Views on Article - Do Grandparents Help?
Name: Ravi
Country: Canada
Comment:
My baby is now 3months old.... it feels like that my own baby is not mine... so basically i gave birth to my child for his grandma... shetells me what to do and she has this big thing about germs... she doesnt want me to taking him newhere she thinks hes gonna get germs, she doesnt want anyone kissing him not even my own mother... she says im not allowed to take him anywhere... she says she wants to see me feed my baby..even though i dont feel comfortable... i dont let her...because its my own privacy.... she soooo olsd school and shes been here since she was 16yrs old... its just way to much... im so stressed i dont know what to do or say... ive been so depressed since my baby.. i even cry to my doctor about it... i cant tke it ne more... i would love to see my son growing up with his grandma,,, but not the way she wants it to happen... help i dont know how to tell her to let me raise him the way i want to...even her own daughter who is older then me told her to back off but she wont listen...my father in law is awesome he just wants to play with the baby... any suggestion what i should do???
Name: Shivi
Country: India
Comment:
Grandparents are really very important in a child's life but parents are also important. Both have there own responsibilty and roles in a child's life. Problem arises only when any one of them starts interferring unnecessarily into others responsibility.
Name: Diya
Country: India
Comment:
I think that grandparents are a important part of a child's life. it is possible only in large family.
Name: keeping grand kids from grandparents
Country: U.S.A.
Comment:
I was so excited when I learned that I would soon be a grandmother. I kept my first grandchild from the time he was two weeks old until they moved when he was three and a half. I'd never lived far away from my son so feeling like I was losing them both was very hard to adjust to but my daughter in law felt I was "obsessed" with my grandson. After they moved I was cut off from him for up to six months at a time, as was my oldest son, his Uncle, that my grandson adored and called his "bestest buddy". He is eight now and we feel we have lost him because we have not been allowed to keep our bond with him and in time kids forget. I now have two more grand kids, two beautiful granddaughters, and we were not allowed to even know them. We are good, loving, and kind people so we do not understand this and it has destroyed my family. This seems to be very common and I think it's a tragedy; not just for the grandparent's and other relatives but for the children as well. So much love is being denied to them and in this world that has become so frightening it's impossible for us to understand why this is happening so much with today's young parents!
Name: Sayaki
Country: Malaysia
Comment:
Hi everyone, i just read some of the views posted here. Interesting. My husband is from an Indian family. One thing i really found in Indian culture is that it talks about respect to elders and how they should be taken care of in the old age. But i find that only aged parents of Indian SONS taking care of their parents, but if the elderly couple are left with only daughters, then there is no one who takes care of them. Isn't it important to realize that when a son's parents age, the same way the daughter's parents will also age, and they also need to be given support. May be it is because of this, the girls are aborted in the womb....that the parents feel that there is no use of them...is it so...IF it is, then it needs to be changed.well for me grandparents for my children must be grandparenting from both sides and not only from a son's parents...
Name: mandy
Country: India
Comment:
my experience has ben that when i had my baby my mil became over enthu about the baby and wanted to do everyhing for her and spend a lot of time with her as aresult i became v possessive as i felt thretened.idont know whether i did right but i started to keep a distance between the child and her.i just feel that the parents shld be given the chance to experience parenthood and there shldn't be too much interferance
Name: asia
Country: Netherlands
Comment:
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Name: annie
Country: United Kingdom
Comment:
We live as a extended family, and its only been one year.We sold our home and my son sold his too, so that we could buy a bigger house to accomadate all family, our main reason was to buy a house in the nearest catchment area for our grandchildren to get into this good school, we did it for them. Now after only being 1 year in the house they dont like our presence, and now they treat us unkindly, we are both in our 60s.I will start from the begining, when we moved here my dil said that we must leave all THE inheritance for them ALONE, NO OTHER CHILDREN IN THE FAMILY, EG SIBLINGS ETC. We have said NO!!! to this, and now all the hatefulness beings, our 2 lovely grandchildren are not permitted to speak with us, no even eye contact, no salams, no goodmorning, no more hugs kisses, im going mad.My son says nothing as he is afraid of her, she is aggressive towards us and bad mouths us constantly using bad words, i cant say.We have looked after our grandchildren from birth, brought them up, they are only 5 years old and 12 years, our hearts are broken daily. We have been very caring since birth, we have our own rooms and we do not interfere in their family matters what so ever, never had done, we give them all the privacy they could wish for,but its not enough. We have told them we will not sign the the house over to them NOW, because of the behaviour to us, we want to leave and live on our own again. Now dil has told our son to tell us, not to invite any of our other children to our home, when she is at home, what can i do, we have put the house on the market to sell, but its all this bad feeling and misery in the meantime.We live as two separate families in this big house, they dont eat with us dont speak to us, its like we are invisable, truly. i just wanted to tell someone my heartache, godbless and salamms Annie
Name: deb
Country: U.S.A.
