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Thread: confused

  1. #1

    confused

    hi,

    I am married for 6 years and was living with in laws and divorced SIL for 5 + years in mumbai. As usual my MIL and FIL did not give me any respect in any of the chores of house nor when some one visited. for all functions i was never told beforehand and only just one day before. for diwali etc also i was never involved inspite of me asking twice. Later i gave up. My son was born after 3 years and then life was mess. they accused me that i am not letting them play with my son when in fact they were taking care 9 hrs a day when i was in office. there were many blame games and they accused me of disrepecting them and talking harshly etc. it went to extent that its been 5 times atleast i have told to get out of that home. the home is in my husband and MIL name. even the SIL had asked me to leave and go to parents place. my parents and uncle was called to take me as well.

    later husband and me patched up and decided on coming to pune. he took new job but blamed me for making him apart from his parents.he even has insulted me to core in front of my in laws and hit me .but later apology and i accepted for my son.

    in pune in new office he came close to a collgeue and i had warned him many times of their friendship. however he did not budge and last month i saw some whatsapp messages fom that girl on how close they got like taking hand in hand. trying to kiss on cheek etc.husband was ashamed and regrets that as per him.later i asked him for security in terms of name in our mumbai home as many instances all have asked me to get out of house. he says it was never meant literally etc etc and is not ready to add name nor to sell that home and buy 2 new one for us and one for MIL/FIL.

    FIL ha come to pune to make husband understand but when i told him of security thing he just started asking me questions like what was our relation etc etc and indirectly blaming me for his son going near another woman. i could not take it any furthur and left for my parents home as it was vacation for my 3 year old.
    they came to parents home but accused me and my parents of my behaviour on past issues etc. we had huge fight and in middle i said i wont live with your parents for sure. he said he is leaving and I did not stop him.later he kept calling for 7 days asking me to come or to talk to son.

    i came pune home at end of my son's vacation but now have decided the following :
    ) for my husband's cheating. i am going to forgive and give a chance for my son and me because somewhere i still have feelings for him. although it may take months/years to have normal relation with him


    2) for security issue of adding my name on flat., i had told my FIL and husband that if not given i will take necessary steps. never had i told will give divorce.
    so my stand will be i will not go in the mumbai home as its not mine. and i will never stay with them as husband will never add the name in that old home.
    these entire 20 days i was in mumbai but did not go to in laws place inspite of husband asking me.


    this pune rental home is in both names so no question of me not staying here.
    also after some months if things become normal will buy home in my name in pune and stay here .


    3) my FIL insulted me blaming me for husband;s cheating and accused me and my parents and hence i dont feel like attending any home function or have relation with ILs . I have SIL wedding and naming ceremony of other SIL's daugther in Jan end . In normal cirumstance also i would just be a spectator as they would not tell me any details but now after this insult i dont want any relation with ILs especially FIL. husband can take my son to wedding and himself attend as he does not understand my pain. no issues with that but i wont be able to attend
    also even if FIL comes to my home in Pune,. i wont talk nor cook for him.


    let me know if anything is wrong in my thinking.

    ) for my husband's cheating. i am going to forgive and give a chance for my son and me because somewhere i still have feelings for him. although it may take months/years to have normal relation with him


    2) for security issue of adding my name on flat., i had told my FIL and husband that if not given i will take necessary steps. never had i told will give divorce.
    so my stand will be i will not go in the mumbai home as its not mine. and i will never stay with them as husband will never add the name in that old home.
    these entire 20 days i was in mumbai but did not go to in laws place inspite of husband asking me.


    this pune rental home is in both names so no question of me not staying here.
    also after some months if things become normal will buy home in my name in pune and stay here .


    3) my FIL insulted me blaming me for husband;s cheating and accused me and my parents and hence i dont feel like attending any home function or have relation with ILs . I have SIL wedding and naming ceremony of other SIL's daugther in Jan end . In normal cirumstance also i would just be a spectator as they would not tell me any details but now after this insult i dont want any relation with ILs especially FIL. husband can take my son to wedding and himself attend as he does not understand my pain. no issues with that but i wont be able to attend
    also even if FIL comes to my home in Pune,. i wont talk nor cook for him.


    let me know if anything is wrong in my thinking.

    1) for my husband's cheating. i am going to forgive and give a chance for my son and me because somewhere i still have feelings for him. although it may take months/years to have normal relation with him


    2) for security issue of adding my name on flat., i had told my FIL and husband that if not given i will take necessary steps. never had i told will give divorce.
    so my stand will be i will not go in the mumbai home as its not mine. and i will never stay with them as husband will never add the name in that old home.
    these entire 20 days i was in mumbai but did not go to in laws place inspite of husband asking me.
    this pune rental home is in both names so no question of me not staying here.
    also after some months if things become normal will buy home in my name in pune and stay here .


    3) my FIL insulted me blaming me for husband;s cheating and accused me and my parents and hence i dont feel like attending any home function or have relation with ILs . I have SIL wedding and naming ceremony of other SIL's daugther in Jan end . In normal cirumstance also i would just be a spectator as they would not tell me any details but now after this insult i dont want any relation with ILs especially FIL. husband can take my son to wedding and himself attend as he does not understand my pain. no issues with that but i wont be able to attend
    also even if FIL comes to my home in Pune,. i wont talk nor cook for him.


    let me know if anything is wrong in my thinking.

  2. #2
    Really you seem to be in a sticky situation. You are not wrong in your thinking but don't you feel that you are being too rigid. I don't know but that's what I feel. You are your best judge as you know what you have suffered. If you are giving your husband another chance, then you can surely give your ILs another chance. They may have a change of heart.

    You can talk to them to clear the issues and misunderstandings. This will help in betterment of the relation with your in-laws and also your husband. Your son too needs a stability in relationships for proper development. So you should try to bridge the gap for the sake of your son. You cannot cut off all the relations as it may affect him.

  3. #3
    Cermit's Avatar Junior Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2021
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    6
    I'm sorry to hear about that. You're totally not wrong in your thinking.

  4. #4
    Find yourself a perfect match is very difficult and if you think that your relationship isn't working anymore then it's time for you to move on. You can start with online dating. Just read the reviews about the best international dating sites and you will be able to pick something good for yourself. Good luck.

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