Verbal Abuse
Verbal abuse doesn't just include four letter words and other unmentionables.
Even words like stupid, idiot if said vindictively of course, could be
called verbal abuse. However, this could be tricky, because sometimes things
may be said in a light-hearted manner, and you should pay heed if this
is the case. But the bottom line is, if something your husband said offends
or hurts you, talk to him about it and let him know how you feel. If he
doesn't really care that you felt bad, or if he constantly taunts you,
yells at you in private and in public, makes fun of you in front of friends,
uses phrases like you have a low IQ, youre being verbally abused, and
should seriously consider ending the relationship. You DO deserve better,
and you DO deserve someone who will treat you well.
Physical Abuse
Walk out the minute he first strikes you. Don't even think about it.
Just pack your bags and head for your mother's or friend's house. If he
comes after you and apologises to you and to your parents if you are
with them, and if he swears never to hit you again, then, and then alone,
should you consider going back to him. If he lives up to that promise,
great. If not, it's time to pack your bags again never to return. Dont
ever overlook any form of physical abuse or before you know it, it will
spiral out of control. Nothing can ever, ever justify him hitting you.
The worst thing you can do is fall into a trap and believe you deserved
the thrashing you just got. No matter what you did no matter how vile
your action, he has no right to strike you.
Adultery
If his affairs don't really upset the scheme of things all that much,
and if he's fine if you have your own flings on the side, then you don't
have much of a marriage anyway. (So what are we saving here) But if he's
broken your trust and your heart don't stand for it. Dont walk out or
even confront him on a suspicion. It's not nice to know that youre not
trusted. But if you have reason to be sure he's been fooling around on
the side you got it...pack your bags.
Married to the Bum
You got married to this wonderful guy. Your parents were ecstatic, your
girlfriends were envious and you were over the moon. But two months into
the marriage he quits his job. And suddenly, the honeymoon is over. You
call all your friends, acquaintances you even call Daddy to try and get
him a job, but he turns down all offers. Nothing was good enough. He's
waiting for the Next Big Thing. And that's what he's going to do. Wait
for a long while. Are you going to wait with him, keeping his supper
and his bed warm while he lazes around all day Maybe for a while. Maybe
for a year, or two Or even three if you must. Give him a chance to get
settled. Everyone goes through their upsn and downs. But if he doesn't
seem to be interested in getting his life together, it's another story
totally. Unless you have an understanding that you work while he runs the
house. Or if he's got enough money - thanks to papa to last generations
without him having to lift a finger. Then you can overlook the fact that
he's jobless. But if youre working in the office and running back home
to cook and feed everybody while he just lounges around keeping the couch
warm, you've got a bad deal. If youre happy, great. If not, for heaven's
sake, walk out!
Remember, marriage is not always going to be a bed of roses, and you
shouldn't expect it to be so. Be prepared to make compromises, and you'll
be happier in the long run. But compromise doesn't mean that you be submissive
and let your life turn into a torture chamber, with marriage as the prison.
Have the strength to compromise, and if that doesn't help, have the strength
to walk out and lead life on your own terms.
For some women, the time to say Enough! never really comes. Even
if they are miserable, they continue with their present relationships and
lives, believing it to be their destiny. Shakespeare once said Our remedies
oft lie in ourselves. How often do we hear women blaming a bad marriage
on their kismet What will be, will be. Well, it's time to stop blaming
everything that goes wrong in your life on fate. It's time to stand up
and take responsibilities for your actions and for their repercussions.
So when is it justifiable to end the relationship
Is an extra-martial affair forgivable Well, yes. Once. You may never
be able to put the hurt and mistrust behind you, but if your marriage was
going well and it's worth saving give it a shot.