Your
daughter has just entered the age of puberty and has also started showing
signs of interest in the opposite sex. She also feels the need to spend
more time with her friends, go for movies, lunches, dinners and the occasional
party. You as a parent are worried. What should you do? Should you discourage
your child from such deviant thoughts and activities?
In Indian society, boys are usually
permitted to go out and have a nice time, while girls are expected to observe
certain rules, regulations and traditions. If you have a daughter past
the age of eleven, it is very likely that she has started becoming interested
in the opposite sex. You have a choice to encourage or discourage her.
Should you provide her with some freedom, or should you stick tight to
your morals, values and Indian culture? Here's why you should loosen up
as a parent, and send your daughter for the occasional movie and party.
Peer Pressure
"Everyone's doing it!" While this
may not be reason enough for you to let her hang out with the opposite
sex, it's unfair if she's the only one not being allowed to go for a party
or for a movie or for lunch with the boys. You may think it doesn't matter,
but it does. 'Fitting in' is of prime importance at this age - and if you
don't let her 'fit in' by sending her for harmless outings, she may try
to 'fit in' by indulging in not-so-harmless activities like smoking.
Healthier
Okay, everyone's not doing it. You're
living in a semi-conservative neighbourhood, and while the parents of some
girls are liberal, there are conservative parents like you who don't encourage
their girls to mix with the opposite sex. But remember, it's the girls
who are given the freedom who go to sleep happier, content individuals.
If you adopt a more tolerant and
understanding approach, your daughter will grow up with a healthier and
more mature attitude towards boys.
Marriages
The sole reason parents are strict
with their daughters, is because they feel she may bet a 'bad name' and
consequently they may not be able to get her married. It's time you realized
that your daughter is probably far more capable of finding a suitable match
for herself than you give her credit for. Many high school romances culminate
in happy, successful marriages.
In addition, the age of arranged
marriages is fast disappearing. This concept has mostly vanished from everywhere
in the world and presently exists in a few countries, including India.
What this boils down to is that children will soon be finding matches for
themselves, and if you as a parent discourage this from the outset, that
only means more of a tension for you as you start calling up friends and
relatives and requesting all and sundry to suggest a suitable boy or girl
for your child.
If you still feel that you would
prefer if your daughter has an arranged marriage, then you should get her
married as soon as she graduates. It is not fair on her to continue living
life with the restrictions you have imposed for much longer.
Career or Marriage?
This is a choice that should be left
to your daughter. Every girl these days should be independent to the extent
that if need be, she can rise to the occasion and contribute to the household
expenditure.
If you would like to encourage her
in her career, remember, it would be far easier on her system if she is
independent and makes her own decisions from a young age. Confused parenting
- by parents who would like their daughter to study further and have a
career of her own, but at the same time they impose numerous restrictions
on her life inhibiting her independence - should be avoided at all costs.
Love
Some parents actually believe that
the stricter a parent is, the stronger their love for their children. Yes,
there are parents who don't have time for their children, and consequently
such children are hanging around all over the place. But this doesn't hold
true for all children who go out for an occasional date or party. No one's
disputing the fact that you love your kids. But you can also strike a happy
balance by allowing them out every once in a while, and being there whenever
they need you. Let her go for that party - as long as she comes back at
a decent hour. Pick her up if you have to, and discuss the events of the
evenng with her. Let her tell you how much fun she had. And when you see
that glow of excitement in her eyes, the light of first love shining through,
don't kill it.
Teach your daughter right from wrong,
and give her the freedom to make her own decisions. Trust her. She will
grow up to be a well-rounded and responsible individual.
As long as she keeps a happy balance
between her home-work, grades and social life, you're doing a great job
of parenting.
Name:
faesaegdrs.adadgdrss
Country: India
to the person called "anti-sex" and the anonymous kid that says people "act black and mean towards girls about sex" and shalini. i think yous need fuckin open your eyes im indian, im pregnant, and 18 years old. you got a problem with that? kiss my fuckin ass. you guys are just FOBS yea i know fucked up but yous dont let your kids have a life. if you think making them get married when their 17 is right then you just got a fucked up brain. and this asshole that said that people act black, your a racist ass person your no good your disgusting. my boyfriend...hes black do you got a problem wit that too? and the ignorant person that said "what will the indian community say?" well i honestly dont understand you people give a shit what your "indian community" will say. if thyre your real family then they wont care what your daughter does. just shows how fucked up your family is that they accept people the way they are. man you guys are a fuckin disgrace your all naive. girls are gonna party theyre gonna sneak out theyre gonna try drugs and smoke theyre gonne have sex believe it or not and theres nothing you can do about it.
