SEEKING MARITAL COUNSELLING - by Editor
Before opting for divorce, try marital counselling. Here's how to select the right counsellor.
Even in the face of rising divorce rates, no couple includes the vow, And in 5 years we hope to divorce. Marriage is seen as a commitment for keeps. When distress abounds, couples are faced with a number of survival strategies. Depending on the issue, some couples will bind together to overcome adversity. Other couples may run in opposite direction, losing the benefit of mutual support and others will simply hunker down to ride out the storm. Interestingly, recent research suggests that of unhappy couples that do hunker down 2/3's become happy couples after a period of about five years.
For those that cannot hunker down or pull together, marital therapy is seen as strategy to get on track.
Marital therapy is more often provided by persons whose training is primarily in individual therapy as if to say all therapy is alike. This leaves consumers of marital therapy at a distinct disadvantage when looking for a therapist.
Very often the call for therapy comes from only one member of the marriage. The caller is often distressed and looking for help with the marriage. The caller may request to see the therapist alone first to deal with their intense feelings, or alternately they may conclude that their spouse will refuse to attend. A therapist trained in individual therapy will likely see the caller alone. A therapist trained in marital therapy will strongly recommend that the couple be seen together and will explain that beginning alone may increase the probability of a break-up and that the spouse would reasonably reject coming in later, concerned for a pre-established bias on the part of the therapist from having met first with the caller.
Other callers may concern themselves for neutrality on the part of the therapist. Indeed many styles of individual therapy do call for neutrality and intervention is based upon passive reflecting of client issues. Trained marital therapists however, are rarely neutral. A trained marital therapist should be biased in favour of the integrity of your marriage lest they become the catalyst for its demise. Similarly, a trained marital therapist should have a stated opinion on matters of violence or abuse or infidelity and see these as serious issues to be addressed within the context of the marriage.
Marital therapy is one of the most intense venues for displaying emotion. A trained marital therapist should be comfortable with emotional intensity and be able to manage and structure the meeting to provide for the safety of the couple. Marital therapists can be highly directive or prescriptive. Couples entering marital therapy should expect the therapist to be active in the process and provide clear direction to improve the marital relationship.
If you are experiencing marital distress, don't treat all therapists alike. Look for a marital therapist who has had specific training, is comfortable with emotional intensity and will offer clear direction to help resolve identified problems. Lastly, be sure the marital therapist will respect the integrity of your marriage and work towards resolving problems as opposed to falling prey to your conflict or questioning your commitment or desire to remain married.
If in the process you decide to end your marriage, it should be a matter of your decision, not the outcome of poor therapy. Poor therapy can hurt. Good therapy can help.
Feedback on article
Comments: Marriage is a relation which will last life long. We should know and respect the feeling of our spouse. If you know the feeling of eachother, then only the relationship will last long. We should not fight with eachother for small things, first find out the reason then only come to the conculsion......
Comments: Both should stay happily after marriage. if there is any problem couples alone try to solve it by telling the matter openly, if not possible then the couple's family should try to solve it. Both should try to move the life happily. I prefer the peaceful life. Divorce is better than quarelld life.
Name: Sanudhi Nagendra
Comments: Marriages are made in Heaven and for that quite opposite is Divorce are takin on Earth. This should be stop by each couple. Even if they quarell each other the whole day, atlease they should spend the time for discussions with mutual understandings. For every problem there is a solution. So, I request the all couples to think twice and thrice before taking the Divorce.
Comments: Most of the people believes that marriages are made in heaven. If it is made in heaven then how the one spouse is attracted with other women/man , it should not happen. most of the family life ending due to the extra marital affair which nobody can solve. most of the cases one spouse sacrifies due to childrens future. In this case whether the marriage counsilling is workableNULL
Comments: when i was happily married i counselled people on happy marriages .now i realize there is no such thing as an ideal marriage,an ideal relationship,an ideal man or a woman .it all depends on the basic art of dealing with a person who is sharing your bed,life ,child family,and things are not always rosy around you.sometime its your state of mind ,sometimes its his and sometomes its the people you are living with.
Comments: nothing is perfect in this world.the problems in marriage cropup when we start expecting from our partners. we should be detached when things don't happen the way we expect n things go rough.spirituality actually helps u deal better with problems in marriage.divorce is not the solution when kids involved n especially when the marriage was not an arranged but out of love in the first place.
Comments: Can someone on this forum help me with phone numbers for marriage counsellors in MumbaiNULL
Name: inner self
Comments: MARRIAGE..a legal word for a man and women relationsip.i have been married bfore,and now damn unsure what i want.i think all relationships r difficlt but whn it comes to yr partner we r so particular n pick n them for every move.cos we just want perfection.we want the ultimate.n if a person is not happy with him/herself no relationshp wud work.
Name: inner self
Comments: plz people wud love to have number of a GUD counsellor for relationshp therapy.
Comments: i think marriage is a life long committment and one should make sure that 2 people become one ..so they need to share their lives.despite being separate indiviual personality the bond of marriage binds us together...people marry for companionship.people only find difficult in marriage when they dont accept the realities of life.
