Relationships  Discussion Forum

This is a long story, i hope you all have the patience to read it, and then advise.
its been a month to my marriage. my family and my hubby' s family are rival families due to politics.
we got married because my BIL was in love with my cousin, and since we are rivals, my relatives consented only when it was agreed that my hubby will me marry me too (this is my second marriage). So me and my cousin got married on the same day.
My bil and my cousin are very happy in their new home, but me and my hubby have a strange relationship. he is a doctor, and my in laws are very influential, and have a high standard in the society. my hubby is very reticent, doesnt have much fun, doesnt party too much. my relatives have always been against him, because when he was in college , he used to be a playboy, and a huge flirt, and had a bad reputation. he also modelled for sometime, and he is a very handsome man. i believe he has stopped being such a playboy since long, but my relatives still believe he is some kind of bad guy, and they keep teasing him and taunting him. I believe he married me only so that his younger brother could marry my cousin, my husband loves his younger brother alot.
So far, we have been having an ok relationship, he goes to work early, and comes back late, we hardly get any time to talk. We havent consummated our relationship yet, and we havent gone on our honeymoon as well.
i feel there is no feelings in our relation because my hubby married me only as a sacrifice. once or twice, he has tried to be intimate with me, but i couldnt handle the situation, and i think that turned him off. he is an extremely handsome and smart man, and i am a ordinary looking girl, i have a complex. plus my relatives keep teasing and taunting him about him being a licentious and reprobate man.
I am well aware of his past and if i had a choice i wouldnt marry someone like him, but he is changed, he is not like that anymore. Now he is a respectable doctor. And now i want to have a happy married life with him.
Advise me to how to deal with him. I want him to want me as a wife, not as a sacrificial lamb. I want to commence some intimacy between us, and i dont know how to go about it. He is very serene and reticent, and he never talks about what he likes and what he doesnt.
Please advise. mm replied. maybe you should learn to reply like Ritika.
Grow up.
I dont want judgemental reviews of people here. When one comes here, she or he needs advice, not judgement biased opinions. No one wants judgements, cause a judged opinion of my life and then weird comments concerning them are NOT going to help me. But advice will help me.
I am sure no one can write their story in a single sitting. And i am sure no one sane does. hahaha replied. so boring tt replied. dear mm,

this is a normal post, everone understands a psot differently and presents his/her views. You have publicised your case, so can expect resentment also.

You don' t have to reply everybody. You are a grown up person and should know how to ignore.

You simply start fighting. You are not a child anymore, so stop doing this. People write their posts and forget. Most of them don' t read back.

I am sure you' ll write to this as well.

GROW UP>>>>> and also write your story on a word document, so that it is in full length. You simply keep adding stuff... and keep fighting a Lady replied. I read your post. You say your relatives mentioned that it is a better deal.

Later you said that you have not married for the sake of your sister and your parents. Then whom did you marry for?
Answer: your own self…. Because it INDEED was a good deal.

I am a lady, married too. I am a pretty liberal lady to take any steps. But even being liberal, I know one thing I would not like to see the face of a person who has been a reason (whether directly, intentionally or indirectly) for the break of my first marriage.

You have really thought about it and married this doctor and now you simply want to prove that you are right. You have really done a bad business.

And now you are after help from the readers of this section, so that by your bad tactics you can live a happy life. For you guys, there should be separate section, so that only people like you can give suggestions because you have done the same.

You are really a bad person.

Also you are not suffering from partial AMENESIA like Ashwariya Rai who had this problem in a movie which had co-stars Abeshek Bacchan and Arjun Rampal. a reader replied. Read ur reply... read ur post again... read the entire conversations and see...it looks filmi....

Don' t mind, but I gave u a cool suggetion without considering whether it is real or not....

Anyways... best of luck in trying to make ur marriage work.... Really hope it works.... a reader replied. I read ur story and also the way u replied others and \" known\" .

To be true I really think \" known\" is right to an extent. One should not get into any kind of social service. Tell me one thing, who is most important in ur life?

U may say, ur parents, sis, etc. But what about u? Where are u?

Caz of ur sacrificies, ur parents might be happy, ur sis might be, but AGAIN \" WHAT bout Ü?\"

Incase you live for ur parents and sis, then just let it go on as it is, don' t expect anything with this relation as ur husband married you caz he loves his brother...not caz he cares for u. U are nowhere in his life atleast at this stage.

As far as intimacy (twice) is concerned, ur husband is living in the same room with a girl (who is his so called wife), dont mind...wife nahi bhi hoti, even then he would have tried.

Ur hubby goes to work early, comes back late, u guys didn' t go for honeymoon....Cmon mm, do u call this OK relationship..... Dear, u r not strangers, u are so called partners of life...