Comment:
My daughter is expecting her 4th and is now moved back home after a divorce with her three kids. The problem is she is bipolar and the kids dictate to her. They tell her what they will eat..she usually cooks 3 different meals for them and feeds them sugary treats whenever they ask for them. They tell her no when told to do something and she lets them...WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO? As their grandmother I can see what they are going to be like by the time they are teens. My daughter says I'm too controlling when I try to keep them from wrecking my home. I set runs at the dinner table....like not eating mashed potatoes(example) with fingers. WHAT CAN I DO>>>>HELP!!!
Name: Preeti
Country: U.S.A.
Comment:
I live with my inlaws and have a daughter who is 22mts.my inlaws constantly compete and dont realise they are grand parents and not parents.they give us no space and cosntantly teach her agaisnt me.they keep telling her how I will hit them if she did something wrong or will yell at her.IAm fed up.Any thoughts or suggestions!
Name: NRI Indian Mom
Country: India
Comment:
I have just finished reading all of the articles posted above. I feel sorry for the American moms. But I guess whats happening to them is cultural. Lets face it all of you are brought up to be independent with very little family and extended family bonding. One big fight you are ready to divorce your spouses and even separate yourselves from parents. And divorced parents couldnt give a heck about the kids anyway. With all of this going on, you still expect that loving grandparental relationships.. Sheesh.. My parents and in-laws take turns to visit us here in the US and gode over our kids and give them a warm loving relationship that I would die for. This experience is more of a norm rather than an exception in the Indian Community. Grandparents are a blessing. I can reframe the saying, behind every successfull family (where husband and wife are working) there are allways loving and caring grandparents behind to help and encourage. It has been proven time and again thats why the indian community is as successfull as it is now. Folks dont loose that culture and stop bringing up your kids as selfish individuals. Surround them with loved ones and make them feel that they are part of a larger group and respect their societies.. To that person who says, I dont want to bring them here, because I may treat them like slaves. Well when they were taking care of you when you were little, did you bother asking them if they were a slave then. And you think they are happy living there lonely years alone. A smile and a hug from a little child adds life to there age. It gives them renued purpose in their retirement age. No daycare in the world can give the love of a parent or a grandparent. And for those parents rushing to jot down their comments on how bad their mothers are, well folks if your parents are divorcing around and shacking up with a new hubby and suing you for custody of your kids, dont be annoyed just feel sorry for yourselves..
Name: Proud to be a Mom
Country: india
Comment:
Excellent Article!! Hats off. No doubt grand parents are very important to us and and our children. However they should never underestimate our parenting and look down upon us. Times have changed and so have the parenting techniques and methods. Every parent should be responsible for their child. If parents are not in a position to take care of the kid, then they should not even consider having one. Occasional baby sitting by the grand parents is OK but they should not be responsible in raising your children.