Name: Naveen Reddy .K
Comments: hello people can anyone help me by providin the address of any marriage counsellors in hyderabad. atleast can anyone provide me any contact no of such counsellors in the city
Comments: Hi Navin,
If u find one good counsellor pls let me know.
Comments: can anyone suggest a good marital counseller in agartala or gauhati or kolkata
Name: pradeep agarwal
Comments: hi, if you find a goog and friendly marriage counselloes plase let me know.
Name: ami somaiya
Comments: i know of a friend who was considering breaking her year long engagement on the basis of her fiance suddenly telling her 1 month before their wedding that she might have to leave work. she was profusely angry and hurt and started reconsidering marriage plans. i asked her just 1 question, what would you have done if this had happened after marriage? she said i would have had to sort it out, or worst case scenario,leave work for sometime and see what alternative options i had. bingo! i said. the answer lies within, if we realise that walking out from the marriage is not an option at all (excluding any kind of physical violence or mental torture ofcourse, no human being has a right over the other in those terms), then we can direct all our energies to simply solve that particular issue at that moment of time with the optimum available cognitive, emotional, social & physical resources resources we have. we can then focus and direct all our efforts to solve the issue, cause saving the marriage is never an issue. why do you think we are still going strong with marriages in india?
Name: amita chawla
Comments: Can someone please give me the phone no or address of a good marriage counsellor.
Thanks in advance
Comments: Can someone give me the name and address of marriage therapistcounsellors in Jaipur.Please help
Comments: give me reference of the marriage counsellor in mumbai.
Comments: I need good marital counselling to save my marriage. Please give me names and addresses of counsellors in hyderabad.
Comments: my wife is very over possesive for me that' s why we quarrel for days together , she also not believe on yoga,walking etc for stress relieving, can you suggest any good counslellor for mumbai
Name: ami somaiya
Comments: u may mail me if u wish amita n pradeep
i am based in mumbai
ami somaiya counseling psychologist n lecturer sndt, matunga
Comments: hi can any 1 plz help me out by replying me how 2 judge a girl whether she really luvs u or not???
Comments: Thanks for this site!
Comments: can any one suggest a marraige counsellor in bangalore... please help. I m in deep distress!!!
Comments: Please suggest the best Marriage councillor in western suburbs of Mumbai
Comments: Yes. Marriage is for a lifetime. Both the partners need to understand and support each other and give enough space for emotional freedom. But what happens when it is one sided?And when one becomes the victim and the other the tyrant? What can the victim do to ease the situation? In India the woman(i am talking about women now in the age group of 40 and above)rarely approaches the court for divorce. Just bears it(not necessarily with a grin).With children already grown up, she cannot think of anything that might jeopardize the marriage. Any takers?
Comments: Can anyone provide the no. of a counsellor in Bangalore?
Comments: Pls suggest a lady marriage counsellor in Mumbai western suburbs.
Comments: Can some one help me with a good marriage councillor in western suburb in mumbai
Comments: If feel marriage is all about the passion and respect that u have for each other...n this is real hard to find cos down the years partners take each other for granted n the respect is all lost!!
City: Mumbai, India
Comments: I am looking for a premarriage counsellor. Can anybody tell me the names & details of good counsellors in Mumbai?
Name: Rajkumar Raheja
Comments: Can you provide information for marriage counsellor in Delhi?
Comments: Pls give me contact details of Ami somaiya urgently.
Name: tintu rajan
Comments: please suggest the best post marriage counsellor in bagalore,this is for my one of the friends.
Comments: Could you pls some one provide me marraige councillir in Hyderabad
Comments: Please immediately help me to save my life by giving the contact address of best marriage counsellors in KOLKATA
Name: m l narayan rao
Comments: i am a trained pre marital counsellor and would be glad to of help to the distressed.
Name: Amish Sheth
Comments: Caught you Ami...take care girl...
Name: Rajesh Singh
Comments: Every one gave advice but none gave the contact no or name of a counsellor how ridiculous
City: New Delhi
Comments: please suggest the best post marriage counsellor in New Delhi ,this is for my one of the friends.its very very urgent.pls help out
Comments: Anyone, can you pls recommend any good marraige counsellor in Mumbai.
Comments: please suggest the post marriage counsellor in New DelhiNOIDA
Comments: Could you please suggest the best pre marriage councellor (for someone who is hurt in relationships and does not want to get married at all) in Hyderabad... thanks!
Comments: Plz inform me the best post marriage counsellor in north delhi or delhi...its urgent.....i need to meet himher as soon as possible....i am in a fix...plz help....
Comments: seeking counselling for tension based headache .
Name: nidhi mangal
Comments: please suggest me some names and telephone numbers of good marriage counsellors on mumbai..pls help
Comments: please suggest the best post marriage counsellor in bangalore,
Comments: please suggest the best post marriage counsellor in bangalore,or any online counsellors
Comments: Please suggest the best marriage councillor in chennai.
I would like to counsel people, who have a disturbed marriage or have any problems in life. Please contact me.