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Thread: How to handle

  1. #1
    Hetal Kapoor's Avatar Member
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    Question How to handle

    We are married for the past 15 years and enjoying our family, social and sex life. We have been having good sex life and are quite active. During sex we fantasize about 2 couples, one is a friend of my husband & his wife and the other one is my cousin sister & her husband and enjoy a lot.

    I have stopped my periods for the last one year and since then my sex desire has increased very high. I always think about having sex and think a lot about these two men whom we have been fantasizing since long. I really find it difficult to control myself when I face any of them though I know this is not right. I still enjoy sex with my husband.

    It was about 3 months back, my husband was out for 3-4 days on a business tour and I was alone at home. My husband's friend came to our place. His wife also had gone out for 2-3 days to visit some relatives. I asked him to join for dinner which he agreed to. I was really getting excited. After the dinner I used all tricks and made him agree to stay for the night. That night I had multiple rounds of sex with him, first time in my life with anyone other than my husband. Next day I had no guilty feeling and insisted him to spend this night also with me. I enjoyed these 2 nights. But my desire has further gone up and think about having same things repeated with my cousin's husband also again and again.

    I know this is not right but do not know how to handle this.

  2. #2
    Thats upto you isnt it.. do you think your marriage is going to sustain your cheating? Fantasizing is one thing..but you have actually cheated on your husband and broken your marriage vows.. I do not think that these fantasies are healthy for you because you cant seem to just let them be fantasies.. what to do further depends on the openness of your communication levels with your husband.. If you think that your husband cant accept all this, it is extremely important that you learn to control yourself. try some other fantasies which he can be a part of..

    oh and btw, what do you mean you have stopped your periods? menopause?

  3. #3
    Mariam Dsouza's Avatar Member
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    thats all upto u if u wants to more just go ahead

  4. #4
    Fatima Shreen's Avatar Member
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    If you have already gotten menopause, Im assuming that you are in your forties, at the minimum. That is the age couples get too comfortable with each other and dont try only to please each other. talk to your husband about trynew things - new positions, different types of holidays, etc. force yourself to forget the affair. All you are feeling for him is lust, and that doesn't go far..

  5. #5
    neha francis's Avatar Member
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    Just think if your husband does the same thing with you...how would you feel ? Maybe after this thought your desire for other men would vanish

  6. #6
    Shweta Kale's Avatar Member
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    I agree with Siya and Hemali.. Work on your sex life instead of looking for pleasure elsewhere.. subscribe to magazines like Cosmopolitan for tips..

  7. #7
    Hetal Kapoor's Avatar Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Samay Rai
    Thats upto you isnt it.. do you think your marriage is going to sustain your cheating? Fantasizing is one thing..but you have actually cheated on your husband and broken your marriage vows.. I do not think that these fantasies are healthy for you because you cant seem to just let them be fantasies.. what to do further depends on the openness of your communication levels with your husband.. If you think that your husband cant accept all this, it is extremely important that you learn to control yourself. try some other fantasies which he can be a part of..

    oh and btw, what do you mean you have stopped your periods? menopause?
    yes menopause

  8. #8
    Malti Shanker's Avatar Member
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    Hi Hetal..

    what did you decide?
    would love to know if you took any of our advice..

    All the Best!

  9. #9
    what is the end point of desires??? for example my weakness is food... so if i continue eating to my hearts contend where is that going to lead me...... obesity, diabetes, heart trouble, cholestrol and the list goes on n on. So in my death bed id be wondering why did i not find a point where i could say ok this is the point where i need to learn to be contended before arriving at this point in my life where the damage ive caused myself cannot be undone?

    My example is not irrelevant to your problem. My point being, you need to choose what will be your point of satisfaction. Once you have done that your next step would be to handle all the problems that come with it.
    Be safe and God bless you always.

  10. #10
    Totally agree with Angad. He has given a rather good example to prove his point. we need to have control over our desires. Fantasy is one thing and desire is different. You need to strike a balance. What you did was not right. you have breached the trust of your husband. If fantasy is creating problems for you, then you must stop fantasizing. Please be real and do not create problems in your married life. At this age, you are mature enough to handle such situations and not go withe the flow. Let bygones be bygones and move ahead. forget what happened and do not do this again.

  11. #11
    Its good that you are discussing about it so that u will come up with good decision

  12. #12
    For time being it is okay that you have enjoyed the sex life but in long term it will spoil your image and trust which you developed after your marriage. Think about your future life also because it will be very difficult to handle if it is exposed.

  13. #13
    I feel you are completely.. At times it is required to keep the marriage life going as it becomes monotonous...u never know ur hubby may be having pleasure as well with another woman.. I think this is all about sexual urge and nothing to do with love for your partner. Your love for your partner will remain same irrespective of you having sex with another man. But of course you need to keep a check on it. Especially husband's friend is not an ideal candidate for such adventure. My mantra is do whatever you want to do but don't make it a habit and most important "Keep it super secret".. never reveal it to anybody...not even ur closest of closest friend ..hope it helps to cheer u up...

  14. #14
    you continue hetal

  15. #15
    CONTROL....OR ESLE ENJOY IT THATS IT NOTHING IS WRONG OR RIGHT HETAL

  16. #16
    Dear Hetal,

    While it is very easy to say that it is wrong and advice you to move away, we know that it is difficult to move away. I feel you should at some time discuss this with your husband as sooner or later he will come to know.

    This started quite some time back. Hope things are good with you now.

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