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Excessive
Shyness
Is your child excessively shy? When shyness is extreme, it can have a profound effect on your child's life.
Gauri was a timid little eight-year old who seemed to find joy only in her world of fantasy. She loved
reading and would spend long hours by herself locked
up in her room reading the latest Enid Blyton or Harry
Potter. She did not seem to have any friends. Her
classmates made fun of her and called her a bookworm
as she was extremely studious and did not take part in
any extra-curricular activities. Her parents began to
persuade her to mix with the other children of her age
and to go down and play, but she flatly refused. After
a while her parents started to get angry with her for
disobeying their wishes but she still would not
listen. In fact she seemed even more withdrawn then
ever. Why was she so shy, and what could they do to
help draw her out?
Parents of a shy child may initially seem happy to
have such a gentle, quiet child on their hands, but
the gravity of the situation only unfolds at a later
date. He will begin to avoid even the most basic
social interactions at all costs. You will never find
an excessively shy child on the playground mixing with
the other children. Avoidance of games and sports and
a lack of fresh air and interactions paralyse the
physical, mental and emotional growth of the child
forcing him to grow inward rather than to blossom
outward.
Most shy children are quiet when they are surrounded
by people they don't know, but after some time they
get comfortable. However, excessively shy children
will go to any lengths to avoid situations. This may
manifest into what is known as social phobia in adult
life. They then start avoiding social outings or
socializing as it brings them extreme discomfort, and
they may not be able to talk at all. Although avoiding
social events may be the easier way out, such a course
of action is definitely not recommended, as the person
will keep avoiding one activity after another, until
he feels completely isolated.
Try and work on building your child's self confidence
every step of the way. Make sure you give him the
attention he is craving for. He may seem difficult at
first, but as he starts getting used to the new found
attention, he will start getting his bearings.
Encourage him to socialize with children his age. He
may have few or no friends at all. In any case, the
best way to bring him out would be to place him in
situations with new children his age.
Call over a friend with a child of the same age as
your child, and let them play together. Your child
will be more comfortable in his home environment. You
could also organize a few games so your child does not
feel strained with the burden of keeping his new
'friend' entertained. If your child feels that you are
taking care of the situation, he will be able to relax
and enjoy himself more.
Also, make sure you don't call more than one child at
a time. Shy children feel much more comfortable in
one-to-one situations than they do in groups.
In some cases it could be that the child has an
inferiority complex and feels inadequate in comparison
to a sibling who might be smarter or better looking
than him or her. If this situation is not nipped in
the bud, it could result in sibling rivalry and
further stunt the growth of the child. If you feel
that your two children are completely different from
each other, consider putting them in different
schools. In this manner, the comparison will lessen,
and they will have completely separate sets of
friends.
Consider taking your child to a counselor. Counseling
really does help in situations like these, as the
counselor will try his best to draw the child out. In
addition, your child will be spending time with
another person in addition to just his parents or
siblings. The counselor will also work with you and
with your child and provide you with tips on
increasing his self confidence.
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