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Raising Children Topics..

You are here : home > Raising Children > The Girl Child > Is Your Daughter Dark? > Comments

Comments:

Name: Vishesh
Country: India
My daughter is dark and I for one have never been one to place emphasis on colour or apperance for that matter! She came crying to me about how some kids teased her as the bat girl (cuz she is dark!) at school. Her teacher had given her a pep talk about it and we at home told her that such comments shouldn't bother her as being dark is just a skin tone. Excellent article! Loved reading it.

Name: Rajendran
Country: India
need tips for fairness cream details for my girl daughter age 3 yrs

Name: Donna
Country: India
Attacking fair skin is a horrible way to praise a dark girl. Words such as "bland" are bully words and you are raising your daughter by telling her lies and insulting fair girls just goes to show you lack confidence in yourself and in your dark daughter. The truth is: Fair skin is beautiful, lovely, and healthy looking. And most models in the world are actually fair and your daughter had eyes and will see this....Most models come from northern Europe. And many people risk their health to have fair skin. Most of Asia which is largest continent in the world envies white skin, not tan. Instead of bullying fair girls, gain confidence for yourself.

Name: Shri.Krishna
Country: U.S.A.
I wanted to take this a step further, that this has been tough mentally on me too. In fact I recognize these thinking patterns in Punjabis, especially those tire tubed obese ones who still think that they are super pretty just because they have fairer skin, and I stay miles away from them. In fact I discourage my girls from liking punjabi boys because they will end up in a household full of such ugly tiretubed punjabi retarded females who will drive them mentally insane....It's just not worth it. I say change to another sector of "Indians" and say goodbye to all that garbage thinking......there are better things to do with our time.

Name: ShriKrishna
Country: U.S.A.
I'm guilty as charged. Have always commented about how we need to lighten our skin. It's been passed down from my mother to me. And although I promised myself that I would not do this to my girls - I still did it. now i can't undo this hurt and the psychological impact. We are Punjabi Indians and if your not fair - you are just not considered the prettiest. I think the whole thing boils down to feeling good about yourself. I ended up with an inferiority complex - never dealt with it - became used to it and as a result - i passed it onto my girls. In fact if anyone comments on this in society - the moms out there with dark skinned girls - tell them that those people who comment have inferiority complexes and need psychotherapy themselves. AND JUST STAY AWAY FROM THEM. Change your group of friends. Divorce yourself from them altogether.

Name: lalitha
Country: India
great article. more like this please! articles that help us boost the confidence of our children are greatly appreciated!

Name: upm
Country: Canada
i have a dark complexioned as well as a fair complexioned daughter. my elder daughter evrsince the age of two compared herself with my mother who is fair and used ask why she isn't fair? all the members in our family always told her that skin color doesn't matter and used to point how good her features were. i always praise a dark model on tv and as well tell her that there nothing bad in being dark. she is good at ice skating and painting. she is 7 now. her sister is 2 months old and very fair. sometimes i feel that my elder daughter seems sad overher dark skin. earlier i was least bothered about this but after the birth of my second child i am fa

Name: neha khanna
Country: India
my whole hand and shoulders are dark circles , how i remove actually it is sun effected, can you tell me some home packs

Name: paulette
Country: Canada
in the story above the mothers comments and actions are what led this woman to thinking she was inferior because of her skin tone. i myself am a native canadian with a white husband, my oldest has dark hair, eyes and skin; my youngest on the other hand has blue eyes, blond hair and light skin. i let them know that they are both beautiful and they are both the same in other ways. children should know that everybody is different and those differences are what make them special.

Name: Saranne
Country: USA
hello: i am a african american female student and i am currently writing a paper on the stigma with dark skin complextion. although i am an american citizen, and knowing how much my country is rittled with the cancer of racism, i have never been ashamed of my complexion. complexion complexes is a big thing amoung black americans. it actually traces back to the mental tactics used on the africans that were captured and brought over to america. the slave owners had to make the african turned slave hate the color of his skin in order to keep him from joining with fellow slaves and leading a revolt. by the time slavery was abolished in america in the later part of the 19th century, the mental damage had already been done. a man by the name of willie lynch (the one who was very intrumental in implementing these tactics) predicted that if his tactics were put into use and used, if i could use the term "religiously", the affects of it will last for about three hundred years. it has alsmost been three hundred years since he gave his address in 1712 and the skin complexion issue is still something that confronts black americans. i am interest in learning about how skin complexion has become such a big issue in countries like india, asia and even in europe amoung fellow europeans like italians vs. russians. if anyone has any information that they think would be useful to me in my search to understand why this is an issue and how did it become one. i am in the process of doing a research paper and i can use all the help i can get. thank you so much saranne

Name: cheppi
Country: India
this is a very good article. keep up the good work.