Name: devasted in canada
Country: canada
Comment:
I am a mother of 4 children. I have been undermined and disrespected all my parenting days by my mother and her younger husband. My mother is the most manipulative woman I have ever met in my life and she has succeeded in destroying my life and relationship with my first born child. It started out with what I thought was good intentions offers to take her (but not her siblings) for weekends, on shopping trips, she spoiled her and gave into her every demand, she would constantly drop subtle rhetoric where I was concerned. (My mother and I have had a tumultous relationship since I was 13 years old , in fact I have not lived at home since I was 13 I lost my father to suicide and she moved her now husband of 18 years into our house on the night of my father's burial). She speaks of herself as the victim, she speaks of herself as the sacrificial lamb who has done everything and yet even after all the garbage she managed to do to me, she ruined my childhood, my teens and now the woman has found a way to ultimately betray me she has stolen my child and in my frickin province in my country if you are over 12 years of age you do have a say where you can reside and at 14 years of age you could live with your crackhead boyfriend and there is nothing your parents could do about it! I have no rights, I have no say. My mother and her degenerate husband allowed her to get a piercing that I was always opposed to and told her she'd have to wait till she was 18, they let her at now 15 go tanning every week which I think is stupid and not good for your skin, they allow her to stay out at all ages clubs till 3 am and she is not asked to do any household chores, be respectful, be responsible and they laugh and encourage her to call me down and pick me apart with no remorse. They also do nothing to encourage her to see me, speak to me or attend counselling with me! There are boundaries that ALL grandparents should respect and not cross and if you do cross them or damage the bond between a child and it's parent then you should be stripped of any grandparent rights that you otherwise may be entitled! THESE ARE NOT YOUR CHILDREN and one day you will have to answer for the damage you cause!
Name: Cindy
Country: usa
Comment:
I am a single parent of four children. My oldest three children are from my first marriage. Up to the birth of my twins, (my first born), my mother-in-law was my best friend. When my twins were 5 weeks old I was served with custody papers. She had filed for custody of my babies, her reasoning for doing so was because her new husband did not have any kids and wanted to know what it is like to be a dad!(can you believe this woman). She did drop the petition for custody but continued to take me to court for grandparent rights. She was never given any reason to have to file for visitation to begin with. I had never kept the kids away from her. We lived across the street from her for heavens sake. All this was happening while I was still married to her son. After our divorce she took me to court at least eight times. A lot of times she would wait until the day before court or the day of court and drop the petition. The last time we went to court, I was so tired of this woman manipulating the court system, not to see the kids, but to for spite, I gave her visitation to see the kids the same time as their dad. Three hours a week, supervised. She only saw them four times after I gave her visitation. DECEMBER 26, 2002 was the LAST time she came to see them. We have not heard a word from her in over 3 years. The woman walks by us in stores and acts like we are strangers, the kids don't even know who she is. Now all of a sudden she wants to see them again and she has passed word that she is going to take me back to court again. Please give advice??
Name: BA
Country: usa
Comment:
I am currently dealing with a Grandmother who undermines me every chance that she gets. I say eat all of your food, she waits until i'm not looking and takes the plate away. I say don't run in the house, she says run, scream, jump on the couch. If i'm disciplining my kids she tells me that I'm being cruel or harsh right in front of them. She is the mother of my 2 little ones father, who is currently one step out of prison (along with his 3 brothers). I don't understand what makes her think that she is in a position to scrutinize my parenting when the result of her parenting was oviously negative. I am not perfect, however I see my faults and having children meant a huge change for me. I'm a hard working, single mom with no record, no alcohol, no drugs, etc. It is too the point, that I really don't trust my children with her because of her underminding and disrespecting my position as #1 parent in their lives. How do you keep the manipulative, self rightceous Grandparent far enough so they can't hurt your relationship with your children but close enough to be "healthy" part of there lives?
Name: Molly
Country: canada
Comment:
i agree with all the mothers who appreciate the help and the advice as well as i agree with the way the grandparents treat us as we do not know what we are doing, can they leave us alone to learn from our mistakes and raise our children the way we think it's wright, not their way.. we do not want to be ungrateful for what they do for us all the time, but news flash, that help you gave us comes with the teretory you're our parent and grandparents but do not push the advice and you ways into our life, you all are going to lose at the end and we will cut you out of our life if you force your opinion on us..i think that how we all feel..
Name: christine
Country: united kingdom
Comment:
I feel I am being treated badly my daughter and boyfriend could go to jail, so it means the other grandparents will take sole charge,my daughters, mother-in-law doesn:t like me and as we are getting a divorce I am being stopped from seeing my grandaughter is this really allowed.
