In the course of a typical tantrum, a child will cry, scream, and swing their arms and legs. In more severe cases, a child may hold their breath, kick, pinch and show aggressive behaviour. Violent tantrums like these in which the child harms himself and others, could be a sign of a more serious problem. But even tantrums which are violent are not necessarily a sign of something negative. Tantrums are common in both boys and girls. Tantrums must be dealt with properly at a young age itself or it may become a habit later on.

Causes of Temper Tantrums

Tantrums are thrown at times because the children are hungry, tired or simply because they want to gain attention. Children throw tantrums as a way of expressing their frustration when they do not get what they desire (for example an object or a parent). Children may also throw tantrums as response to a frustrating situation like when an older sibling takes the child’s toy away. Adults know suitable ways to deal with anger and frustration when they are irritated. Unlike adults, children do not have the maturity and control. 

As children grow older, their tantrums also decrease. As their language skills develop and their ability to communicate needs becomes better, you will see fewer and fewer tantrums. If tantrums are not dealt with properly, children may continue the habit as a way to manipulate people and get what they want. When toddlers realize that the tantrums can get them more attention, they decide to throw them more.

What Parents Should Not Do

Do not punish the child. Dealing with the tantrum by spanking the child or yelling can make the tantrum worse in the short term and extend the behaviour in the long term.

If you are in public, and your child throws a tantrum do not over react with rage. Do not cave in to the child’s demands just because you want to get over with it as fast as possible and avoid the embarrassment in public. Do not let the disapproving looks of others affect your response to a tantrum.

What a Parent Should Do

Do not give in to their demands if they throw a tantrum as this could cause the problem to become worse. Stay calm and composed. Ignore the child’s behaviour as much as possible till the tantrum ends. Do not reason with your child during the tantrum as this teaches them that their tantrum is getting them attention. If your child throws a tantrum in a public place, then there are ways to handle it. Take your child to an isolated place if possible. Wait till the tantrum subsides without reacting to it. Put them in the car or anywhere else and wait or stand there till the tantrum stops. Tell them that he or she can get up once this attitude has stopped. However, do not give severe punishments which can cause harm to your child.

Teach your children the alternative to the problem. Tell them that the behaviour is not appropriate. Toddlers understand much more than they are able to express. Teach them that the next time they are angry, this is not the way to react. Tell your child to verbally express their anger by saying ‘I am angry’, rather than throwing a tantrum.

Teach your child that under no circumstances is such behaviour acceptable. Tell your the child that the result of his or her act is ‘No toffee for two days’, ‘No TV for two days.’ or ‘No football for two days.’ Stick to these commitments however hard it may be. If you do not stick to your word, the child will begin to take these lightly and can continue to throw tantrums in the future.

When to Call a Doctor

It is a good idea to get professional help if the tantrums are causing the child to hurt themselves and others and persist often even after the age of four. When the frequency of the tantrums is increasing and your child is getting destructive and violent you should speak to a doctor.