Breaking Up

So it's all over - the wining, dining, flowers, good night kisses that never seemed to end… and you're left with a heart in tatters. But all is not lost. You've still got your pride. Hold onto it with both hands.

The Aftermath

You're still reeling from shock after the break-up and all sorts of radical thoughts are racing through your head. Should you show up at his apartment with a shotgun or in skimpy lingerie What's the best way to make him jealous How, oh how can you make him BEG you to come back Then again, do you want him back or do you just want him dead Decisions, decisions… none of them up to you and you damn well know it. But there are certain things up to you. Even if you haven't tied the knot, you are entitled to rights, depending on how much time you've invested in the relationship, and what level you've reached. So while you may never know how to get him back - (which is a Good Thing as time will tell), you're definitely entitled to know why you've been so ruthlessly dumped.

The Rules

So what are these rights, rules and regulations Well, no matter what anyone tells you, there are no rules in a relationship, unless you're married, which is why relationships seem to go topsy-turvy all the time. It's hard enough figuring out what rights you have when you're in a relationship, but at least you've got your other half to guide you through somewhat. What about when the relationship is over and out

Life is a Stage

The first thing is to ascertain what stage your relationship has reached:

Stage 1: Five dates. You've had a great time, may have indulged in some heavy kissing but haven't had sex as yet. Well, you're definitely entitled to an explanation if he decides to suddenly stop calling, but not much more than that. The explanation could be something as vague as a simply phone call telling you he doesn't think it's going to work out. Whatever you do, don't make a sorry face and wail 'but why' Save it for someone who's worth it.

Stage 2: Sex. So you've had sex but there really isn't much more to the relationship. It's just a fling really. And he decides to end the fling. You do NOT have the right to grill him or to rant and rage. You should, however, swear off those vodka shots.

Stage 3: 2 months. You've crossed the crucial 2 month mark of dating and you are introducing each other as boyfriend and girlfriend. Neither of you are seeing anyone else. If he decides to call it off, you have the following rights:

• The right to an explanation in person.
• The right to call up his friends and grill them.
• The right to date his friends and hope that would make him suffer.

Stage 4: You've reached the 6 month mark of dating, which is a big deal. Once you've gotten through the 6th month, you're almost committed and the only thing left is telling each other you love him or her, which is, of course, Stage 5.

In Stage 4 or 5 you have the following additional rights:

• The right to date those 'friends' he cannot stand the sight of.
• The right to expect a friendship after the break-up, if that's what you want.
• The right to act out revenge fantasies - within limits, of course.
• The right to expect friends to tell you itsy bitsy details about his life.
• The right to rebound.
• Whatever you do, you do NOT have the right to have sex with him once you've broken up. Honestly, how pathetic is THAT

And Finally

Do NOT reduce yourself to a shrivelling mass of tears where you call him up every night weeping on the phone begging him to take you back, or start stalking him and noting every movement in a little diary. You'll make him want to wish he never laid eyes on you. Crying once - or twice in front of him is not good, but allowed. Any more than that and you're a disgrace to the female sex. Cry all you want on your pillow, just don't let him know.

Wise Words

It's good to bear in mind a few basic points, and keep repeating them:

1. No matter how crappy you feel, you are NOT going to die. No one dies of heartbreak, even though they may want to.
2. Don't run away from the pain. It's going to hurt you just as much now as it did when you were fourteen. Some things never change. Accept that it's okay to feel bad. Just set a time limit for your grieving period.
3. Even though you can't see it now, it probably happened for the best. Sometimes not getting the one we want the most is the luckiest thing that could happen.
4. The best revenge Living well. So if you really want him to regret leaving you, you're not going to do it by trying to show him how much you love him and by wasting away at his doorstep. You've got to pick yourself up and move on in the classiest way possible, so that when you meet him a year later, just one thought will stop you from laughing in his face: What did I ever see in him