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Teen Issues Topics..

 
You are here : home > Teen Issues > Dating > Parties and Your Daughter

Parties and Your Daughter

Your daughter has just entered the age of puberty and has also started showing signs of interest in the opposite sex. She also feels the need to spend more time with her friends, go for movies, lunches, dinners and the occasional party. You as a parent are worried. What should you do? Should you discourage your child from such deviant thoughts and activities?

In Indian society, boys are usually permitted to go out and have a nice time, while girls are expected to observe certain rules, regulations and traditions. If you have a daughter past the age of eleven, it is very likely that she has started becoming interested in the opposite sex. You have a choice to encourage or discourage her. Should you provide her with some freedom, or should you stick tight to your morals, values and Indian culture? Here's why you should loosen up as a parent, and send your daughter for the occasional movie and party.
 

Peer Pressure

"Everyone's doing it!" While this may not be reason enough for you to let her hang out with the opposite sex, it's unfair if she's the only one not being allowed to go for a party or for a movie or for lunch with the boys. You may think it doesn't matter, but it does. 'Fitting in' is of prime importance at this age - and if you don't let her 'fit in' by sending her for harmless outings, she may try to 'fit in' by indulging in not-so-harmless activities like smoking. 
 

Healthier 

Okay, everyone's not doing it. You're living in a semi-conservative neighbourhood, and while the parents of some girls are liberal, there are conservative parents like you who don't encourage their girls to mix with the opposite sex. But remember, it's the girls who are given the freedom who go to sleep happier, content individuals. 

If you adopt a more tolerant and understanding approach, your daughter will grow up with a healthier and more mature attitude towards boys. 
 

Marriages

The sole reason parents are strict with their daughters, is because they feel she may bet a 'bad name' and consequently they may not be able to get her married. It's time you realized that your daughter is probably far more capable of finding a suitable match for herself than you give her credit for. Many high school romances culminate in happy, successful marriages. 

In addition, the age of arranged marriages is fast disappearing. This concept has mostly vanished from everywhere in the world and presently exists in a few countries, including India. What this boils down to is that children will soon be finding matches for themselves, and if you as a parent discourage this from the outset, that only means more of a tension for you as you start calling up friends and relatives and requesting all and sundry to suggest a suitable boy or girl for your child. 

If you still feel that you would prefer if your daughter has an arranged marriage, then you should get her married as soon as she graduates. It is not fair on her to continue living life with the restrictions you have imposed for much longer. 
 

Career or Marriage?

This is a choice that should be left to your daughter. Every girl these days should be independent to the extent that if need be, she can rise to the occasion and contribute to the household expenditure. 

If you would like to encourage her in her career, remember, it would be far easier on her system if she is independent and makes her own decisions from a young age. Confused parenting - by parents who would like their daughter to study further and have a career of her own, but at the same time they impose numerous restrictions on her life inhibiting her independence - should be avoided at all costs. 
 

Love

Some parents actually believe that the stricter a parent is, the stronger their love for their children. Yes, there are parents who don't have time for their children, and consequently such children are hanging around all over the place. But this doesn't hold true for all children who go out for an occasional date or party. No one's disputing the fact that you love your kids. But you can also strike a happy balance by allowing them out every once in a while, and being there whenever they need you. Let her go for that party - as long as she comes back at a decent hour. Pick her up if you have to, and discuss the events of the evenng with her. Let her tell you how much fun she had. And when you see that glow of excitement in her eyes, the light of first love shining through, don't kill it. 

Teach your daughter right from wrong, and give her the freedom to make her own decisions. Trust her. She will grow up to be a well-rounded and responsible individual. 

As long as she keeps a happy balance between her home-work, grades and social life, you're doing a great job of parenting.

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40 Comments
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Vanessa.2 years ago
The idea that you should "get your daughter married" is horrible. Your daughter is an individual, and she is not your property. You are setting her up for an unhappy life by forcing her into a permanent relationship without her consent.
 
 
 
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.6 years ago
to the person called "anti-sex" and the anonymous kid that says people "act black and mean towards girls about sex" and shalini. i think yous need fuckin open your eyes im indian, im pregnant, and 18 years old. you got a problem with that? kiss my fuckin ass. you guys are just FOBS yea i know fucked up but yous dont let your kids have a life. if you think making them get married when their 17 is right then you just got a fucked up brain. and this asshole that said that people act black, your a racist ass person your no good your disgusting. my boyfriend...hes black do you got a problem wit that too? and the ignorant person that said "what will the indian community say?" well i honestly dont understand you people give a shit what your "indian community" will say. if thyre your real family then they wont care what your daughter does. just shows how fucked up your family is that they accept people the way they are. man you guys are a fuckin disgrace your all naive. girls are gonna party theyre gonna sneak out theyre gonna try drugs and smoke theyre gonne have sex believe it or not and theres nothing you can do about it.
 
 
 
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Prabha.7 years ago
very informative article!
 
 
 
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Anti sex.7 years ago
the creator of the universe is the wisest of all thats why he has said "get your children married at the age of seventeen otherwise their parents will have to face the sins thier children will commit".
 
 
 
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vinay.7 years ago
good article but kids should begiven freedom to a limit n that limit should be clearly understood by parent and as well as kid
 
 
 
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annnonoymous.7 years ago
peer pressure is awful and keep the values in check do to girls , so they can not get hurt. usa parties are dangerous and especially guys acting black and mean towards sex.
 
 
 
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a devoted mother.7 years ago
yes a very good and sensible practical article . if only it can be made available to all parents struggling to understand and do the right thing by their children/ esp. daughters. when i first saw the light of love in my daughter's, eyes i was very confused and all the questions came.... now that they are close friends and not so much in a romantic relationship i feel i amy have caused the light to go out. but she still loves him very deeply. i hope they get together again.. coz they care a lot for each other.so, other mothers ,i hope u will read this article and be caring and sensitive to your daugters first love.
 
 
 
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ABCD.7 years ago
wow, i am so surprised. have you ever even considered that your daughter has some sense and won't have sex? you haev brought her up with indian values. just because she has a boyfriend does not mean she will abandon it all and get pregnant. and since when is the usa the evil country? you immigrated here not only for the opportunities, but to become american. while you are indian, you live in america, your children are americans of indian descent. your relationship with them will suffer if you do not realize that they are americans and not indians who live in america.
 
 
 
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Shalini.7 years ago
my daughter is 17. god forbid i let her go out with the opposite sex. i do not want my girls to be pregnent. what will the indian community say? sali, chorail. i do not want this in my house. lock your daugthers up, that is the best way to go cuz they are horny (naughty).
 
 
 
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anonymous.7 years ago
i just want to say that as a teenager with overprotective parents,i think that some things do not work. no matter how much i tell my parents i need freedom and whatever else you said to try, they still dont listen. you should state all the possibilities because it is not fair to people like me who take your advise.
 
 
 
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