Name: M. Ravichandran
Country: usa
Comment:
i and a few of my friends view that bringing parents from india to take care of the children while we (my wife and I) work is like treating them as servants - their social life in india, their friends circle, religious life etc are 'compromised' for our material desires. their turn to raise kids is over and it is our turn and we should not conveniently pass the buck. Particularly in US, very few parents want to read a map and then drive around. they are dependednt on their sons/daughter (in laws) to move around. whereas in india, they can move out on their own. this is a significant restriction placed on them. before i learnt driving, i used to eat a lot becos i was under the fear that i would stuck somewhere and might end up walking 2 miles back to my house before i have the next meal. my classmates from iit-m came ahead of me and some of their parents are green card holders and they stay with the child. some of them have told me tha they do not like it here and want to be their 'own' way. when they reach the US soil or 1 week after that, i will say a hello and the 1st thing they say is thaty they have come here to take care of the kids and not have a holiday. more than using grandparents as just 'baby sitters', using their time to teach inculcate indian culture and traditional values will be a good thing. furhte,r the grandparents should be ready for a sacrifice of their social, religious, and fun-filled life while coming to the US. a lot of my relatives have expressed 'fear' to come over to a sophisticated jail namely america. on a separate note, i see that there are no timestamps produced by this page to indicate when on earth these comment were written. instead of complaining, i will enter today's date. regards m. ravichandran July 2nd 2005. mravichandran@hotmail.com
Name: Soon-to-be stepmom
Country: usa
Comment:
I have lived with my fiance and his daughters and his mother for about 7 months now. His mother, Deb, has been driving me nuts for the entire 7 months. His daughters are now 7 and 10 and Deb has basically taken complete responsibility for them. My fiance works all day and I can kind of understand, but Deb tells him that he needs to spend more time with his children. However, if he tries to be a father to them, she says that they don't need anymore "bosses" in their lives. She yells at him for yelling at his own daughters when they need it, but when she thinks the girls need some discipline she tells him to take of it. His girls have figured out that if Dad yells at them for something or tells them no, they can go to Grandma and she'll let them do it anyway. I don't think Deb did the best job raising her own two daughters, and now she's raising somebody else's the exact some way. She even lectured me for telling the girls to chew with their mouths shut. Even though I love those girls to death, I think they're very spoiled and throw fits like 4 year olds until they get their way (and they always get their way). She told me that she would not stand aside and watch them be "brow beat". I don't have any children of my own, so she feels that I have no say in anything even though I'm going to be their stepmother very soon. She also refuses to babysit when my fiance and I want to go out on a Friday night or whatever and she wouldn't ever let somebody else watch the girls for a couple hours even my mother. I just really don't understand. I've tried talking to my fiance about this and he just kind of brushes me off, and I'm just loosing my mind over it.
Name: Annoyed Mommy
Country: USA
Comment:
my husband and I live with his parents. I have a 9 month old. She will try to make me mad and tell my son the he is HER baby. She will stand over me by the tub watch me feel the water then stick her hand under just to make sure, if I am feeding him, she will WATCH me put my mouth to the food and then tell me as I am putting the spoon in his mouth "is it too hot? I am trying to get my son to sleep all night and I have askedthat when he wakes up in the night NOT to pick him up, but everytime she runs in there andpicks him up, tells me you shouldn't say that to him or he should be saying that. My 14 year old bro in law lives here too and if he says something she will say don't say that because I don't want himt o say that, like it is her decision of what he says or what he doesn't say. She goes on and on and on, I am so tired of it, I told my husband we are leaving this house because she makes me feel like I am not doing a good enough job, it always comments about every single thing I do and I can't stand it anymore. I will not keephim from her but SHE will have to be the one taking time to come see him, I am not going to bring him over. She also says so many bad things about my own mother, becasue my mother lives 60 miles away and can't always come up. We didn't have a car on Christmas she told us that we couldn't use her car to go see ym family. It was all because she didn't want my family having anything to do with my son she feels like sheis the only grandparent and mine does not count. Anyway. So I do have a pretty controlling aggressive mother in law. I WILL draw the line if she tells my son he an do something after I have told him no though, I won't tolerate her going behind my back.
