Views on Article - Saas Bahu
Name: Frustration
Country: India
Comment:
even after 10 years of marriage my MIL didn't think i am member of family, i am working and my kids used to be with her whole day and some times it seems that she is taking my kids away from me , as every time my 3 years old son use dto say mummy gandi hai, and moreover every time she says i am telling every thing to my parents, she didn't lke my parents as well
Name: Dimple
Country: U.S.A.
Comment:
continue earlier one. i dont wish my kid to grow in such environment, she is a gal n she might get this impression of just being good to all whatever it takes, if it happens then this world of MIL's is ready to take away our happiness so i want her to be very independent and so me too ready for any strong decision at anytime. it costs a lot but then what is now is also costing a whole lot... i certainly dont want my baby to follow the typical tredition.
Name: Dimple
Country: U.S.A.
Comment:
asking help from others is not a solution i think "Kick their Butt" has right suggestion, we look at their age and stop saying anything coz they might get hurt but this is not the way, like this we will be at their age and will be giving respect only and will spoil the one n only life. live at your fullest dears, take off these tenssions and make urself free. when you get affected by MIL's acts or sayings then only it hurts na.. then comeon.. wake up and get busy with something creative something taht makes us happy not them, show them taht whatever they do our happiness and our life is not in their hands, her son is might be a doggie who gives his belt in her hands but not me.. hello i am happy and have all rights to be happy... BEST LUCK..
Name: Dimple
Country: U.S.A.
Comment:
inmy case i know she is not bad but she thinks i am tooo bad, keeps saying everything negative about me to all. me n my hubby live in CA, USA. n my in-laws in India. this is not my fault that her son cant live with her but she punishes me for not being abel to live with her son. she does not wants us to get setteled in India, and cant accept that my hubby keeps me happy. i do not have a single bank a/c on my name not even in sharing taht in case these guys kick me off i can live on taht amt for untill i get on my feet for my baby n me, still she is not happy. i think tath i can do anything but to remain sad forever to make her happy czo i am the only DIL for her and she might not see that if i get bad her life will be screwed. my culture n so called SANSKAR's dont allow me to do anything bad but to share with you all i watn to tell few stories here- once me n she had lil hot chat, i am literature person so told her "never worry about u took bath or not if hungry then get in kitchen its fine, your thoughts are pure then bathed or not dosent matter" she took it as i told her that her thoughts are not good and told my hubby a teh same thing with bad words. she called him in a seprate room i was able to see that from kitchen, i clearly saw she ordered him to close the door by her eyes and he did so, after coming out he started yelling at me taht i am not good at all. i thing the person who cant keep his position at one place whogoes back to his mother like a dog and follows her signs too is just a dog not a good hubby. when you get married get ready to become a hubby while you are a son. and after becoming father atleast think about the lil one who loves you blindly dont understand ur tricks. thes "MAVADIAS" are like that. this year when we went to India she spoiled our tour me n my hubby faught many tiems, almost everytime we got alone we kept fighting on small small things, i was really not wanted it to be that way but if i keep silent everytime she will dominate me infront of my kids n others..to be cont...
Name: I hate my MIL
Country: India
Comment:
After 12 years of marriage and living in a different country she still controls my husband just as if he is under her foot - i say my MIL is a fist - with 4 sons (life for fingers) & 1 FIL (like the thumb) and she rolls it into a fist to beat the DIL. She is such a women who does not need to say a word - just hint and the sons will do it for her - even if she says jump out of the window on 13th floor - they will do it blindly - it is ruining my life and every chance of happiness that i may have - but her luck is toooooo goood - never seems to get over - so the husband feels that only his mother is right
Name:
Country: India
Comment:
Name: toBeFair
Country: U.S.A.
Comment:
It would be interesting and fair to see the other side of the arguments from teh husband's and MIL perspective. It would truely bring things to a full circle and hopefully convey a fair outlook on joint families. A suggestion to the web editor is to create a similar posting / blog for husband and MILs.
