Should I be with my husband or leave him??

I was born and brought up in a very orthodox, well respected middle class family in a village in AP. I fell in love with my classmate when I was doing my MBBS. But I was afraid of my parents. I kept on telling my parents that I will get married only after I get into post graduation. I have this unreasonable fear of whom I am dependent on since my childhood. I was afraid of my parents before marriage and now I am afraid of my husband. I thought I can tell my parents when I am settled and not dependent on them. But, they want me to get married anyway and found a guy who is 100 times richer than us and forced to get married. I told them that I will not be happy if I get married and I cried for a month and did not talk to them. But they forced me and got me married. I thought of leaving home but I thought about my parents respect in the society. I prayed to god that at least the guy should be sadist so that I can leave him.

It's been 2 years now. We don't have any children now. My boyfriend and me got into postgraduation within a year after my marriage. We were responsible from the beginning and studied hard to make our love success. But, I am married now. My husband is very nice guy. The only thing is he is very short tempered and very career oriented. He never spends more than 5 to 10 minutes a day with me. Because of my unreasonable fear as I told you before, I am afraid of him. But, I am pretty sure he loves me such. But, I never love him. All I have towards him is pity. I am nice to him because it is sin to make him unhappy for my mistakes. There wasn't even a single day that I didn't think of my boyfriend. I have been crying all these 2 years when there is no one around me. I still want to leave my husband and go. But, again I think of my parent's respect and if my husband can find another girl or not if I leave him. I told my mom that I am not happy even after 2 years. My mom is now crying that "I don't know you love him, I know that only he loves you, you told us a lot not to get you married, but we didn't listen, all this happened because of me." and she is crying a lot and saying because it happened we can't do anything now.

What should I do now? I really want to get separated, but my parents lose respect in the society if I get separated when my husband is a nice guy. Please advice what should I do.

dont carry your baggage from past...past was nice but you ought to live in the present.....u have said that it seems he loves u...as far as spending time is considered wait ...........u will have ur wishes fulfilled..give some time..

First of all you don't put your legs on two boats, better put on one, which you feel is more comfortable with it. You are married now, though it was against your wishes and 2 years passed, is your bf ready to accept you now, have you ever talked about it. Is he really wishes to marry you or just for time pass and some intimate moments he is around you? First of all you have to make sure want you want. If you don't love your husband then there is no meaning in going on like this and sacrificing your life for the same of family name and reputation. Take a strong bold decision, which you think is appropriate. You can't have two people in your life. you have to give up one, and make a wise decision soon. May god bless you...

I agree with Dev, You ought to live in present. Past is past. You never forgot that but now you couldn't change your present, so please stay with him. You don't have rights to destroy somebody's life even when in which don't have any fault of him.