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Does
your child know the
meaning
of sex abuse?
Did you know that one in three
girls in the world is sexually abused before reaching the age of eighteen,
and one in four before the age of fourteen? In the case of boys,
one in six is sexually abused before the age of sixteen. Quite shocking,
to say the least.
According to sociologist David
Finkelhor, who has conducted a massive study on child sexual abuse
in over 19 countries besides the United States and Canada, sex abuse percentages
in most countries are comparable with North American research figures.
The overall percentages range from 7% to 36% for girls and 3%
to 29% for boys. Most of these studies found females to be abused at
1.5
to 3 times more than boys. We can clearly see that sexual abuse is
an international problem and not restricted to just a few countries in
the world.
In fact, after countries like Philippines,
Sri Lanka and Thailand, countries like Nepal, India and Cambodia are facing
an increasing number of paedophiles. A research carried out by Sakshi,
a New Delhi-based non-governmental organization, says that 80% of Indian
girls and women, belonging to all social classes, experience sexual
abuse in their own families and friend circle. Majority of them prefer
to remain silent.
According to the State of Child
Rights in India, incidences of child abuse are definitely on the rise especially
since the nineties.
It is quite shocking to know that
- 66% sexual offenders
know their victims.
- 32% paedophiles have
abused their own children.
- 49% paedophiles are attracted
to unstable children.
WHAT EXACTLY IS
CHILD SEXUAL ABUSE?
Child sexual abuse is any sexual
contact between a child and another person (from fondling to rape) with
or without force. People who prefer sexual activity with a child are known
as 'paedophiles'.
It is important to remember that
such offenders are completely 'responsible' and guilty in the abuse, even
if they have taken the consent of the minor child. The consent of a child
is not considered to be any consent at all.
It is imperative to note that family
members or close neighbours or frustrated fellow mates can manipulate children.
Little wonder that one out of every six abusers is a child. They can be
homosexual or even heterosexual. Paedophiles are usually male and could
come from almost any socio-economic background.
HOW TO PREPARE
YOUR CHILD
-
Never scare a child about sexual
abuse. Panic will beget panic. Your child may get overcautious about
people. This will also affect the child's everyday vigour and spontaneity,
which is the ultimate source of joy in a parent's life. But of course,
it is always better to be safe than sorry. Therefore, teach him or her
the ground rules without injecting fear.
-
Teach your children the names of
the different parts of the body. Take this step further by specifying
the private parts. Tell the child that these parts should not be touched
by anyone, not even close friends.
-
Your behaviour with your spouse can
be a role model for the children. Therefore, until your children understand
the importance of a healthy sexual relationship, do not display overt affection
to your partner in front of the children. If the children ever touch your
private parts, which most children playfully do in their very early years,
be firm and tell them not to ever repeat it. A correct message should be
conveyed with regard to the private parts.
-
Tell them that they should immediately
report to you if anyone (even if the person is a very close relative)
tries to touch them in any odd place, especially if that person specifically
asks them not to tell the parents.
-
Teach them not to talk to or to take
anything from strangers, certainly not to give out their name, address
and telephone number to anyone. But do emphasize the importance of being
polite without divulging extra information.
-
Be a good listener. Your children
must be sure of a patient hearing without any embarrassing remarks. Make
sure that you share a completely open and friendly relationship with your
children. Devote some time everyday to listening to your children's experiences
in school and after-school hours.
-
Encourage your children to invite
friends at home. Watch them discreetly from a distance so that you
are aware of their peer group. If you sense something unhealthy, bring
it to their notice. For instance, if a your daughter is visibly falling
on her boyfriend at a party, take her aside later and just tell her that
such things never go unnoticed. However, do not make a big issue out of
it.
-
Last but not the least; be vigilant
for any signs of sexual abuse. Sudden shifts in temperament, mood withdrawals,
nightmares, bedwetting, bruising or swelling of genitals, fear of a certain
individual, loss of interest in academic and social activities are all
good indicators of sexual abuse.
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