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Teen Issues Topics..

 
You are here : home > Teen Issues > Teen Problems > Leaving The Nest

Leaving The Nest


Parents would do well to remember their own first experience of leaving home. For many it came easily, but for some it was accompanied by stress and for others, conflict. In remembering their own experience, parents next have to consider the experience they want to provide their son or daughter.

This experience of leaving home is important psychologically for children, now young adults, and parents alike. The experience can set the tone for the next stage of family development; adult-to-adult relationship with your child.

After managing through adolescence, parents are faced with the fact that their child is a young adult, and they will not be able to order them about for much longer. Gone are the days of parental authority. Coming to terms with this fact lies at the heart of the leaving home experience, and can impact on your son or daughters sense of adult security and your future relationship together.

Perhaps it is not so much that the parents must reassure their children that they will be all right, but that the parents must reassure themselves and not let their concerns impede the children's departure. Let them leave in peace and do not try to cram in all the lessons left untaught. Some lessons are only gained by leaving home.


For a better leaving home experience consider these suggestions:

1. Talk with your son or daughter about their feelings of leaving home. Don't push on whether they will miss you though, as this feeling might actually be your own. If it doesn't come up, then maybe the thought hasn't crossed their mind in the excitement of the experience.

2. Reminisce with them about their growing up and the pleasures you have had along the way. Marvel at their growth and accomplishments and your anticipation of future accomplishments.

3. Plan well for the departure so the actual moment isn't fraught with last minute errands or conflicts. Offer your help and be prepared to stand back or jump in - only as requested or discussed. Your hand is no longer attached to the bicycle seat and you have to let go now again.


If you follow these suggestions you may experience a smoother transition to an adult relationship with your son or daughter. This kind of experience can repair past conflicts with your child and improve the odds of having a great relationship as adults.

To see other article by Gary Direnfeld or contact him: click here

 

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22 Comments
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Rohan.7 years ago
very good article.
 
 
 
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Shannu.7 years ago
a well written article. really makes our mind to think abt this aspect.
 
 
 
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umasreedhar.7 years ago
it is good that we discuss
with them.
 
 
 
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ap.7 years ago
i wish i had read this before my son left home. i was such a baby. now my daughter is preparing to leave. i realize after reading the article that we have to interact as adults now.
 
 
 
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Concerned Father.7 years ago
the first thing i asked my daughter was "don't fall in love with someone from the other side of the country" and that's the first thing she did! now the boy wants to marry her and both are thinking to move out of florida! i'm going crazy over this idea, having a horrible time with her, i want to keep her near by so i can see her or visit them often .. is that asking too much? how can i learn to let go? please write to psprouser@aol.com if you have any advice

sad dad
 
 
 
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Gary Direnfeld.7 years ago
i am the author of the article.

yes, it can be difficult letting go of our children, but how we do so will also set the stage for how they may return!

always leave the door open.

best,

gary direnfeld
www.yoursocialworker.com
 
 
 
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Allysa.7 years ago
this article is very good for me. my son has completed his first year
of college and is home for the summer.
my husband and i disagree about how i am treating our son,
who is now 19. i don't want to drive him away, but i
just know he is not ready to leave the nest. i am speaking to other parents about this subject.

i enjoyed this article.
 
 
 
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Mary.7 years ago
as a veteran of the empty nest syndrome can i say that there are two ways to look at things. first, let me assure you that you have tenure. if you're good, before long they'll call you to baby sit on a saturday night. also, let me remind you parents that you had a life before raising children and yay! you can continue what you were doing before you were rudely interrupted, or try something new. it's never too late. if you've raised your children to do the right thing by themselves and the people around them if you've given them good values, let go. good luck.
 
 
 
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saravana kumar.7 years ago
it is very useful to us.we thank you very much.

god bless you
 
 
 
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CHRIS.7 years ago
my oldest daughter is graduating from high school this yr and i miss her terribly because she is never home and when she is now she doesn't talk if she is not at her boyfriends then she is at the computer emailing him. i wish we could be close as we once were but i don 't know where to begin. any suggestions?
 
 
 
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