Name: Garima
Country: India
Comment:
Ya this must be read by all husbands.. But i know they won't because they can never ever think or feel like that..Days before today i was thinking that there must be only rare families where this happens but now i come to know that its the story of every other woman.. I am also very much depressed of my marrige life. I got married one and a half year ago. This was an arranged marrige.The main problem with me is my MIL. She is very much possesive about her son. She has made my life miserable. I when came to my in laws house, I completely given my self in serving all family members. My MIL does not want me to sit free for a moment. When she find me free she always tell me to do house hold chores. She even does not help me even if my health does not allow me to stand. My husband dont even talk to me in her presence. He just think that would be disrespecting to her if he talks to me in front of her. We have two small rooms in our home. And we live with my MIL an BIL. Even my husband keeps the door open at night that thinking that it is very shamefull to keep door closed while mother is there. She does not give a moment to my husband to talk to me. Even after that much time of our marrige we are like two persons who know very little about each othe. This does not matter to my husband because he is in a comfortable zone but i m not. I have left my home my family for him, for his love but he thinks only about his mother. I am just like a maid at home to serve his family. His family has 5 Members and each one is fully dependent on me even for a bit.I dont know what to do with it. I am really very upset. Please can anyone give me advice what should i do.i m really very helpless.
Name: tortuted wife
Country: India
Comment:
My husbsnd is a perfect mamma boy. he has four sis who are a step ahead of their mom. Eldest one had a love marraige . her hubby is a perfect awara. Has never earned a single penny in his life. all of them r enjoying on my hubby money ( note not our) .+ my hubby thinks I should provide perfect services to his mom , sis and their kids . my hubby does know all this but is happier to go with it rather than against it.he will say harsh words to me when his family backbites. Now i have started feeling iam wasting my life with a man like this. any comments
Name: love
Country: India
Comment:
MIL are is monster in law ha..ha.. how come i didnt know this in 12 years of married life. Sure my MIL is also monster at times, she takes care of my children (rather i should say she takes care in such a way that my children are scared of their mom). cud anybody say me, Cant we take care of our own children in the absence of MIL? If DIL (courage/daughter in law?)is there we can do wonders. U people agree to me?
Name: ylabem
Country: Portugal
Comment:
What i can advise is that we need to be smarter and act like the godesses we are. What i do is to full concentrate on my husband and think off her like nothing; i try my best that she doesn't affect me and i concentrate on my husband to keep him on my side: i treat him the best i can and try to please him and slowly i give little hints and comments abaut her mother and always say "but she is your mother, probably she didnt meant it" The best we have to fight is the heart of husband since thats what they want also. Dont think bad of me cos this is my opinion. Sometimes i loose my tempoer but i see that is not the best for me. If we concentrate on pleasing her or star question ourselves we loose our mind and star acting stresses and husband don't like. Stil i have many problems with her but i have my husband on my side.
Name: Kick their Butt
Country: India
Comment:
My MIL is a big B.She doesnt put a servant trying to save money.I stay in usa making 6 figure amount a month when I go back she expects me to lead her crappy life inspite of my husband sending her large sums of money which I have no issue with. My FIl is henpecked fool who boils milk and does crappy house work and does not concentrate on bigger activities in life.One thing I learnt is Indian MIL thinks the kitchen is their domain and honestly thats the only crappy world they have seen so even if you are staying in a bigger world full of opportunities and success they boil you down to their crappy life because thats all they know and ya MIl know how to create fights between happily married son and dil.....sick ppl who cant see that someone has a better life then them....but I want to breathe and live life so I dont listen to her rubbish....GIRLS BE STRONG KICK THEIR BUTT WE HAVE 1 LIFE TO LIVE>>>>
Name: Foregin Image
Country: India
Comment:
In a country like India where there are arranged marriages that is to the happiness of ebery one espicially when the parents of the girl and boy chooses them , I guess the situation should not be so bad . If you don like the girl say no to her 1 st only. why brig her home and the torture her . She came to your family coz u got her married to your son . Afterall you want your son to be happy . So Monster inlaws please be humane inlaws !
Name: xyz
Country: U.S.A.
