Career Growth Vs Parenting Responsibilities

[Friend Your]

Hi,

I am 8 months pregnant now with age of 25. i had lot of dreams about my career from past 10 years. unfortunately still i didn't settle down in my dream job (IT developer). i left 3 nice job opportunities in past because of lack of support from parents , due to marriage, due to mother-in-law's health problems so on...even though my desire to have my dream job has been increased until now. I requested my husband to postpone my pregnancy. But he desired to have children at proper age. i couldn't betray his dream for my dream. so i obeyed it. i am doing free work to one company through online now to have grip on technology . i felt my self that due to several reasons, i am not able to satisfy my dream. Now also if i sacrifice my dream for other reasons, i can't settle down in my dream job forever because lot of GAP after academics will kill opportunities to me. Now i am in confusion that

whether i have to sacrifice my career to give full time love to my child after birth or else can i sacrifice my baby's lovely time in Day care center to satisfy my dream career? I don't have support of Grand parents. I may need to left baby for 10 hours per day. so i am feeling guilty to left child in Day care center.I need your's suggestions.

[Samruti Thakkar]

Hi,

I empathize with you.. This happens all too often in India, where women have to give up on their dreams..

Lets just see the facts:
- you couldnt take up your dream job because of your parents
- you left 3 great dream jobs because of your inlaws
- to fulfill your husband's dream, you put your dream on hold.

You have already lost a lot of wonderful opportunities in the past. If you didn't have a baby on the way, I would say that it is high time you do something for yourself and let your family do the compromising for once.

But.. In all this, nothing is your unborn baby's fault. Your unborn baby does not deserve to be foisted off to some Day Care while you finally get to live your dream. Dreams have a way of changing or adapting as per your situation. But you, on the other hand, have seemed to hold onto your dream for a long long time. See, times are changing.. It is possible for mothers to do both - excel at work AND be a good mother. But looking at the fact that you wish to leave your baby for ten hours at a stretch means that you will only be able to excel at work. Being an IT developer can still be a dream you pursue. But you need to look for a flexible or part-time or work from home job so you can do both. Some companies have started hiring women to work a few days in office and the rest of the days from home. why dont you try finding a job like that. try fleximoms.in. it has good opportunities for moms.

If you cannot find flexible work timings in your chosen field of work, it maybe time that adapt your dream a little. There are many other profiles in IT, some of which will definitely have flexible timing options. You need to look into those..

Without grandparents also to support your child, your child will need you around. But that doesn't mean you need to give up on your dreams. Just adjust your dreams a little, and you can have it all. A well-balanced compromise within your family is key to it all.

[Friend Your]

Lot of thanks to Samruti ji. Your suggestion is very valuable to me. I will think on it.

Hi,

I empathize with you.. This happens all too often in India, where women have to give up on their dreams..

Lets just see the facts:
- you couldnt take up your dream job because of your parents
- you left 3 great dream jobs because of your inlaws
- to fulfill your husband's dream, you put your dream on hold.

You have already lost a lot of wonderful opportunities in the past. If you didn't have a baby on the way, I would say that it is high time you do something for yourself and let your family do the compromising for once.

But.. In all this, nothing is your unborn baby's fault. Your unborn baby does not deserve to be foisted off to some Day Care while you finally get to live your dream. Dreams have a way of changing or adapting as per your situation. But you, on the other hand, have seemed to hold onto your dream for a long long time. See, times are changing.. It is possible for mothers to do both - excel at work AND be a good mother. But looking at the fact that you wish to leave your baby for ten hours at a stretch means that you will only be able to excel at work. Being an IT developer can still be a dream you pursue. But you need to look for a flexible or part-time or work from home job so you can do both. Some companies have started hiring women to work a few days in office and the rest of the days from home. why dont you try finding a job like that. try fleximoms.in. it has good opportunities for moms.

If you cannot find flexible work timings in your chosen field of work, it maybe time that adapt your dream a little. There are many other profiles in IT, some of which will definitely have flexible timing options. You need to look into those..

Without grandparents also to support your child, your child will need you around. But that doesn't mean you need to give up on your dreams. Just adjust your dreams a little, and you can have it all. A well-balanced compromise within your family is key to it all.

[Hemali Mundra]

Sending your child into daycare for a few hours a day is fine, but sending your child into daycare for so many hours on end is very impractical. I agree with Samruti that you should consider flexi timing. But I find it hard to believe that IT developers need to work so many hours. I think you get IT developer jobs for 9 to 5 as well. If you can do that kinf of job, then you can have it all.

Another option would be to start freelancing as an IT developer or working on contract basis, so you get to spend more time with your child while growing up.

Speak to your husband and ask for his help in fulfilling your dream as well..