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Raising Children Topics..

 
You are here : home > Raising Children > Parental Dilemmas > 5-Point-System Criticism

5-Point-System Criticism

Children get angry at criticism. They take it as a parsonal attack. Children must be treated with respect and they should be taught to accept the criticism with a positive frame of mind. Critism can be constructive if the message is conveyed in a right way.

Children don't take easily to criticism. Very often they turn defensive, angry and start sulking. This in turn angers you further, causing you to yell at them and insist that they "better learn to accept criticism, or else. "

Here are five points you should keep in mind when criticizing your child, so it leads to constructive and not destructive criticism. 
 

Be Specific

If your child has behaved in an irresponsible manner, for example, if he has not passed on an urgent message to you, don't get started about how he has to start learning how to be responsible. Save the lecture. This time, just sit him down and tell him that because he didn't pass on the message, no one reached the airport on time to pick up grandma, and she had to come home all alone in a taxi, pay a lot of money and pick up all her bags herself. Poor grandma! First, concentrate on the particular situation at hand. Don't launch into an immediate personality attack. 
 

Come Up With a Solution

But instead of coming up with a solution yourself, let it come from your child. Now that your child knows what he did was wrong, ask him to come up with a solution so this doesn't happen again. In the example given above, the solution is simple. A nice message board with a bright felt pen attached should do the trick. Let the suggestion come from him. Ask your child if he will forget to write messages down once you've given him such a nice board. Better still, take him with you and let him choose a board himself. This will make him feel more involved. 
 

Suitable Time

When criticizing, sit down and have a heart to heart with your child. This will take some time, so choose a time which is suitable. Don't interrupt him when he's watching his favourite television show. Speak to him when he's free and in a reasonably cheery mood. 
 

Discuss

Make sure your child understands what you are trying to tell him. Ask him to repeat what you just said, and ask him if he agrees with you. Take his opinion every step of the way. Let it be an open discussion that you are having with your child. Make sure your child is not taking it as a personal attack. Sentences like 'You always mess up! When will you learn!' should be avoided at all costs. 
 

Draw The Attention to Yourself

Instead of saying, 'Why didn't you call and say you would be late,' try saying, 'I was worried because I didn't know where you were, and if you were alright.' Remember, when you are criticizing your child, and if you want him to learn from a certain experience, it is imperative you talk WITH him, and not TO him. 
 

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6 Comments
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Kishore chandra.4 years ago
very good article.....well written and well researched. I like to follow all the points mentioned to raise a healthy and well behaved child.
 
 
 
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Anupam Dubey.4 years ago
This was a wonderful article i have a friend who yells and screams at her children and i have wondered how to approach her without offending her this it is this article will help her....
 
 
 
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Argho Nandy.4 years ago
very true.. raising children requires a lot of patience. we lose our temper so often
 
 
 
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Discussion Forum - Recent Posts
Children don't take easily to criticism. Very often they turn defensive, angry and start sulking. This in turn angers you further, causing you to yell at them and insist that they "better learn to accept criticism, or else. " Keep these 5 oints in mind so that it leads to constructive and not destructive criticism. Be Specific: Dont start with a big lecture. Juts tell him what should be done. Solution: If your child knows that he is wrong, let him only come up with the solution. Suitable Time: Speak to him when he is free and a reasonabl cheery mood and not when he is watching his favourite serial. Discuss: Have an open discussion with your child. Let him also speak up in this discussion. Draw The Attention to Yourself: Instead of saying, 'Why didn't you call and say you would be late,' try saying, 'I was worried because I didn't know where you were, and if you were alright.' When you shout at your child, does it lead to constructive or destructive criticism? Share with us!
Foram A Desai
yeah even a kid of 3 has ego, and when he/she fails in doing a task ,they know that they have made a mistake. If we start lectureing them or scolding them, instead of they realising the mistake.
Ou...
savita
very true.. raising children requires a lot of patience. we lose our temper so often, shout at time like our parents shouted at us. no wonder so many of us have personality problems and are insecure.....
Autumn
This was a wonderful article i have a friend who yells and screams at her children and i have wondered how to approach her without affendeing her this it is this article will help her....
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