Comment:
even staying in abroad being away frm MIL fr fur long distance, we face prbs of money issuies , my mil keeps asking me money now and then and this creats prb btw both of us plz help me
Name: fd
Country: Switzerland
Comment:
Hi JP! I think u should tell about this to ur husband in a very subtle way.....if u dont raise ur voice now....then u will feel more miserable with days to pass....life is long ! And believe me ur inlaws are going to live longer. So do what makes u feel happy and good. Take their advice only where u are confused but dont get dominated by anyone even not ur husband. Yeah! dosenot mean that u dont listen to anyone and misbehave but life is small....its not worth living in a prion...u need freedom of speech thought and work.... regards
Name: Conflicting viwes
Country: Other
Comment:
I live with my inlaws . My husband is the only son. I have a four year old son whos is pretty active / naughty . However I am of the opinion that I shold never jit him . My mother in-law hits him and punishes him for the smallenst issues. I know that telling them what I think is no use as they will only call it stupid philisophy . I have told my husband also believes in non violence. Howver he is unsure of how to approach his parents about ot . Ad we live in a foregin country and our in laws have no one else to rely on they are living with us . Yogi ji I 'd appreciate your opinion /advice
Name: JP
Country: U.S.A.
Comment:
When I got married, they came to usa and lived with us for about 2 months. It was like a hell for me and I was very depressed. I would get told at every little thing, I should do this and that. After observing my habits and behavior for 2 months, they made 2 pages of list that was given to me . I was expected to follow what they had suggested how I should change!! And I was so naïve that I said okay and did not utter a word to husband about the list. This happened about 5 yrs back, to the date I have no guts to say anything if something is happening wrong, They have been living with us from last 2 yrs here and it gets very depressing. Women have no right to argue with anyone in the family especially with the MEN, even if they are wrong! I am not strong enough to fight back…..Now I am really fed up with this…any advise?
Name: Housewife
Country: India
Comment:
I am confused, my MIL does not allow me to do any work at home she tell me u take rest or do ur work??? Its beeen 3yrs since i do not feel part of the family. She does all work by herself then whats my duty
Name: it hurts
Country: India
Comment:
my husband got food poising and immeditely i took him to doctor, next day my dearest mom in law told my husband that you should have gone with some elder who could have taker care of you.. what she thinks i am a 2 year old clild..
Name: Depressed
Country: India
Comment:
even i am waiting for the story from their side, hope i can come to know their devil mind. why have god made joint families???
Name: Yogi
Country: Angola
Comment:
Dear Depresed...even I'm anxious to listen to their views...I know that DIL's do face unfair treatment, no denying to this fact...even I beleive in the artice....but we should listen to the views of all the party...
Name: Depressed
Country: India
Comment:
Dear Mr. yogi We would like to listen to the stories of Mother in laws coz we wanna know "what's in their mind and why do they mentally torture us???
Name: Yogi
Country: Angola
Comment:
well it will be interestig to read the other side of stories too i.e. MIL's and Husbands/Sons...
Name: Yogi
Country: Angola
Comment:
well it will be interestig to read the other side of stories too i.e. MIL's and Husbands/Sons...
Name: Lakshmi
Country: India
Comment:
Mom in law is always monster in law and coming to understanding the state of husbands and sons...hello....if they cannot support they ahve no right to marry and spoil somebody else's lives.....just understand that first then talk.....
Name: fed up by my Monster in law
Country: India
Comment:
i am fed with my monster in law tears and sarcastic comments
Name: Yogi
Country: Angola
Comment:
Guys!! All those MIL's & Wife's can you all, for a moment, think what your husbands or sons goes through because of your interpersonal problems...I guess you can never know...
Name: Lakshmi
Country: india
Comment:
Thats's true gentleman I totally go by ur words but what to do when a bahu is already didcriminated.....when is always treated paraya.....ya toh usse saja ke bitha doh loggon ke saamne she shud not look worn out in front of others as others shud not come to know that she had heavy work at home and also she is expected to do every bit of work at home......why???agar kar rahi hein toh bahu kar rahi hein bolne mein problem kya hien....wives tell me don't u all agree with me...are there not many women who are facin such problems? definitely bahu's will treat Mils like maa....when initially MILs treat bahu's like betis......and yes MILs should do this first as the bahu is coming to an unknown world where she has to be made comfortable....I really want tht a MIL should read this article and have a heart burn...
