Playing Hitler

Some children seem to born thinking that the rest of the world must jump when they snap their fingers. Bossiness is a trait that can be carried off successfully by very few adults, but in children it is intolerable. When your three-year-old starts firing orders at you and at other children, there is no doubt that it can be quite amusing. However, you will find that the charm soon goes out of this and that your initial amusement may have served to encourage this distasteful habit. 
 

Bossy children are unpopular

As your child grows older, he will find that bossiness does not help in winning friends and influencing people. Bossiness can be a real turn off and could result in people either ignoring him or avoiding him altogether. Another disturbing off-shoot of bossy behaviour is that it could develop into bullying. Realizing that being bossy is one way of attracting attention, even if it is negative, your child may escalate the bossiness into bullying. Bossy children find that other children do not react well to taking orders and so rarely develop long-lasting friendships. Their dictatorial behaviour makes them run through friends as often as people change their socks. This can leave him feeling lonely and misunderstood. 

However, having a bossy child is not the end of the world. Bossiness is often a reflection of a strong-willed personality. A strong will can be an asset if channelized properly. If you teach your child to communicate well and develop emotional control, his bossiness can be transformed into assertiveness and good leadership skills.

Tips for dealing with bossy children 

• If your child acts bossy with you, a friend or another adult, do not react in any way that can be construed as encouragement. Do not laugh or make fun of him. At the same time, do not give him negative attention by scolding or lecturing him. Stay calm and tell him to repeat his request in a polite manner.
• Do not do anything for your child if he orders you. He has to understand that he is nobody's boss, especially not yours. 
• Supervise his social activities by joining a small play group with a few other children and their parents. 
• If he shares his toys and is courteous, compliment him on his good behaviour.
• If he displays bossiness, point this out by whispering in his ear. Do not make an issue of it in front of the other children.
• If he shows no sign of relenting in spite of your admonition, take him aside and tell him that you will take him home if he does not behave properly.
• Play non-competitive games at home and encourage him to take part in team sports.
• If your child is left out by other children, do not be too sympathetic as in all likelihood his bossy behaviour is the culprit. Instead, try to help him see what aspect of his behaviour could have put them off.
• However, it is important that you think and act positively with your child so that he doesn't feel that he is the 'bad guy' all the time. Teach yourself and him to express his strong will in a way that can be perceived as persistence and assertiveness rather than bossiness. 
• Keep the lines of communication open and talk to your child often so that you can identify what triggers the bossy behaviour.