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Thread: Divorcing wife

  1. #1

    Divorcing wife

    Sorry for long post but i need advice friends plz as my life is hell now.

    I am an engineer who married the love of my life 1.5 years ago. We both are working employees. Everything was perfect and fine until a month ago and after our honeymoon.

    My wife would leave to office by 8am and I by 7:10am. Our sex life was ok as I ensured she never lacks anything in our marriage nor she ever complained. I would return back between 9pm to 10pm and she by 7pm approx.

    A few months ago, two of my friends saw my wife in a coffee shop with a guy as they were holding each others hands on table and also roming with his hand on her shoulder. They didn't inform me immediately thinking it would crack our friendship. But they used to ask me always " is there any problem in your married life" and my ans was No.

    Long story to cut off they told me about the other guy and my wife's roaming not only one time but 3 to4 times in different malls as they saw her and asked me if my wife has told me about her outgoing. I was shocked on hearing as I would always think she in office. After much arguments with my friends I decided to keep a watch on her and didn't confront her. She was at home acting normal but busy with phone sometimes as normal she was. When once again my friend informed me that my wife is in food court with same guy i called her office but was told she is in a busy meeting then I called her but no reply and then my friend told me she is purposely not picking up as he was observing her. I lost my mind and
    then I hired a private detective to keep a watch on her and also she shouldn't know this because if my friends were wrong then my marriage would be in trouble.

    After days I was shocked to see her and that guys pic they were hugging, kissing on lips and were too close physically and the detective told me about her affair and that guy was her colleague working with her department. Moreover I came to know that she was on leave for a week while she told me she is going to bangalore for a company meeting not only that several days she was absent in office and a warning letter was issued to her. Worst is photos were also of her accompanying him to his residence (entering his building) by touching each others body and she alone leaving by evening.

    I was devastated, hurt, exploded in anger, tears came crawling my eyes that time. How can she kiss someone when am alive?? She didn't even think of me one time while doing all this. How shameless she is even being married she is in an affair??
    I was a fool who wass planning to talk about having our children. I cried that night but decided to stop being a fool.

    That day I stayed with my friends by 10:30pm she started calling me and my friend switched it off as I was not in mood.The next day I went home she was a stupid acting like she was worried about me but she came to know from my face something was wrong. I took bath and left house without seeing her face. I directly reached to a lawyers office and narrated my story and evidances to him along with my friends and then served her divorce papers by mutual consent in presence of my and her parents. I confronted her that time and threw the photos on her face when she denied. Everyone was shocked and I slapped and draged her out of my house and shut the door. I created a scene in the building in anger and also threw her parents out. I shouted if not by mutual consent then by Ipc(497) adultery I would file for divorce in court. Even now my parents hate my in laws.

    Now she has accepted her affair and exposed it was a pre-marriage affair and physical relation with that guy including foreplay but denies having sex with him. She took leave from office to spend time with him when I was thinking my wife is busy in her work. Now She is constantly crying and begging me and my parents saying she made a big mistake and has nothing to do with that guy from now and such thing will never happen again. She had left her job and is pleading to live like a servant in my house and obey me but not to divorce her. Her parents too are requesting. Now she is complaining that she felt lonely as i was a workholic. she was also working then how come such lame excuse. I loved her a lot but she killed my love for her. I asked her If she was in love with him before marriage then why the hell did she marry me?? Her answer was she wanted to end it after meeting me which is a stupid excuse which destroyed my life.

    My life is ruined and I can't get over the fact of her kissing and foreplay with other guy it always strikes my head. I am dead set on divorce now. I married her loved her and and she was was in affair and cheated me and kept me in dark until my friends found out. This is what I got for loving my ex wife. Now I don't love her anymore nor I want to hear her excuses. I just want a clean divorce from her as early and my parents too are supporting me. Her crocodile tears have no effect on me. But she begs for a last and final chance. Her friends contacted me saying she is highly depressed and in suicidal tendency as all are hating her. She will be loyal from now to me and had broken all ties with other guy and realized her mistake. I replied them I can't believe all this as trust is vanished which is the base of a relation. So its better to kill this relation
    And told them to leave.

    Am I right for being deadset on divorce because cheating cannot be ever forgiven by me?? She could have told me all this or after marriage she should have been loyal to me but betrayed me.

  2. #2
    Hetal Kapoor's Avatar Member
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    Hi Neerav,

    You are absolutely right in divorcing your wife. If you get back together also, you will never trust her again.. For her to continue this relationship so soon after marrying another guy shows that she did not respect the marriage even a little bit to atleast try..

    I wish you hadnt created a scene in front of others and thrown her out but whats done is done.. be respectful and leave this marriage with dignity. Be clear than you want a divorce but do not get into fights or blame games.. whats done is done.. you need to just pick up the pieces of your life and move on..

    hope you agree with my advice!

    All the best!

  3. #3
    Sonia Roy's Avatar Member
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    I totally agree with you in your decision to divorce your wife. You have sufficient reasons in doing so as she has been unfaithful to you. If she had an affair before marriage so I don't think she can be faithful in future. You have the right to divorce her as there are valid grounds. You can sort this out amicably if she wants. Mutual divorce will help prevent unpleasant situations.

  4. #4
    If u were not exposed then everything gone as it is.....Move ahead n Plan ur future boy... Tc

  5. #5
    you can do one last good though before you just leave her..... it takes no brainer to understand you are a good soul and hence i thought i should suggest this to you. Take her for a counseling session where the counselor along side with you can council her that restarting this relationship is not possible as trust is like a thread, once broken there would always be a knot when its put back together like before.

    About why did she do that to you... well why's cannot have a definite answer my friend. If you believe in reincarnation theory then this may provide you some solace... It could be in some life of yours you have hurt her the way she hurt you or there could have been some karma to be balanced. The unknown variable that makes things mystic is the fact that you do not know if you were wrong because of some fault of yours or for no fault of yours. That is between God and you..(private stuff).

    About forgiveness my friend please give her forgiveness cause not doing so only makes your shoulders droop with the bad karma weight. By doing this mistake she just proved that she is a humble human who learn from mistakes, some are smart who learn from others experience but most of us learn only from our mistakes. So do forgive n if you still find it hard Pray to God ask him to give you the strength my friend He wont let you down.
    God bless you always!

  6. #6
    I liked what angad said. It is better to forgive and move on or if you love her immensely, then forgive and forget. Though it will take time for you to get over this but gradually things will fall into proper place. We all commit mistakes but we need to move on and learn from our mistakes. Your wife might have realized her mistake and will most probably not repeat in future. you can give her a second chance.
    You can also visit a counsellor who might be able to help you in this.

  7. #7
    It is good to go up with divorce. If she goes out for sometime with genuine reason u may go confusion mind by thinking the same

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