Name: Husband
Country: india
Comment:
God !!!! Just couple of things : (1)Wifes, pls be tolerant. Because u r dealing with a person who is like ur mother, infact ur husband's mother ; and u have loved ur husband more than u have loved urself. (2) Ma-in-laws, consider ur bahu as ur own daughter. Infact, she is your daughter and life partner of a person (ie,ur son) whom u have loved more than ur own self. (3)Respect between ma-in-law and bahu...yes...but let it be a more friendly relationship than a formal relationship. At last, lets not lose the faith in the institution of marriage. Lets not tell our future generation that "You are either happy or married" ! God Bless All Sarwe Santo Niramaya
Name: Lakshmi
Country: india
Comment:
Again I felt low , I felt depressed as usual.....very simple...I woke up this yesterday morning with a severe backpain, after coming from fresh room I asked my husband some tablets and told " aaj baithna mushkil pad raha hein" my MIL was also sitting there and she was mum....did not utter a word throughout the day I suffered from excruciating pain but she was motionless.....did not even ask once kaise hua kyun hua....i know puch ne se dard kam nahin jayega magat maa hothi toh zaroor puchthi na......toh mujhe agar aise treat kiya jayega how can i treat het like maa.....i cant even bring near to the concept of maa.....rather she changed her facial expressions as and did not tall to me properly after that....whenever I complain of any ailment she behaves like this only.....i am cluless abt solution.....m also a humanbeing.....earlier also I was so sick that I was not able to stand even.....somebody rang the bell and I could not open the door...oh my god she made my life miserable......my husband does not understand all this...rather fights with me badly whenever I bring this topic....he does not support me openly.....he rather keeps quiet!!!!if anyone has a clue please help me.....m really really sick of this lady and I am losing all respect I had .....when her sister came to our house she had a stomach pain and my MIL blew the roof that she was suffering.....that time from where does all empathy sympathy arise...and in my case in front of her I was suffering like hell(she know abt my back pain history as well), and she sat like a stone without reaction and rather behaved as if I have done some mistake.....mein kahan jaun solution ke liye...koi toh batao.....please.....
Name: matri
Country: india
Comment:
Hi, I had to deal with the usual saaa stuff and over that my monster in law tried to diaplace me as a mother of my own child.She startd behaving as if my son was her baby .Any tips on that ?.my relationship with her is now spoilt forever.
Name: undisclosed
Country: india
Comment:
'Saas bhe kabhi bahu dhe '- Sas(s) please consider that . So you want someone to suffer like you did ? You must be a Sadist then
Name: hay
Country: india
Comment:
Wow, It's so true. I felt as if I am reading my own story. Does anyone has any tips on how can I be not affected with my inlaws and my husband. My Husband has a tendency to ignore me as a third person just to make his parents and his sisters comfortable. Although I stay with them for abt a month every year but his married three sisters and father dont leave any stone unturned to harass me emotionally. Please any points how can I be unaffected. I know they do it intentionally to create problems.
Name: SK
Country: india
Comment:
I COMPLETELY AGREE WITH Lakshmi Ravi Chandran (INDIA) ALTHOUGH I DON'T KNOW HOW FAR IT'S TRUE WITH HIM;BUT MY CASE I HAVE TRIED TELLING THIS TO MY HUSBAND A COUPLE OF TIMES THAT I COMPLETELY UNDERSATND THAT THEY ARE HIS PARENTS & I DO NOT WANT HIM TO GO & ARGUE WITH BUT AT LEAST HE CAN EMPATHISE WITH ME BEHIND CLOSED DOORS & SOMETIMES EVEN AGREE WITH ME THAT HIS MOM IS NOT ALWAYS RIGHT,BUT NO USE LIKE OTHERS WE END UP IN A BIG FIGHT WITH TEARS ROLLING DOWN I REALLY HOPE SOMEDAY HE 'LL GET THIS.
