A mother creates the child; she bears it for nine months. The bond between mother and child develops before birth. Ostensibly, she is the better parent. So is it my fault? I am prepared to be pregnant, if only to save my wife the suffering that is mentally, if not physically, as tortuous for the father. But, say as much as I may, the wife says I am saying this because it is not possible for me to do what I have offered myself for. Call it the absence of pre-natal bonding, but I found that coming to terms with my baby took me more time than it did my wife. She seemed to trapeze with practiced ease the rounds of nappy changing, potty washing, bathing and more, while I still havent managed bathing my daughter though she is a year and a half old now. I call my gawkiness a genetic aberration; my wife calls it a lack of commitment. She is working, so am I, so we spend as much time with our baby. There is no unfair advantage of more quality time with her, except before birth. I have tried to think up as many explanations to my incompetence vis-a-vis my wife, try as much as I may. There is one more explanation, apart from the pre-natal one. Dont mistake me as chauvinistic, but I think I could be a better dad if my baby were a boy. I know as I was a boy once, what a boy wants, see the world through his eyes, a world defined by me in a way that a guy sees it --- of playing sports, watching porn, chasing girls, cycling, swimming and climbing hills. I have never seen the world through the eyes of a girl, although there were several girls I loved, but never loved them enough to see things the way they saw it, until my baby came. I ask will she play golf, read Ludlum and listen to hard rock? My wife never does, but could I or should I teach my daughter to do the things I like to do? Although I admire my role models, do I now need to study female role models? Who would I like my daughter to emulate? I am sure she will go her own way and define her own rules. It is my duty now to see from my babys eyes and define and study closely the world of women leaders --- of Thatcher, Rowling, Sarandon and the standards they set. My wife drowned out the arguments. "Philosophy is okay, but cannot take away from the immediate reality of changing nappies, feeding from the bottle and doing it well," she said, and was right. I tried hard and without being immodest, I must say that I was reasonably okay by my standards, though not as fine as my wife. She heard the baby cry in the middle of the night before I did, and do. She is up and away from bed much before I am, or to make matters worse I was frequently even slower than my mom-in-law in the next room. I am good at several things, playing golf for one. But, couldnt figure out why my wife was better at this. Golf is a languorous sport; parenting is not. I went through another period of introspection and arrived at another answer. I like to delegate, provided the work is done well. I want the best for my daughter, and there is no one better qualified to look after her than my wife. So I have delegated and am happy about it. I discovered this when my wife was away on a business tour. I was good, better than ever, never gentler. I think my mother-in-law sensed it, but has kept it to herself as in her eyes only her daughter is number one, which is fair enough, as long as mother-in-law is not number two. But the tragedy is, my wife will never know my real prowess, as whenever she is around I delegate. This could be genetic. (I wish I had not read so many management books.) I have decided I will never beat my wife, but should at least better my mom-in-law. She is good, I am better, but my wife is the best. And thats the way it remains.
A mother creates the child; she bears it for nine months. The bond between mother and child develops before birth. Ostensibly, she is the better parent.
So is it my fault?
I am prepared to be pregnant, if only to save my wife the suffering that is mentally, if not physically, as tortuous for the father.
But, say as much as I may, the wife says I am saying this because it is not possible for me to do what I have offered myself for.
Call it the absence of pre-natal bonding, but I found that coming to terms with my baby took me more time than it did my wife.
She seemed to trapeze with practiced ease the rounds of nappy changing, potty washing, bathing and more, while I still haven't managed bathing my daughter though she is a year and a half old now.
I call my gawkiness a genetic aberration; my wife calls it a lack of commitment.
She is working, so am I, so we spend as much time with our baby. There is no unfair advantage of more quality time with her, except before birth.
I have tried to think up as many explanations to my incompetence vis-a-vis my wife, try as much as I may.
There is one more explanation, apart from the pre-natal one. Don't mistake me as chauvinistic, but I think I could be a better dad if my baby were a boy.
I know as I was a boy once, what a boy wants, see the world through his eyes, a world defined by me in a way that a guy sees it --- of playing sports, watching porn, chasing girls, cycling, swimming and climbing hills. I have never seen the world through the eyes of a girl, although there were several girls I loved, but never loved them enough to see things the way they saw it, until my baby came.
I ask will she play golf, read Ludlum and listen to hard rock?
My wife never does, but could I or should I teach my daughter to do the things I like to do?
Although I admire my role models, do I now need to study female role models? Who would I like my daughter to emulate?
I am sure she will go her own way and define her own rules.
It is my duty now to see from my baby's eyes and define and study closely the world of women leaders --- of Thatcher, Rowling, Sarandon and the standards they set.
My wife drowned out the arguments.
"Philosophy is okay, but cannot take away from the immediate reality of changing nappies, feeding from the bottle and doing it well," she said, and was right.
I tried hard and without being immodest, I must say that I was reasonably okay by my standards, though not as fine as my wife.
She heard the baby cry in the middle of the night before I did, and do. She is up and away from bed much before I am, or to make matters worse I was frequently even slower than my mom-in-law in the next room.
I am good at several things, playing golf for one. But, couldn't figure out why my wife was better at this. Golf is a languorous sport; parenting is not.
I went through another period of introspection and arrived at another answer.
I like to delegate, provided the work is done well.
I want the best for my daughter, and there is no one better qualified to look after her than my wife. So I have delegated and am happy about it. I discovered this when my wife was away on a business tour. I was good, better than ever, never gentler.
I think my mother-in-law sensed it, but has kept it to herself as in her eyes only her daughter is number one, which is fair enough, as long as mother-in-law is not number two.
But the tragedy is, my wife will never know my real prowess, as whenever she is around I delegate. This could be genetic. (I wish I had not read so many management books.)
I have decided I will never beat my wife, but should at least better my mom-in-law.
She is good, I am better, but my wife is the best.
And that's the way it remains.