a joint family, has its major issues. When you get married, to be a family you need to live your own life, not consistenly watch what you say because of others members of the house. Why live together if you don't talk or aknowledge one another. Your right it is like living out of a suitcase.

Name: amrita
Country: Thailand
Comment:
I am a house wife, I got married and came into a joint family, MIL and FIL are loving but are very high minded, we got our own business and they think that their sons are their employees and if their sons have be in their shops we all have to do according to them, we live together and they keeps on passing us comments that THIS IS OUR HOUSE and you are living with us so she comes and puts her things in our bedrooms, we don't have privacy in our rooms also...they keeps on passing sick comments to the daugher in laws, and says all AURAT (ladies) are same, they are making my life horrible...my husband is so loving and sometimes i feel i have got a perfect man..loving, caring and understanding...he gives me everything but says in return just want respect for his parents and wants us to live together...he understands that they are rude but says they are old..so request me to adjust. i have got my own dignity and why should i listen to all comments for what i have not done

Name: indian gal
Country: USA
Comment:
I am born indian married in India but live in US since marraige. There are pros and cons to everything. Indian parents/ILs can be a great help with child care especially if mom is working. But I found the concepts of parenting have changed over time and place (India & US) and resulted in clashes. It can mean less time with child as the mom is busy cooking after work and weekends go in grocery, laundry and shopping. It gets depressing after a while that you cannot have any time with spouse/child JUST alone. If parents/ILs come to US for visiting/babysitting they accompany you everywhere on weekends as they bored at home. It is understandable that they get bored but it can get quite frustrating that you cannot have even a coffee break with ur spouse out of the house. Not to mention the cooking & fascination for food of the earlier generation which creates tons of work for the DIL/son. With all due respect for all help I have received when I needed most I would NEVER stay joint.

Name: happy
Country: India
Comment:
joint fmaily proivdes you much needed security and affection

Name: Sourabh Dubey
Country: India
Comment:
FAMILY IS A GROUND FOR GROWN UP WITH FAMIYMEMBERS.I am living in a joint family, and there are pros and cons as with everything else in the world! One thing I dont like is the lack of privacy, less time with my own husband. More time goes in doing the housework for so many people , and one cant just relax and not cook.ETC

Name: star gurl
Country: India
Comment:
i am teenager living in a joint family.the pros: never lonely, more fun, cons: are jeaslosy, no privacy, tension i think living in a joint family should only be for about 1-5 years ....

Name: Preeti
Country: USA
Comment:
It is a horrible experience...no matter what you do you are always blamed and looked down upon...no space..living out of suitcases....urgh!!! I am ready to move out and get a place of my own

Name: a victim
Country: India
Comment:
it is simply a hoorible experience

Name: liz
Country: Canada
Comment:
I am an educated 29 year old, staying at home to take care of my 2 yr. old son. Child care is expensive and cant be arranged on a single income. My widowed MIL is very wealthy and visits every summer. She cooks great but keeps me occupied all day long with her elaborate recipes and myraid number of pots and pans to clean from morn to midnight. If we have time, it goes on elaborate prayer sessions and talks about her past where I am just a silent listener. After a brief stay, she shuttles off to visit her friends in other cities and comes back telling me all she learnt and how well others are doing. Its very annoying and is a blow to my self-esteem. I do have nuclear family for most of the year but during her visits, i get quite miserable!!!

Name: happy go lucky
Country: India
Comment:
I think there r pros and cons of everything.I got married and came into a joint family.I have a loving mil and a caring hubby but my elder sis-in-law was mean and cheeky.So,she gave me tensions.But we moved out at the rt. time and now I have a good relation with everyone.

Name: FRUSTRATED
Country: USA
Comment:
I am 35 Year old indian born in USA and have been married for 12 years. I have two boys (8 & 4). I was set up in an arranged marriage at age 23. I live in a joint family. I have never seen India and now have no desire to see it. I have lot of resentment due to many ignorant indian(gossipy) people I have come across. I am a very educated woman. My family over the years have destroyed me mentally. I strongly do not believe in joint families. I think people in general become highly dependent on each other, as a mother I need privacy with my child and am deprived of that special bond. In the long run the marriage is not healthy. Due to different generation lifestyle and higher stressful society, divorce rates are higher than before. To save the next generation todays parents need to become independent. We need to stop this repeating lifestyle. Our women are brighter and much smarter and can accomplish lot of things in life - I think joint families pull even the strongest achievers down.

Name: viswanathan
Country: USA
Comment:
Joint family is like a tree;the branches, leaves , flowers and fruits all together make the tree worthy to look at. The tree loses strength even by chipping one branch. The leaves bring the necessary enzimes for the growth of the tree. But there are some tress where chipping off branches and plucking of laves and flowers and fruits do help the growth of the tree. Environment makes the tree worthy or not. viswanathan NJ USA

Name: marriedgal
Country: USA
Comment:
I am living in a joint family, and there are pros and cons as with everything else in the world! One thing I dont like is the lack of privacy, less time with my own husband. More time goes in doing the housework for so many people , and one cant just relax and not cook dinner because your "father in law has to eat Indian food" kind of thing instead of maybe calling for pizza! Also narrow mindedness of in laws is an issue sometimes. Another thing is that there is lack of freedom in spending, doing things etc, everything is visible to everyone! Pros include support whenever you need it, good advice, help in household duties, and of course no lack of company to go places.

Name: ccc
Country: USA
Comment:
It's give and take. If your MIL takes care of ur kids, u spend the whole weekend doing household chores out of guilt or gratitude or sense of duty.Most of ur evenings are spent cooking dinner or making preparations for breakfast or lunch next day. Hence, u spend less time with ur own kids. Others spend more time with them. Just my 2 cents.

Name: Lalita Chugh
Country: India
Comment:
We are living in a joint family having two sons aged 7 years and 2 years. In our family, my three brother-in-laws, two sister-in-laws and their three children with my mother-in-law and father-in-law. I think, in joint family, children cann't get healthy environment as they get in a single family.

Name: Namrata
Country: India
Comment:
I am a housewife living in a joint family and have 2 sons aged 4 years and 6 months. My mother-in-law helps me a lot. But my father-in-law due to his ego against me has spoiled the environment of our home, which is effecting adversely on my child personality. I want to live in a nuclear family setup.

Name: renu
Country: India
Comment:
I have two children aged son is 9years and daughter is 6 year. I want to live in Joint family because of my children's care

Name: zina gadgil
Country: India
Comment:
I am a working mother and work long hours. I have two kids aged 3 (daughter) and 5 months (son). I am all in favou of a joint family. My mother in law is very good. She takes very good care of my children, which my mother would never want to do. Initially, I was very apprehensive to move into a joint family being the only child to my parents, but no regrets !!

Name: Vijaya Iyer
Country: India
Comment:
I am a working mother. It is only because of my mother in law that I can work. I used to think that being kids in a joint family was great, but now I think that even being a parent in a joint family is great.

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