U need to really think that what u want now. Incase u wanna stay with him and continue marriage, then u have to collect ur efforts and have a clear discussion with ur partner. Ask him, what he has in his mind, tell ur thoughts, and see where u go…

And in all cases, start concentrating on urself and don’t try to be “mahan” by ageing wrong things imposed by ur parents or ur family members. Remember one thing, life is short, tryg living for urself, live for others also if and only if IT DOES NOT HURT U PERSONALLY….. Think about URSELF….

Is duniya mein “mahan” banker na bhagwan RAM ko kuch mila hai, na SITA ji ko. Logon ka kaam hai kehna…aur who kuch na kuch to kahenge…. Known replied. I am surprised when you first got married, there was that superstitious lady, then when u got married again, why u did in hurry? Were you not knowing this website at that time. At that time, you are saying u got married becoz u got a better deal or a best deal. Are you doing some business or what, I am really feeling angry with you but God has given you some ' bheja' that is for use at the right time, u didn' t use it earlier and now you want everything to be alright oernight. Just think its your own life, why you guys did social service for ur cousin or somebody.

I am surprise you have got into a mess yourself....now option available to you is try to imrpove ur relationship and that can happen only when u both do efforts. If one of you don' t do efforts then nobody can help you. king uncle replied. Dear mm,Introspect your problem and you will realise that the cause of the problem are your thoughts and ideas.Try to think that you are one of the most beautiful woman.The colour of the skin or features do not only create beauty.The personality and how you carry your self also makes you beautiful.Go for a honeymoon and try to be intimate with your husband.Physical intimacy creates and bonds the relationship.Forget the past and by no standards your married life deserves to be unhappy.move out of the thoughts and think about only the positivce changes which you will be bringing to your life.Care for him and try to keep him happy.Go ahead a beautiful life awaits you! myself replied. mm,

Its sad that you have to be in the situations that you are in. Truly your story almost sounds filmy the Indian style but the pain is so real!

Very difficult circumstances guided and led by political family rivalry and superstitions you are pushed into an arranged marriage, which should not have been. But now that you are married you have to make the most of it.

You said your present was married earlier, is he too older to you? The emotional disconnection your H feels is clear but do you feel any hatred or abuse from him? You said you attempted being intimate but could not sustain, but was his reaction accepting or inviting? Can you try that again? He appears to be a man of few words, but do you still understand his world of work, his hospital, his patients, his likes dislikes, his strength and weaknesses. His prides and insecurities? You need to make efforts to understand these, if possible from him or else from wherever! Do not worry at this stage about society' s reaction to your M with him. Concentrate and focus all your energy on the M itself, the societal reaction can be tackled later. Keep posting. mm replied. I think i posted the above post in a hurry, i would like to add more details to give a clearer picture. Sorry for making it so long.
My family and my hubby' s family have been political rivals since long, it wast much rivalry untill recently, when i got married the first time, and when me and my 1st husband were going home in the marriage vehicle, a car from their family crashed into us and injured my husband alot. My then MIL was very superstitious, and she believed that i was a bad omen as on the day of marriage i had brought them bad luck, so i wasnt allowed to their home, and was immediately sent back home, and an annulment was carried out the very next day. So my married life had been ruined, and the entire blame was put on my current hubby' s family, and they thought of it as some conspiracy against us.
Since that time, the rivalry grew. Unfortunately, or fortunately, my BIL fell in love with my cousin, and wanted to marry her no matter what. Fights and altercations ensued, i remember my brothers and relatives bashing up my current hubby when he tried to take a stand with his younger brother. he had to be admitted to the hospital and the hate and rivalry grew. he realised then that my situation was being blamed on his family, and he was enraged about it because it was not practical to place that blame on him and his family.
Ultimately other families intervened, and someone suggested that since his family had ruined my married life, they should do something about, and if my current hubby had the guts, he should come forward and marry me. To everyone' s shock and surprise, he agreed. I wasnt even asked properly, i was told to give my consent. The marriage ceremony was done within a fortnight, and everything was so rushed, that me and my current hubby never got a chance to speak liberally to each other.
Everyone thought i had got a good deal, and that i had been given a second chance. They thought i was lucky to find someone so educated, respectable, and so handsome. And this is how my married life started...

Another problem i cant deal with, is probably jealousy. My husband is extremely good looking, and everywhere we go, or anytime my distant relatives drop in, i can see young girls staring at him wishfully. everyone knows his reputation as a flirt, and am not comfortable with it. how do i tell him i am not comfortable with all this? how do i deal with this situation? i am not as attractive as he is, and all this ogling is giving me a bigger complex.