Name: MOM IN SHOCK
Country: USA
Comment:
I TOTALLY AGREE WITH THE ONE LADY WHO IS TALKING ABOUT GRANDPARENTS NOT BACKING PARENTS UP. MY MOM AND STEPFATHER AND MY GRANDPARENTS HAVE FOLLOWED ME FROM MARYLAND TO ARIZONA AND NOW NORTH CAROLINA BECAUSE OF MY TWO KIDS. MY MOTHER WHO HAS NO LIFE HAS TRIED TO CONTROL ME WITH MY DAUGHTER WHO WILL BE THIRTEEN SOON EVER SINCE I CAN REMEMBER. MY DAUGHTER AND I GOT INTO A HUGE FIGHT ON VACATION WITH ALL OF THEM AND MY PARENTS TOOK MY DAUGHTER IN THEIR CAR TO CALM US DOWN BUT THEN TOOK OFF WITH HER AND REFUSED TO BRING HER BACK. SO I THOUGHT OK MY DAUGHTER WILL RELIZE ITS NOT SO WONDERFUL OVER THERE SHE WILL GET BORED, BUT THEN ALL OF A SUDDEN I GET SERVED WITH CUSTODY PAPERS. THE CRAZY NUT IS TRYING TO GET CUSTODY OF MY DAUGHTER. SO I GO AND GET MY DAUGHTER OUT OF SCHOOL AND TELL HER THE GAME IS OVER AND THAT SHE IS MY DAUGHTER NOT HER GRANDMOTHERS DAUGHTER. I GO TO PICK HER UP FROM SCHOOL THE NEXT DAY AND MY MOM AND STEP DAD GOT WHATS CALLED AN EX-PARTE (WHICH MEANS TEMPOARY CUSTODY OF MY DAUGHTER). THEY LIED AND TOLD THEIR LAWYER THAT I THREATENED TO LEAVE NORTH CAROLINA AND THEY WERE SCARED FOR HER SAFETY. WHAT A CROCK! I ALSO HAVE A SON WHO WILL BE 10 YEARS OLD HIS FATHER AND I WILL BE DIVORCE SOON AND ITS JUST A BAD YEAR. I AM LIVING WITH A WONDERFUL MAN WHO ALSO HAS A DAUGHTER WHO IS 6 YEARS OLD. I ENDED UP GETTING A LAWYER HE SAID HE COULDNT BELIEVE A LAWYER WOULD TAKE THEIR CASE. BECAUSE I HAVE NEVER HAD ANY CHILD PROTECTIVE CHARGES AGAINST ME, I AM NOT ON ANY DRUGS NOR ALCOHOL, HE WAS SHOCKED. I HAVE TALKED WITH ALOT OF FRIENDS AND FAMILY AND I HAVE DECIDED THAT IF I SHOULD GET MY DAUGHTER BACK SHE WILL TRY TO GO BACK TO THEM AND THEY WILL TRY ANYWAY POSSIBLE TO GET HER. SO I HAVE DECIDED TO AGREE TO JOINT CUSTODY PER MY LAWYER BUT HERE IS THE KICKER THE AGREEMENT IS A. SHE WILL ONLY HAVE HEALTH INSURANCE COVERAGE THROUGH 2005, THEN THEY WILL BE RESPONSIBLE. B. SHE HAS TO CALL ME EVERY MONTH. C. I HAVE TO GET COPIES OF ALL HER PROGRESS REPORTS AND REPORT CARDS FROM SCHOOL. D. THEY HAVE TO NOTIFY ME IF SHE IS SICK OR HURT. C. THAT MY MOTHER AND STEP FATHER WILL HAVE NO CONTACT WITH MY SON UNTIL HE IS 18YRS OLD. D. THEY WILL HAVE TO BE RESPONSIBLE FOR HER ORTHODONTIST BILLS. E. THE BEST MY DAUGHTERS BIOLOGICAL FATHER HASNT SEEN HER IN OVER 10YRS, I JUST FOUND OUT FROM A FRIEND THEY LAST HEARD HE LIVED IN GREENSBORO N.C. MY PARENTS HAVE TOLD THEIR LAWYER HE LIVED IN MARYLAND SO WE HAVE MADE IT CLEAR TO THEIR LAWYER THAT HE LIVES IN N.C. AND LET ME TELL YOU... IF THEY FIND HIM HE WILL NOT GIVE UP CUSTODY. I HOPE THEY DO FIND HIM. SO ANYWAY THIS IS THE HELL I AM GOING THROUGH EVERYONE IS SHOCKED THAT THIS IS MY MOTHER DOING THIS. IF YOUR PARENTS ARE WAY TO INVOLVED WITH YOUR CHILDREN AND YOU ARE LOSING CONTROL YOU HAVE TO DO WHAT IS BEST FOR YOUR FAMILY.
