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Thread: should i opt for divorce ?

  1. #1

    should i opt for divorce ?

    Hello everybody ....

    I'm in a really confused state of mind. I would like some inputs on this important decision in my life. I know that I need to take it on my own but I require some suggestions here please....

    I got married when I was 25. Arranged. Husband - no friends, no social life, no mentor, no neighbors, no community, no colleagues, no relatives, nothing, all he knows is to obey what his parents say and has no control on his life whatsoever.

    Both of us were pursuing a professional course. FIL passes away. I clear the professional course. I get pregnant. I am a mother and the story starts now....

    While I was away for delivery things changes drastically. MIL started involving herself in every possible way. Husband started feeling the burden of not clearing the professional degree. His "BIG" ego is crushed, as I take over the family profession (only on papers). He and his mother started torturing/harassing me day in and day out. One day he hit me. Hit me not in the sense that out of loss of anger or something. He started physically pulling pushing me for reasons best known to him.

    That was the last day for me in his house. I ran for my life and never turned back. after a year my so called husbands realizes that we are alive and calls to find out whether am i interested in coming back or not. he has no regrets for having done anything to me. and to top it all he lies in each and every statement of his. He just wants to know am i gonna come back or not. a yes or a no.

    My community is a very narrow minded one and will never accept a divorcee.
    And I feel very sad for my child, to be living without a father.

    How can i talk to a lair ?
    should I go back to him ?
    If yes y ?
    If no why not ?
    Is there any other option ?
    I want a father for my daughter, but i don't want a husband. ?!
    Can my child live without a father ?
    Can my child be a normal child if bought up without a father ?
    How is a life of divorcee ?
    How is a life of single mother ?

    Will i be doing justice to my child ???
    Will i be doing justice to me ???

  2. #2
    Hello,

    Having spent more than a year of separation or after leaving matrimonial home along with the child, you seem to have made up your mind to move out of this marriage. I think if there has been cruelty towards you from your husband (or his in-laws) you may be eligible to file for a divorce on grounds of cruelty. If you are educated and can support yourself, you may not be eligible for maintenance. However the father has to pay maintenance towards the child. Also the father can ask for visitation, which you may have to allow without compromising the child's well being. Depending on the facts of the case the Court may or may not grant you alimony. So these are some initial matters you need to consider.

    On the contrary, if you decide to go for saving the marriage you may want to go for restitution of conjugal rights (RCR). From what you mention, your marriage seems to have irretrievable broken. Some things are not clear from your post, for e.g. was there any attempt from your husband to contact you or ask for child visitation?

    Before we get to your questions, you have expressed concern that your community has poor acceptance of divorce between spouses. Well, after a year of separation and having taken care of yourself and your child, speaks a lot. So my guess is that most of your community should already know about your bad marriage (even if they may appear unaware of any such thing). In any case, it all goes to the court of law finally.

    And lastly to your questions:
    How can i talk to a lair ? -----> How else would you know, what he wants to do with the marriage
    should I go back to him ? -----> From your OP, it doesn't look like you want to. In any case if you decide to reunite, you will have plenty of time
    If yes y ? -----> You might want to try if the marriage can work (you know better, so yes in case you have some hope)
    If no why not ? -----> Please see the reasons you have provided above that led to the separation

    Is there any other option ? -----> Choice is between continuing or putting an end to the marriage. You or your husband cannot remarry before divorce

    I want a father for my daughter, but i don't want a husband. ?! -----> There are alternate relationships such as live-in partners. But I doubt if spouses can manage that in India. Well, I would reserve my ideas on this as further details are beyond the scope of this forum(?).

    Can my child live without a father ? -----> Not ideal. But yes, they manage. There are reports that this affects the child negatively. So please educate yourself a bit more beforehand

    Can my child be a normal child if bought up without a father ? -----> In most cases court allows visitation to father. So if your husband wants the child, he can visit from time to time and the child can have a healthy parental care. If your husband is willing to bond with and bring up the child, this can work. If he does not volunteer, tough luck. But Indian children have poor acceptability towards having a new father and vice versa. Not sure if this has changed with time?

    How is a life of divorcee ? -----> I believe most married people are unhappy. Enough said!

    How is a life of single mother ? -----> You might want to connect with single mom's on this forum.

    Will i be doing justice to my child ??? -----> Who should know this better than the mother of the child herself?

    Will i be doing justice to me ??? -----> I doubt if there's anybody who will do injustice to him/herself.

    Good luck!
    Dexter Superhydro
    Last edited by Dexter Superhydro; 20-02-2016 at 05:39 PM.

  3. #3
    Monica Jddd's Avatar Member
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    Good evening everyone here. Guys, can someone here please advise me some trustowrthy dating websites for seniors? I will really appreciate your help here

  4. #4
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