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Thread: How to Proceed

  1. #1

    Unhappy How to Proceed

    Hello All,

    I have problem in my marriage life. I need a help

    I married for past 3 months. Had a arugument with my wife, here i am putting it for your understanding. Please read and help me and how to proceed further on this situation.

    My Nature was, usually i am away from girls, just concentrating on my work because of family commitments, Study, Financial issue, marriage of sisters, etc.. So i never had any personal wordings with girls. I usually said to my mind.. after marriage, i can talk to my wife., and thats how i grown up.

    My Wife was frankly speaking lady, she speaks openly and she is casual and fun making girl and i love her very much.

    1) In this three months of time, my wife went to her mother's home for 10 days., during Dassara seasons. During her absence i felt like i missed her lot and i was calling her on phone after one week. I asked her to come back.. and finaly that happend after 4 days. So totally i missed her for 10 days. During all pooja time i was with my mom doing poojas without my wife.

    2) After coming back to home. a week after her cousin came to home and was with us in home and he was asking marriage treat from my wife. I took him along with my wife and had dinner outside. He is 4 years younger to my wife (BTW.. My age is 33, My wife is 28, cousin is 24 ).

    3) My wife was talking freely and making fun with her cousin and i felt was left alone whenever they were talking and that made me to irritate lot. i felt lonely and i feel like she will leave.

    4), That night i checked my email, and telephone bill came. I checked my wife's bill to know where and all she is talking. My mom told me, that she is talking to phone many times. Even i know, she talks to her mom, sis, grandma, and cousins and school friends. I asked her whose number is this, you have talked many time. She told, that was her school friend (girl).

    5). Then she asked me , are you doubting me.., (now i decided that i can't live with that poor ugly thought of "she will leave me", so i thought of putting stop for my irritating thought that i get whenever my wife talked to other.) So I told her that, i afraid that you will leave me, i told her i am getting these kind of poor thoughts.) Thats why i checked.

    6). She asked me how come you think like that ?

    7). I told her one more incident, that is, nextday of our marriage wedding day, i saw in your phone's (which i Gifted to her, after our engagement) whatsapp group, i saw somebody sent you a many Boys photo. I thought of asking you, but after taking bath, those photos were got deleted by (someone?)...I dint try to make it big.
    After that i was trying NOT CONFUSE OVER THOSE PHOTO, and i was trying to forgot. and focus on my Life with my wife, just thinking about future.

    But, whenever somebody talks to my wife freely, i felt irritate. i remember those photo which i saw in her phone. and I felt like my wife was lying to me or Hiding something to me. Thats why i doubted you (i felt like i need to clean my ugly thoughts) and i asked her that question directly.

    8) She started shouting to my mom, that "Aunt your.. son is doubting me.., i cant live with him any more.." she started crying and starting shouting out of room ".. I was telling her not to shout and dont bring this out of room..

    9) She started calling her, elder sister, mother and father.

    10) She started shouting as "Are you linking me with my cousin ?", she was shouting "Thank God, i dint get pregnant on these 3 months, otherwise you would have doubted that also".

    11). I was begging her not to talk to others about this situation, but she made it public to every one on her family and my family side.

    12). I told here that i am NOT doubting about your behaviour, but the factors whatever happened surrounding us and my poor thought made me to ask like.. that. But she never listened to my words.

    13). Her father, came all the way long journey again and took her to his home.

    * In detail, her father had came to my home for inviting us to Diwali celebration and he left on that night, when i was asking my that question. Next morning he reached his home town (nearly 450 Kms ) and again started back immediately after getting call from his daughter (i.e, my wife)

    Please clarify what else should i do, to recover from this situation.

  2. #2

    This seems to be a case of 'making a mountain out of a mole hill'. Without understanding anything, your wife jumped to the conclusion and also her parents took her side which i feel is wrong. They should have heard the matter and then decided. Now your wife is with her parents. What I feel is that you should speak to her and again explain her. You need to tell her that though you had initially suspected her but soon got over your suspicions to start life afresh. You can also explain her that both of you have different nature and that's what makes you feel insecure sometimes but you are trying to overcome your insecurity. Rather than leaving you, she should support you and help you overcome your shortcomings and irritations.

    Please do not try to further damage the situation by putting the blame on her. though it is solely her mistake, but you need to ignore this. Try to talk to her first and then to her parents. Wishing you luck and hoping all will be well soon.

  3. #3
    You need to sort this matter out. In newly married couples, some problems do crop up due to misunderstandings and adjustment problems. Going through your case, I feel that the decision taken by your wife was in haste. Though you are at no way in wrong but doubting your wife was a wrong move and instead you should have openly communicated to her. You seem to have some sort of a complex as your wife is outgoing. Try to get over these feelings. The first thing that you need to do is to speak to your wife and try to explain her your fears and your efforts in trying to overcome them.

  4. #4
    Thanks Kiran & Dhyaan, for your giving your views on the situation.
    I again spoke with my wife, she understood that and she is back to my home. I also understand that i need to change myself to give freedom to my wife. Thanks again for spending your time on answering this.

  5. #5
    Just spoke with your wife and try toh express your feelings and tell her how much you love her. Just change accordingly with the situations. She will surely turn up and be happy with you and you too.

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