Name: Lakshmi Ravi Chandran
Country: india
Comment:
I absolutely agree this article, mothers in law are soemtimes very narrow, infact always....they try to act very good in front of their sons and behind make bahus life a hell....all mamma's boys should read this and yup my advise to all mama's boys(including my hubby)"dont support your wife by yelling at ur mom but please don't let her cry in lonliness when she eventually starts comparing the life like paradise at her mom's place and here its a hell..."husbands plz realize that u have loved her and brought her here with all the promises of support and empathy now plz dont escape when she really really needs you.....dont make her feel that carrying relationships is a burden amd plz stop explitation on her......please my earnest request to all mama's boys......please cooperate and yah I dont support that husbands have to be away from this.....why?????they have to know aht is happening at their back and they have to support or else as said earlier by someone"never marry and spoil somebody's life rather serve ur mama and keep a maid"
Name: m
Country: usa
Comment:
its soo true.inspite of being away from home.my mother in law raised problems for us for nearly 2 yrs.but i guess its a phase.husbands do have a mind of their own.they may take sum time but guess they'll know from where the problems r coming
Name: Poonam Chopra
Country: india
Comment:
He does so to remind his wife that she is having him , as the love of her life bcoz of this same saas, all the qualites which made her love him was inculcated by this same mother in law. The ladies who think that her hubby sud take her side in all circumstances, plz put ur mother in his mother's place and ur brother in his place.. i m sure u will never fight with ur mom in law again. So many times ur mother cud have been wrong? did u stop talking to her?fight with her? No !! obviously. Then y do we complain that a bahu is a bahu( Daughter in law) and a beti( daughter) is a beti.. do u treat ur mom in law as ur mom in law?.1st ask urself this questions then ask others.
Name: Satya
Country: usa
Comment:
May I know who wrote this article and what's his/her credibility in writing this article. I need to know whom I am listling to before I pay any attention.
Name: r
Country: india
Comment:
hi i dont want to disclose my name.this article gave me direction.it made me understand what is right and what is wrong.i understood what i was missing in my life.thank you very much.i have been married for 2 years.we have a custom of first night at girl's house and then going to boy's house from there at an auspicious time.so at the day of marriage,when we were coming to my place,his father told him with a sigh"son,today your mother'll not sleep".there it started.when we came to his house,the cold war between mother and son started.she started suggesting him what i should call him etc.she started telling me that her son was not like this,just within 4 days of marriage he changed.she dont directly hit at me,she plays underground,manipulates her son.this has created serious problems in our life.respecting their age i dont say anything bad to them.but they are taking advantage of that.even now it goes on.now i started telling this to my husband,but this causes big fights only,leaving both of us stressed.they never used to celebrate b'days and festivals or have customs.now she started introducing new customs like sending money&gifts to his parents at festivals&their b'days.just once in these 2 years we sent a gift to my house,and she brought down storm at home.never after that we sent anything to my house ,fearing her.i dont fear her,i just think about my husband,his health,his mental peace,he sometimes become too stressed and tensed,but never say against them.she makes my husband feel guilty of not loving his parents and plays with this guilt factor.the truth is he never says bad about them even at their back.he regularly transfers his savings to his father's account.but to show that they dont need his money,they tell me that they have their own savings and they dont want his money.now she's asking him to come and stay near to them.if someone tells her that let them make their own decisions,then she tells them that"i have every right to tell my son what i feel".now she is blowing trumpets around everyone that she is going to temples for us to have a child.she asked my hus to take me to a gyno.and he took me to the dr.he didnt tell me that it was her idea.later i found out.she tells these kind of things to my parents or me,but not completely.she kept silent until we saw the dr,she thought i would say no(as i used to do earlier)when he asks me.but i agreed this time.everything was ok.and we were leading peaceful life after that.then she tells my parents"i asked my son to take her to a gyno".her tone always changes when she hears that we are happy here.she has this habit of causin trouble when everything is going smooth here.when we first told her that we concieved,her first words to me were"it is good chance to fit your man inside your fist".not even a good or congratulation or anything.i think my husband should read this article.there may be many girls suffering worse than these.they should also read this(both husbands&wives).they should know their rights,and what they deserve.