Name: Julie
Country: India
Comment:
This is to Sohail (above) - you shouldn't have kids if you want to pass the buck and responsibility. Of course grandparents are imp[ortant - but their job is to enjoy the grandkids without the responsibility.
Name: connie
Country: USA
Comment:
I wsa an unwed 18 yr. old mother who had no choice at the time other than to live at my parents home in order to keep my son. When my parents were raising their three children, My sister, brother, and myself, our home life was very unstable due to alcoholism of my father. My mother somehow felt that she needed a second chance at raising a child to make herself feel better, and she has lived the past 18 years criticizing me and everything about me to my son. She has taught him to totally disrespect me. If he got bad grades on a report card and I grounded him for it, she would tell him I was too hard on him. I raised him teaching him very good morals and in a christian home, but my mother has actually come to hate me and has nothing to do with me simply because she wanted my child as her own. I have one thing to say to grandparents who may be reading this. Please never ridicule your grandchild's parents to them. Please respect their wishes with their children. You had your chance, and if you fell insecure about the way you did it, then that is your problem. But you are only teaching your grandchild to disprespect all authority if you teach them to not like their parents. If you want what's best for your grandchild, then teach them about honoring their parents, and then they will have honor and respect for everyone else in the years to come.
Name: CareBear
Country: Other
Comment:
Sue, I am with you 100%. My son's grandfather and father are VERY selfish and manipulative.I have shared custody with the dad, he lives with his father. His grandfather has him all day wednesday and thurday when I have those days off. But when his dad has the day off, he expects all this extra time with our son. The grandfather calls all the time also for extra time. They have my son every other weekend,also. It's like I have TWO dads to deal with! I think sometimes he thinks he can do all the things right with MY son that he messed up with his son. (who is a huge a-hole.)There's a problem though, He's MY son. This is a tremendous amount of stress for both me, and i'm sure my son. I always get made to look like the bad guy, they'll promise him to go places when he is supposed to come home, and I have to put my foot down. I give an inch, they take a mile. So believe you me, MANIPULATIVE GRANDPARENTS are out there....
Name: Seema
Country: Canada
Comment:
Both my mother-in-law as well as my very own mother help out a lot with my family. Sometimes when they are over visiting they will offer to change a diaper, give a bottle, or even just babysit for a couple of hours to give me a rest.
Name: Florida GrandMa
Country: Other
Comment:
I wonder if any grandparent feels used by their children? I have a daughter who expects me to baby-sit her children 5 days a week for free, Tutor then 4 hours each day because they are failing in school, cook a hot breakfast and lunch for them-out of my own cubords even though I live on a very fixed disability income and bathe them before she picks them up each evening. My daughter and her significant other each earn 4x my monthly income but can't afford to offer me a few dollars a week for my trouble. But I love my grandchildren and if I don't baby sit then my daughter refuses to bring them over for a visit. Anyone else have this problem? Any suggestions/solutions you've found helpful?
Name: Robin
Country: USA
Comment:
Regarding Sue from the USA., about grandparents being "experts" on there own children not grandchildren. How sad I feel for you that you seem to have such a bitterness about your parents. Grandparents can bring so much joy and love to your little children. Allow them to enjoy your parents. Having children doesn't mean you are going to be a great parent. There are things we would all change. Having grandchildren gives you that chance. Remember this, hind sight is 20/20, and don't we grandparent's know it!
Name: Seema
Country: Canada
Comment:
In my case both Grandmas are a super duper help! Both will offer to change diapers whenever they visit, and in many cases will help when it's time to put the babies to bed for the night.
