'Bad Words'

Does your child use bad words? He may be influenced by others, or is being a bad influence on others. Here's how to get him to stop.

Children don't always understand the meaning of abusive words. Although they realize that the words may be derogatory, they cannot relate to how 'bad' a word may be and if it is worse than abusive words like stupid or idiot. One way they can gauge this is by your reaction. If you ignore him when he uses a bad word, he may think it is okay. If your reaction is moderate, he may enjoy the attention, especially if he is very little, and may say it again and again. Coping with this can thus be a little tricky.

Reacting with amusement

3-year-old Pratham was very fond of saying the word "Potty." He heard a friend say it at school, and when he said it at home the word evoked an instant reaction of amusement. His mother was trying to teach him a few spellings, when he said out loud "I can spell potty, p.o.t.t.y!" It seemed so funny at the time, his mother burst out laughing. And from then on, Pratham kept shouting out the word to everyone, and they all had similar amused reactions. They would then tell him not to say it, but naturally he wasn't going to give up the attention. Pretty soon his parents realized the best way out was to ignore him when he uses it. Before long, Pratham got bored and stopped using the word.

Having a stern talk

One effective way to get younger children out of saying abusive words is to ignore them. However, if the word is very abusive and you certainly don't want your child to say it again, then you should consider having a stern talk with him.

When talking to your child, make sure he is looking at you. You don't have to be very angry, simply be firm. If you lose your temper, your child will again tend to get rebellious. Make eye contact and tell your child firmly that he should never use the word again. Ask him if he has understood what you have said, and tell him to repeat your instructions. Let him know that you are serious, and tell him that when he uses a word like that, it reflects badly on you. Not many children will like that.

Using physical force sparingly

For older children, you could be still firmer. Mamata had never laid a hand on her children. Then one day she heard her 9-year-old son shout out a strong abusive word to his younger brother. Mamata went and slapped him across his face (not very hard though) saying that she never, ever wants to hear him use the word again. Needless to say, her son was stunned, and Mamata never heard him use that abusive word again.

There is something to be said for abstaining from hitting your child. If you generally never hit your child and one day you smack him, he realizes that he must have done something terrible indeed. But if hitting him becomes a regular punishment, it ceases to be effective and becomes more of a bullying tactic. Your child's self esteem will suffer, and he will tend to grow rebellious and aggressive. Spanking will soon start seeming to be a natural form of punishment to your child and will cease to have the effective power you would like it to.