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Dial J for Jealous


-by Editor



Does the green-eyed monster rear its ugly head in your direction often. It happens to the best of couples. Jealousy is an emotion that is capable of destroying every ounce of intelligence in a person's mind - not to mention the destruction it can wreak upon a relationship. Face it, jealousy doesn't look good or feel good. But, with a bit of fresh perspective and insight, you too can calmly say, Oh, so that's your ex-girlfriend... without green fumes coming out of your ears.

Identify the source

The first step is to figure out what or who exactly is making you jealous. Your in-laws? An ex-girlfriend of your spouse? A sibling? A friend's success Be honest with yourself and you would be able to put a finger on exactly what it is about the other person that is making you feel this way. Did a particular incident happen or are you naturally inclined to be jealous´┐Ż

Insecurity

What do you base your relationship on If you feel your partner is with you because he finds you attractive,then you'll be insecure every time he's around someone more attractive than you are. Often, insecurity is brought upon us by ourselves. So take a good look at what you are doing in your relationship that keeps making you feel inadequate. When you are secure in yourself and your relationship,you have no reason to be jealous of anyone or anything in your partner's life. You have no reason to fear loss.

Communicate

It is important to discuss your feelings with your partner. Remember that genuine love involves sharing who you are,not how good you are. Love is acceptance,not a popularity contest.

A matter of trust

Do you trust your partner or friend or whoever it is you are possessive about? Think about it. If you don't trust the other person, is it because of something they said, or something concrete you know about them and their nature. If you genuinely believe your partner or friend is not trustworthy, then is it worth being in such a relationship.

An indication of love

Get this straight. Jealousy is a negative emotion. It is NOT healthy. It makes us feel out of control. It may be understandable in the early stages of a relationship when feelings of insecurity run deep. It may even be flattering at times, but if it spirals out of control it can get pretty damn ugly. Jealousy is not an emotion based on love, it is an emotion that's triggered more by my fears of not being loved. It's time you asked yourself what you're really afraid of and why.

Dangers

Jealousy eats up at us causing us to commit crimes. We lie, cheat, try to exclude certain people from our lives, bring them down in the eyes of others, because we are jealous. Crimes of jealousy are committed every day. We keep hearing stories of the jealous boyfriend who burnt his girlfriend's face with acid, or of the jealous wife who had her husband's secretary killed.

Heart

Jealousy leads to resentment. We justify feeling jealous and envious of what other people have. We build our lives around trying to better the object of our resentment. We use words like fairness and justice: It's not fair that Sahibaan is earning so much more than I am. It's not just. I deserve better because I'm a nicer person. We feel it's our right to fester such emotions, and we draw others into it. These unhealthy emotions ulcerate inside us, causing problems like stress, high blood pressure and heart problems. Why else do we see people fit as a fiddle drop down dead one fine morning with a heart attack?

Famous last words

As iron is eaten away by rust, so the jealous are consumed by their own passion. Truer words were never spoken.



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