Name:
Prabha
Country: India
very informative article!
Name:
a devoted mother
Country: India
yes a very good and sensible practical article . if only it can be made available to all parents struggling to understand and do the right thing by their children/ esp. daughters. when i first saw the light of love in my daughter's, eyes i was very confused and all the questions came.... now that they are close friends and not so much in a romantic relationship i feel i amy have caused the light to go out. but she still loves him very deeply. i hope they get together again.. coz they care a lot for each other.so, other mothers ,i hope u will read this article and be caring and sensitive to your daugters first love.
Name:
Anti sex
Country: India
the creator of the universe is the wisest of all thats why he has said "get your children married at the age of seventeen otherwise their parents will have to face the sins thier children will commit".
Name:
vinay
Country: India
good article but kids should begiven freedom to a limit n that limit should be clearly understood by parent and as well as kid
Name:
annnonoymous
Country: USA
peer pressure is awful and keep the values in check do to girls , so they can not get hurt. usa parties are dangerous and especially guys acting black and mean towards sex.
Name:
ABCD
Country: USA
wow, i am so surprised. have you ever even considered that your daughter has some sense and won't have sex? you haev brought her up with indian values. just because she has a boyfriend does not mean she will abandon it all and get pregnant. and since when is the usa the evil country? you immigrated here not only for the opportunities, but to become american. while you are indian, you live in america, your children are americans of indian descent. your relationship with them will suffer if you do not realize that they are americans and not indians who live in america.
Name:
sam
Country: India
i so agree with the viewpoints of the autho, being a mother of two teenagers is in no ways easy on your heart , mind or wallet, but you sure enjoy the good times if tyou give them the liberty of being themselves, its amazing how sensible they can be. i say god bless the new generation x! a savvier and smarter lot they are! i have enjoyed every moment with my kids, the fights the arguments and most of all the hugs and laughter. wouldnt trade it for all the gold, to hell with old ideals and outdated concepts.i respect my kids way too much to let it come between us
Name:
anonymous
Country: Canada
i just want to say that as a teenager with overprotective parents,i think that some things do not work. no matter how much i tell my parents i need freedom and whatever else you said to try, they still dont listen. you should state all the possibilities because it is not fair to people like me who take your advise.
Name:
Shalini
Country: Japan
my daughter is 17. god forbid i let her go out with the opposite sex. i do not want my girls to be pregnent. what will the indian community say? sali, chorail. i do not want this in my house. lock your daugthers up, that is the best way to go cuz they are horny (naughty).
Name:
Mama
Country: Other
i think one should keep the comminications channels open.you really dont have achoice.can anyone tell me what the dating scene is in india. overseas esp in internatuional schools, kids are dating from standard 6, and the younger kids can seethe older kids being together... its like its encouraged by society here so what does aparent do?? i would love to know how it is in india thanks
Name:
Brian
Country: USA
i am 13 and a boy, parents should let their daughters go out with boys. my parents do (let me go with girls) and no one i know even has thought about sex. but they should let their daugheters go out i have heard things about other girls, like they are 'prude' because they wont go out with someone, also my girlfriends parents wont let her go on a date with me alone, and only because she doesnt want her kid kissing, and theres no point. your daughters will be totally anti social and will get made fun of. put yourselfs in their shoes.
Name:
sum1lush
Country: England
im 15 n i go 2 "house parties" n stuff, they r reli fun n r meant 4 socializing but wer i liv n prob everywhere else they r 4 gettin pisd wiv ure m8s n avin a gd time may b go wiv a few boys but nuffin serious(if so always take a johnny) haha so i think its alright n they cant do much damage cuz its in sum1's house but not all parties r like that cuz u can get poperly arranged ones with adults their etc which u dnt av 2 get pisd 2 av fun 4 so its all gd n mums...let us go
Name:
Kas
Country: Australia
i have overprotective parents and i think it is cruel to your child. i have never been to a party with guys there, im not allowed to watch most tv shows because they are not suitable. i have to go to an all girls school and i loathe my parents for it. they cant protective me forever and when im old enough im going to go out and do everything i missed out on doing while i was still their child. the artical is against what i think, girls have the right to decide things for themselves.