Name: Sue
Country: USA
Comment:
I think a grandparent wrote this article. A grandparent is not an expert on children, but rather an "expert" on their own children. It doesn't go any further than that. Each and every household raises their children differently whether it be 35 years ago til the present. Unfortunately, many grandparents don't realize this and for some reason think that their way is the only way and try to impose it on their children. Have they ever taken thought of how they would have felt in their childrearing years if their parents were criticizing their parenting style? I don't criticize my children's grandparents on the old wives tales and medical ignorance they raised their children on. But yet they criticize me. In my case, I don't feel and never will feel that the grandparents know better--this is where the competition has come in. I have NEVER asked the grandparents for any type of advice and they in turn feel threatened by this, and that the way they parented is not as good as my way. I do feel that my way IS better, but of course I'm not going to tell the grandparents that. I just keep doing what I have been and I don't need to justify it. It's unfortunate that they took it this way, and their criticism and meddling behavior got worse. Grandparents need to know where their place is at--they are not the parents! Second, they need to GET A LIFE and quite trying to live vicariously thru their own children's lives---it's not healthy!!! They can continue to think, if it makes them feel good, that how they raised children is better--keep it to themselves! At the same time, how they did things back them terrifies us and we don't want to raise our kids on old wives tales, ignorance on health and medicine, ignorance on safety, ignorance on proper hygeine, ignorance on educating/disciplining, ignorance on holistics of childrearing, etc. (the list goes on!) So as you can see grandparents, you have criticisms about us---well we sure have them about you. Only difference is that we NEVER criticized you!
Name: fatty
Country: India
Comment:
Has anyone ever heard of manipulative grandparents? The grandmother is so cunning that she turns the children against their own mothers. The stupid mothers end up as screaming, hysterical lunatics while she coolly becomes the most loved ma!!!!!
Name: moonmama
Country: USA
Comment:
I am american and my husband is british/indian/now american. We have been married 13 years and have the only 2 grandchildren in the family. Our problem is that his parents want things done the "indian" way and do not understand that we wish to raise our children as americans. This has caused quite a bit of strife as they have now turned the whole family against us. Any advice from fellow readers would be helpful, They are VERY stubborn and will not compromise. As a result, we (and especially, me, as I am the "outsider") have been unfairly demonized. I do not wish to have our children miss out on these grandparents.
Name: Umakanth
Country: England
Comment:
I am a young grand-parent (6months) and therefore read this article with interest. I fully agree with the concluding remarks. I think the author has studied the subject carefully and deeply. Well done.
Name: su
Country: England
Comment:
maybe look at what you've got, recently divorced and with a teenager, his dad doesn't want to know, his paternal grandmother doesn't want to know and my father doesn't want to know and his godfather doesn't want to know, how to i raise a confident man in this manner with only me as his adult reference.
Name: vinaya k p
Country: Middleeast
Comment:
I believe that grandparents have a very special and important position in a child's life. I was lucky to be staying with my in-laws when I had to leave my 3 months old daughter and start going to work,I could do so without any tensions secure in the knowledge that she was being taken care of very well. Now my daughter is 8 years old and has a very special relation with both sets of grand parents and during her vacations she is always visiting them in India.
Name: Tara
Country: USA
Comment:
Who is the author of this article?
Name: Jenna
Country: USA
Comment:
I am of Indian origin, and my husband is American. I have the opposit problem where all my Mother In Law wants to do is babysit my daughter all the time. I LOVE being with my daughter and do not want to leave her. It's become such a hindrance because I feel that my mother in law is now constantly dropping hints.
Name: Man
Country: India
Comment:
Grandparents do help do harm! But I see most women like their parents to take care of the kids than their in-laws. Here I see a great flaw (human) in their view -Real Man
Name: RAJEE
Country: India
Comment:
I am a working mom. My baby is a year old now. These 12 months through it was my mom who had come all the way from chennai to look after her. Thanx to her, my child has grown in a secure, warm & loving atmosphere, which Iam sure will form the basis of her personality. Me & my husband just can't thank my mom enough.
Name: abc
Country: India
Comment:
grandparents are indeed an important part of a growing child's life. But in my case they are so indulgent that it can really get very annoying. I am unable to discipline my daughter and inculcate good habits as they indulge her every whim and it is to them that she runs in trouble.
Name: Rajashree
Country: Singapore
Comment:
My parents take care of my 3 year old daughter when i am away at work, and i think that is the best thing that has ever happened to her..I am blessed too to have such parents. A lot of traditions, family values and culture is passed on to her. I can never stop thanking my parents for coming over from India and staying with me to take care of my child.
Name: Sohail Mistry
Country: India
Comment:
I believe it is important to include Grandparents in a childs life. Heck if my parents weren't there, i would be staying home babysiting amir instead of having a life myself.
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