Name: Anu
Country: India
yes,even i liked this article a lot,my daughter age 11 was wheatish till she joined swimming for 2 months n became so tanned n became 2 shades darker,since then she is the same,she herself feels it,i tell her many times that even dark complextion girls do look beautiful,she listens to me but still i can make out from her face when she sees a smart n fair girl,if any suggestion as to how can i make my girl confident in life,will be welcomes with thanks.

Name: Saira
Country: USA
this obsession with light skin is ridiculous but is so prevalent esp in india. personally i think indians are racist, i have several friends who will cringe at the idea of their son marrying an african american but will tolerate their son marrying a white. in fact here the indian men think very highly of themselves who date white. it is pathetic so i really dont feel any sympathy to indians who are victims of racism coz most indians are racist.

Name: veena
Country: India
this is a good article, but i have few comments. the article would have been much more attractive if you where not to distinguish people based on cast and community. for example i know nothing about sindhi community but after reading this aritcle i am forced to think that people from that community have darker complexion. along with you good work indiaparenting should help the coming generation to get rid of all this cast system that exists in india.

Name: brown angel
Country: Other
im 16 yrz old,i have brown skin..and even though living in a western country,i dont face ne kinds of problems..evryone admires my skin saying it makes me look bold and beautiful..fair skin is really common n boring wich is why i feel unique..but 2 yrz ago when i visited india...my relatives started saying how dark ive become as soon as i reached the airport..this is very upsetting..we jst hav to face the facts that most of the ppl will prefer a fair person..but still be proud of who u r..dont let others comments get to u

Name: it doesn't matter
Country: USA
i'm 14. and i don't have fair skin but, i'm getting their by using various lotions. my face is a little bit darker than my whole body.

Name: Daughter
Country: Australia
i am indian girl,living in australia now.i am my self wheatish,had my mum telling me to improve my complexion.but some how the way she would put it never made me feel bad but yes it was her efforts which made my skin tone 2 shades lighter,thus not only it helped my self esteem(blive me in indian colleges fair skin girls r goddess) in graduation days, but also helped making my skin texture better, thus i would like to say that mothers have best intention for their daughters at heart.though mums should care 4 the way they do like my mum did.

Name: Melody
Country: USA
i think these girls need to be taught that people in their culture are very diverse. i think they also need to be aware that race seems to be an issue but should not hold them down from becoming beautiful mature women. i am an african american girl who has been commonly mistaken for every other ethnic background but my own. people have always insisted that i am "mixed" which made me often wonder if a black girl who is pretty be "all" black. keep in mind i am not a light shade. i did not always enjoy my complexion. it seemed to get in the way. as i grew older i learned more about my culture i became more accepting and comforable in my own skin. infact, i wouldn't want it any other way. my mother told me god made me the way i am. how dare i try to change my body if god wanted me to be this way. i also wanted to mention that i am also in a relationship with a man who is from nepal and india. his complexion is fair. he loves my skin and it has never been an issue to him. it took a bit of time for his mother to accept me. later she told me she felt ashamed for doubting me as being "good enough" for her son.

Name: ann87
Country: USA
in america people pay tons of money to get tan skin--white people and sometimes other races too. if people that are fair pay that much money and risk skin cancer to get tan skin, then why is tan skin seen as 'not as good' as fair skin???

Name: Siddhartha
Country: USA
i should probably not even be writing this comment, but i was so annoyed reading this article!! yes, i have seen this obsession of indians with 'fair' complexion. even though the article seemingly is written with good intent, i am thoroughly annoyed by the points listed out by the author to make their child feel 'better' about their complexion. majority of them are trying to tell her how the rest of the world uses various means to get a tan complexion. the problem get over is to overcome the mindset of being what the majority or the popular culture want you to look like. literally they have to feel comfortable in their own skin, the parents that is. only then can they make those kids feel better..

Name: Nikita
Country: USA
remember grooms- when she bleaches her skin and becomes fair the genes have not changed. your kids will still tend to be dark. stop trying to be white. the whites do not want to be indians. a tan may be attractive as a beauty treatment but they still look down on your natural tan and think of us as inferiors.

Name: to siddharth
Country: India
where does it say - make your daughter "feel better" about her complexion in this article? i couldnt find it anywhere. what was written was the way a mother handles her daughter is the way a daughter feels about herself. if a mother feels that it is better to be fair than dark, like 90 percent of indians feel, then they should not pass this feeling on to their daughter.

Name: Laura Michelle
Country: USA
i am very very fair: my mother is russian and my father is northern italian. as soon as the summer starts, so do the comments about my skin..."you are so pale, why dont you tan, don't you ever go outside?". my entire usa society seems obsessed with skin color, and how they can change it. my parents tell me that my skin is beautiful, and just because everyone wants to be dark dosent mean i have to be. individuality is a great thing! embrace being different, because if we were all the same it would be sooo boring!