Name:
your boss
Country: India
hi every one.
salam alaikum
god created everything with value(s). how can a girl have no value? diamond has its own value. gold, pearls, etc have their own and their owner/shop keeper/business person knows the value and they jealously protect them and don't allow all to touch them. they even bring guards to keep an over them. parentsbrothers are guards of the girls in a family. if girls get in touch with boys and involve in such a manner which is forbidden by god, then god will not be hurt. your will be hurt if you have a heart and mind. if anything happens to her, it is you to suffer and your neighbours will laugh. but in a country like usa and some in europe, they don't care for their girls. to not to have a boy friend is a shame for most of them. so i can compare this situation to the plight of the women during second world war in germany when russians invaded germany and when the soldiers would drag out a girl to rape, then the girl would call out the names of other girls in the area so that the soldiers come to know about them and they are also metedout the same plight and so they will all be in the same category and no stigma and shame in front of others to suffer (so all underwent the same shameful plight and others can not point out and single out a girl in the given area).
we must preserve the dignity of woman. god gave eve in marriage to adam (peace be upon our foreparents).
we must not do what is happening in the western societies to our poor sisters.
they must get good husbands and not rubbish boy friend culture where a girl when she reaches 30 years or marries, she will have been tasted by several boy friends and there remains nothing for her true inheritor, her husband if that person is you, imagine what happens to you if you never tasted a girl in your life. but if you too are of the same band wagon, then no meaning in preaching and the values taught by prophets of god.
may god guide us all to islam.
go east go west islam is the best.
it is islam by which god created you in his pure nature. but your parents made you like one among them. so come back to islam if you want success and salvation.
guard yourself from cheated by foolish talks against islam by some people. after death, they will see the angels and the punishment. but none will be there to plead their case nor save them. why become a foolish for others faults?
Name:
thomas
Country: libya
i
Name:
a mom
Country: usa
when we were young we played and socialized with girls, that doesn't mean that we are not better persons. going out with guys wont make you better than us. my generation is smart and intelligent without mingling with guys. you will not be less smart and intelligent if you donot go out with boys.
Name:
Tia Maria
Country: usa
very informative and profound discussion. my husband and i and many, many families that we know do not allow our teenagers to go out just a boy and a girl. we require that they go in a large group. our children mostly are with other children from their churches, or schools, of whom most believe in having a relationship with god through his son jesus christ's sacrifice and resurrection. the children are not perfect all the time, but they seem to understand that jesus paid for their sins so that they don't have to, if they confess with their mouth that he is their lord, so they have gratitude and feel that jesus demonstrated his love and paid the ultimate price for them. so they choose to give themselves to jesus-they do not belong to themselves any longer. i think that they feel a purpose and a sense of identity. so to avoid potential situations of temptation or dishonor, they don't mind going out in groups, and to the homes of families that know each other. a lot of their association is through the church. it helps to create a moral community. a book that is very mature and full of vision is i kissed dating goodbye. it heightens romance and communicates love and beauty, while discouraging short term romance, and encouraging protecting your friendships with the opposite sex, so that you can guard your heart to receive the gift of a true soulmate and spouse that god has for you. i hope that this is helpful. may you all experience the greatest of riches that god has for you. love, tia maria
Name:
Aakanksha
Country: Canada
i wish all parents (especially mothers) could understand this !
Name:
this is me
Country: USA
parties...yeah!
parties for us teens is about socialzing and having fun. most people take it overboard- they don't know how to control their selfs. if you think your kids go to parties to have sex then you have the right to tell them no you can;t go to this party. b/c i meaa most freaks are out there--- horny, naughty etc etc
Name:
emma
Country: England
my parents are overprotective but they still give me the freedom to do what i want as long as i dont betray their trust they know i have a boyfriend who is older than me but they stay out of it because it will be them getting hurt not me so just let girls go out and do what they want within reason and they can have a boyfriend as long as he is their age and not an older man who is just using them for sex
Name:
A. persad
Country: Other
my mum won't let me go clubbing
Name:
mata
Country: india
i too was shocked after reading some of the comments on this page. dont be so narrow minded folks! your daughters are not stupid. they too want to play their cards right and be respected. so give them their freedom.
Name:
Amesha
Country: india
i truly can't believe what my eyes are reading! since when did we go back to prehistoric times with all these "caveman" ideals? first of all, i speak from experience when i say that keeping your daughters under your thumb is not the best way to protect them. i tried to "escape" by getting married at 17, it was more of a life sentence! i'm sorry that i gave my virginity to an undeserving, cold, selfish and abusive son of a jackal! i wish i would've had the opportunity to make my own decisions and live my life as an independant young woman before getting married. then come the children, who don't have any fault for their parents mistakes, yet also have to live with all the bitterness and resentment. it's up to us, the mothers, to break this cycle of ignorance, and once our daughters are mature enough, give them the opportunity to live their lives, while our own time has passed!
Name:
Object
Country: India
parents need to understand that by over protecting their child, it is just encouraging them to to do wrong because they are being bothered by their parents to always do right. and it makes them feel like the are being tortured.