Name: Dr.Jyoti Priyadarshini
Country: india
Comment:
Very true.Should be read by all husbands.Unfortunately, my mother-in-law will not be able to understand it.(The article being in english).
Name: Tripti
Country: india
Comment:
fantastic! how real it is...i can identify myself with it and I am sure thousands will do the same. This article should play role in opening eye to the sect of people who always love to put mothers on top of wife irrespective of whatever might be the situation. Well done.
Name: gunjan
Country: usa
Comment:
i am really glad to read this.there are people who understand how risky life is with in-laws.why all mamma's boy cant be fair with wife..if husband doesnt want to care and understand wife's feeling...what is the point of marraige!!!!!if mamma's boy really cares about parents only,they should hire a maid and not ruin anybody's life...marraige is not a play,which could keep taking turn anytime,,,,its comitement..be with it
Name: bahu
Country: usa
Comment:
very practical and true article..because they are older in age with name tag "parents",they dont have to be right all the time...this is reality of indian family life style and every joint family has this "khit pit" because of parent's interference in our life.at this age only thing they should care about is food on time,sleeping and may be something for timepass....nothing else is their business..most of the time even son knows, he doesnt have guts to speak up for his own wife...why?
Name: deepa
Country: india
Comment:
Wonderful article!! How true are the facts. This message must be conveyed to all the "mamma's boys"!!
Name: Arati Rahane
Country: india
Comment:
'A wifes thoughts' -The truth to dealing with this tricky position is for the wife and saas to deal with situations and issues by themselves and not include the male/other members of the family as far as possible (keeps the politics away). Sometimes its better to be frank and let the other know abt your take on things. Also, would advice the wife to be occasionally vocal in appreciating the better qualities of her saas. 'Advice to husband'- STAY OUT OF THIS!!!
Name: wife/bahu
Country: india
Comment:
sometimes bahus do things which normally saas does...and the husband ends up taking side with his wife and hurting his mom.. so it doesn't matter who is wrong..i think the husbands should stay out of it..and ask the wife and mom to deal with it themselves and not involve them. the moment husbands/sons interfere ...a samll fight turns into a big war..
Name: anu
Country: india
Comment:
it need understanding on both sides. husbands shuld understand their wives and wives too has to take into account that after all its his mother and it becomes very difficult for him what to do in some situations. Dear All Life is too small so enjoy every moment.
Name: SNV
Country: india
Comment:
Its so very true..it should be read by husbands and not wifes..coz we know whats happening around, its them who needs to understand our feelings.. But I wonder if things will ever happen as said here!!
Name: Tony S
Country: india
Comment:
But maya it will only be read and criticized by these 'mammas boy' husbands. They will never learn anything from the wonderful article, otherwise this place would have been a fun place to live in. !!!!! dont u think ?
Name: maya
Country: india
Comment:
this article should be read by all husbands!
|
PARENTING CHANNELS Sex Education | Fertility | Preconception Newborn | Baby'S Diet | Child Development | Child'S Healthcare Raising Children | Manners | Intelligence | Confidence Nutrition | Home Remedies | Teen Issues | Indian Culture Alternative Healing | Home Decor | Doctors On Call |
|
Baby - Baby Photo Contest | Lucky Names | Lucky Birthdates | Horoscopes | Chinese Calendar | Compatibility Test | Fun Zone Parenting - Message Boards | Planning a Baby | Pregnancy | Parents of Babies | Baby Names | Birth Announcements | Parenting Quiz Family - Baby Name Poll | Cooking Club | Love & Relationships | Beauty Tips | Weight Calculator | Travel | Recipe Maker General - Calorie Counter | Personality Quiz | Love Signs | Compatibility Quiz |
|
Copyright (c) 1999 - 2008 India Parenting Pvt. Ltd. Home | Site Map | Comments or Suggestions | News Archive | Resources | Contact Us | Advertise with Us | RSS |