Name: Laura Michelle
Country: USA
i am very very fair: my mother is russian and my father is northern italian. as soon as the summer starts, so do the comments about my skin..."you are so pale, why dont you tan, don't you ever go outside?". my entire seems obsessed with skin color, and how they can change it. my parents tell me that my skin is beautiful, and just because everyone wants to be dark dosent mean i have to be. individuality is a great thing! embrace being different, because if we were all the same it would be sooo boring!

Name: Mital
Country: England
to tell your daughter that she is dark is wrong. it will destroy her confidence when it comes to things like boys and it will make her believe she is ugly.

Name: anti-white
Country: Other
i thoroughly loved reading the comments submitted. it's a releif to know that there are some people out thre with some pride and depth. but being realistic, no matter how gorgeous one is, if you have darker skin you won't be considered good-looking from an indian perspective. andif you are short and fat and have absolutely no features, and have white skin, you will be admired. i know it sounds really sad and distorted but it's true. i reckon that indaisn still have a colonial mentality, where not only fair skin, but 'european-ish' features are regarded as attractive. i mean why else do you see indians dyeing their hair blonde and wearing greeen and blue contact lenses? i persoanlly think that these sorts of people need major psychotherapy. i live overseas and indians here are seriously crack. they bleach their faces, take whitening pills - wassup with that??? something to worry about people

Name: Javeria
Country: USA
i am pretty dark, and i think that just because you are fair doesn't mean you are beautiful. this article sides that fair people are beautiful. but i have alot of dark skinned people who are more beautiful than alot of fair people.fair people can be ugly 2.

Name: Nikita
Country: USA
remember grooms- when she bleaches her skin and becomes fair the genes have not changed. your kids will still tend to be dark. stop trying to be white. the whites do not want to be indians. a tan may be attractive as a beauty treatment but they still look down on your natural tan and think of us as inferiors.

Name: the wise one
Country: Other
to indian women - tf you bleach your skin to be fair when you have a child that child is going to be dark, so if you hate dark so much you should pay for making your children dark, they should turn on you like a wild tiger. dark indians unite, blame your father too they are the educated folls who want fair girld and there are not enough to go around, the dark girls have to bleach to look fair, but in reality she is a darkie. it is your parents fault they are crazy.

Name: Dark
Country: USA
ump....yes that is society...i remember when i was younger...being the only indian at my school.....no one gave me a second look....living in a white community...i looked down on my dark indian skin...and wished i was like my fair mother....it is sad that people think this way...and i think in the back of my mind i still feel this way....but everyone is beutiful...all the fair one's spends thousands of money on tanning......we have a natural tan....a healthy tan !!:):)

Name: Charmaine Langford
Country: USA
it is sad to admit that racism still exists. what's even sadder is that "people of color" are the most racists against each other. my family is a rainbow of races, so i don't have a problem accepting one single soul for who they are. skin color does not make the person, the heart and personality does. so sad that only a handful of human beings feel this way :(

Name: Mixed
Country: USA
one of my dark skinned indian friends married a black american man. they have the most beautiful kids. they have such smooth beautiful dark skin. the indian and african mixture created the most exotic and elegant features. its not only light skinned european origin and indian that can create beauty!

Name: Jeny
Country: USA
umm... jatin from canada... i don't understand your comment... are you saying that dark people are not as beautiful because they are dark!! this kind of attitude that indians have are what makes people with darker skin an outcast. look at worlds most beautiful models like tyra banks, naomi campell, bipasha basu, priyanka chopra, and sushmitha sen. they are soo beautiful, and it is there color that makes them glow even more. i am sick of seeing all these "fair and lovely" commericals on indian tv channels which portray beauty as light skinned. the texture of your skin and your features are what make you beautiful, not color. i actually look better in the summer when i get a tan. in the winter time, i look too pale and and dull! i am so glad that are beautiful models like bipasha basu are representing the true indian color. living in america, i see the value of having darker skin. i can go to the beach and not worry nearly as much as a white person of getting cancer. my white friends spend 100's of dollars going to the tanning booths and still complain cuz they don't have the even skin color that i do! indians need to stop being so shallow and realize we make ourselves look like fools.

