Look After Us

Can you depend on your family? This very valid question is put forth to us often by the movies like Baghban (Gardener). When parents spend their entire lives, and lifes savings, on their children, and children turn their back on these parents, where are the parents to turn? Parents are left embittered, and feel a deep sense of loss and sadness. They spend their last days shedding tears over a wasted life. This is not the way things are supposed to end. Who is at fault? Is it the upbringing of parents? Is it an intrinsic selfishness in the children? Is it the environment? Or are the spouses to blame? Perhaps, in certain measures, everyone is to blame, but mostly the parents who gave of themselves selflessly and are ultimately left with no where to turn, find the fault within themselves. In this articleDont let go of your houseLive close to your children, not with themSave up for yourselfDont let go of your house "Everything that is mine, is yours." This is possibly one of the most damaging statements a parent can make to their child. While it is an understood fact that when a child is growing up he is dependent on his parents, this dependence has to end. A person cannot live off his parents forever, and it is up to the parents to drive this fact home. While a child is growing up, his parents house is his house, but when he is an adult and gets a job for himself, instead of discouraging him from moving out, parents should encourage him to go outside and make a place for himself in the world. When parents live in the same house along with sons, daughters-in-law and grandchildren, rarely do the family members live happily. Squabbling is common, and petty fights take place almost everyday. At times the joint family system does work, but more often than not, it doesnt. The saddest part is when children wait for parents to leave this world, so they can lay claim on the property. If children were already set in their own homes and were independent, they wouldnt be itching to lay their hands on their parents property. Live close to your children, not with them Most parents would like to live with their children, as children can be a great help once parents grow old. It would however be better if parents lived close to their children, instead of in the same house, so children are a phone call away and can come to your aid whenever you need them. If your children love you, they will come running to you even if they are miles away, if they dont, they wont come to your aid even from the next room. Save up for yourself One of the worst things a parent can do is to spend their entire lifes savings on their children, and then expect the children to look after them for the rest of their lives. While this would be great in an ideal world, we are not living in one, and parents are only setting themselves up for disappointment. Keep money aside for your children, provide for them when they are growing up, and buy them the best education you can afford without selling yourself out. If your child wants to go abroad to study and you can afford the hefty tuition, great. But if not, let him work hard, do well in his exams and get a scholarship. If he doesnt manage to do that, he can try again next year or stay back. Dont mortgage your house or your car to pay his way. Start putting some money aside for your child through a plan or by way of insurance, so when your child comes of age, he has a fat sum to help him get started in his life. After this, you should consider your pecuniary responsibility over. Even if you are worth millions of rupees, dont spoil your child by giving him unlimited access. The money that you have accumulated by working hard throughout your life is for you and your spouse. It is a security for your old age, and you should never let it go. Never think you cannot live alone, and that you should sell off all your property, hand the money to your children and then live with them. Instead, keep your own place, and buy the best medical/health insurance money can buy. Keep a few reliable servants, keep your car, and keep a faithful driver. Treat your help well from now, and they may stick with you longer than your children do! Thankfully not all children turn their back on their parents, and they love and care for their parents their entire lives. But it is best for a parent to be independent, whatever their age, and for as long as possible.

Can you depend on your family? This very valid question is put forth to us often by the movies like Baghban (Gardener).

When parents spend their entire lives, and life's savings, on their children, and children turn their back on these parents, where are the parents to turn? Parents are left embittered, and feel a deep sense of loss and sadness. They spend their last days shedding tears over a wasted life. This is not the way things are supposed to end.

Who is at fault? Is it the upbringing of parents? Is it an intrinsic selfishness in the children? Is it the environment? Or are the spouses to blame?

Perhaps, in certain measures, everyone is to blame, but mostly the parents who gave of themselves selflessly and are ultimately left with no where to turn, find the fault within themselves.

Don't let go of your house

"Everything that is mine, is yours." This is possibly one of the most damaging statements a parent can make to their child. While it is an understood fact that when a child is growing up he is dependent on his parents, this dependence has to end. A person cannot live off his parents forever, and it is up to the parents to drive this fact home. While a child is growing up, his parent's house is his house, but when he is an adult and gets a job for himself, instead of discouraging him from moving out, parents should encourage him to go outside and make a place for himself in the world. When parents live in the same house along with sons, daughters-in-law and grandchildren, rarely do the family members live happily. Squabbling is common, and petty fights take place almost everyday. At times the joint family system does work, but more often than not, it doesn't.

The saddest part is when children wait for parents to leave this world, so they can lay claim on the property. If children were already set in their own homes and were independent, they wouldn't be itching to lay their hands on their parent's property.

Live close to your children, not with them

Most parents would like to live with their children, as children can be a great help once parents grow old. It would however be better if parents lived close to their children, instead of in the same house, so children are a phone call away and can come to your aid whenever you need them. If your children love you, they will come running to you even if they are miles away, if they don't, they won't come to your aid even from the next room.

Save up for yourself

One of the worst things a parent can do is to spend their entire life's savings on their children, and then expect the children to look after them for the rest of their lives. While this would be great in an ideal world, we are not living in one, and parents are only setting themselves up for disappointment.

Keep money aside for your children, provide for them when they are growing up, and buy them the best education you can afford without selling yourself out. If your child wants to go abroad to study and you can afford the hefty tuition, great. But if not, let him work hard, do well in his exams and get a scholarship. If he doesn't manage to do that, he can try again next year or stay back. Don't mortgage your house or your car to pay his way.

Start putting some money aside for your child through a plan or by way of insurance, so when your child comes of age, he has a fat sum to help him get started in his life. After this, you should consider your pecuniary responsibility over. Even if you are worth millions of rupees, don't spoil your child by giving him unlimited access.

The money that you have accumulated by working hard throughout your life is for you and your spouse. It is a security for your old age, and you should never let it go. Never think you cannot live alone, and that you should sell off all your property, hand the money to your children and then live with them. Instead, keep your own place, and buy the best medical/health insurance money can buy. Keep a few reliable servants, keep your car, and keep a faithful driver. Treat your help well from now, and they may stick with you longer than your children do!

Thankfully not all children turn their back on their parents, and they love and care for their parents their entire lives. But it is best for a parent to be independent, whatever their age, and for as long as possible.