Name: anti-white
Country: Other
i agree with all of the comments. to jatin - was it you that didn't understand my comment or was it someone else's comment. anyhow if it was mine, bascially what i was trying to say is that i don't agree with people resorting to extreme measures, or any measure for that matter, to look white. i absolutely beleive that dark people are beautiful. i don't even think that skin colour is what makes one attractive, its the features. but waht i also said was that indians will never and i mean never comprehend this. they will always perceive darker people to be 'ugly'. i mean look at the indian movie stars they hardout bleach their skin. i have seen some of the bollywood stars in real, and they are not that fair, adn when people see them, they go "ohhh she's dark, she's not that pretty", kajol (oneof the prettiest actresses) is considered ugly by a lot of people because she doesn't whiten herself to teh same extent as all the other freaks in the industry, eg aishwarya rai - ever noticed how she started off in the industry as a darker woman, and now she is white like a ghost. face it if she was brown or very dark no one would call her attractive (even despite her having nice features). and ofcourse her non-indian eye colour is a major "bonus" for her. moreover, i totally agree with dark models being gorgeous - tyra banks and bipasha are definately beautiful - more so than ash rai - but do you hear indians saying bipasha is a babe, they way that they say ash is? i don't think so. and also on that point about people worryign about their children's skin colour...oh man i only have swear words for those kind of people to be quite honest. i know so many indians that favour the fair child, or look for partners that are fair. i even know a woman who cried after her baby was born becuase she was darker than her and her husband. so people there is nothing that we can do about screwed up people out there. and if anyone makes a comment to your face about you being dark, tell them off really badly in front of other people, i have found this to be quite therapeutic.

Name: Anita
Country: India
i have brown skin (not fair, not dark, kind of in-between) and my two sisters are quite fair like my mum. they family absolutely adore them because they are a little lighter than i am. even my mum and aunts encourage us to be fair and always make comments about fair peopel beign pretty (evneif they are actualyl ugly) and dark ones being ugly (suprise suprise). they also think that fair people suit any colour, whereas dark people should have narrow choices as they look ugly in light coloured clothes. and yes they love that fair and lovely crap. also something which a lot of non-fair skinned people may experience is being told to stay out of the sun - that is so annoying. i'd rather go darker and enjoy the outdoors, than stay indoors like a sad little nocturnal protecting myself from going "black". btu yea to a mature person these comments do't mean much. but to younger person, these comments can really begin to affect them. people don't realise the comments that they make and the repurcussions of them. i am considered quite attractive by a lot of 'outsiders' being european people, but people in my family don't, as i am not fair. i also remember crying quietly on my own as a younger girl because of comments people made (people in my family). they always said it in a humourous way and ended by saying oh never mind ha ha ha. if it was light-hearted humour then why did i feel so bad. why weren't the jokes aimed at fair people. why couldn't they say oh god your are too fair, get a tan..oh nevermind..ha ha ha??

Name: some beauty tips
Country: Other
to all those idiots out there, if you bleach your skin (it may result in patches on your face). why? oh geez let me think, it's because you are altering the natural pigmentation in your skin - and when you screw with nature it screws with ya. so i guess some indians prefer to look like dalmations rather than human beings..oh well, it's their choice. also for those fools who take whitening pills, please stop b4 you kill yourself. and by the way after a while your original skin colour can return, and make you look real horrid.

Name: me
Country: Other
to saranne, i have a lil' bit of info that might help in your research, but your email ad doesn't go through

Name: Hmm
Country: Other
where did people get this idea that fair people are good looking? yeah right, as if. i would love to find out the origins of where this madness all began

Name: some advice to Anitha
Country: Australia
to anitha from india - there is not much that you can do in terms of how other children think about people with dark skin. they are simply a product of the society we live in - and clearly they must come from families where their parents and relatives speak about dark people as if there is something ugly and wrong with them, which is so sad. i feel bad for your daughter - kids can be so cruel and it is exactly these sorts of kids that grow up to encourage their children to be fair or bleach their skin or whatever. so i suppose all that you can do is to tell your daughter that she is beautiful no matter what skin colour and don't try to change her. if more parents did this then our society wouldn't be full of indians having an identity crisis. and also explain to your daughter why these kids are doign what they are doing.

Name: Rita
Country: Canada
go nosheen - right on girl! couldn't have put it better

Name: Lena
Country: England
to all the beautiful dark people, one piece of advice, never sit back and take crap from anyone, if you feel strongly about "fair" indians or others sayign shit about darker people, or feeling sorry for you, give em' a piece of your mind - worked for me.

Name: clueless
Country: Australia
first of all i don't understand why "being dark" is an "issue" or a "problem" that someone needs to deal with? do we have articles saying "is your daughter fair? - how to handle a fair daughter"? no ofcourse not, then why the hell have articles about dark people?

Name: nosheen
Country: England
hi it's me again if you've got a problem with my comment please e-mail me. i'd still like to somthing your realy are missing out being friends with dark people because their very kind.

Name: naima
Country: Other
hi there am from england and i have just read this article and feel pity.i am of dark colour that like priyanka chopra(miss world 200) i have the same skin colour as her and i am proud!because its peoplle like her that r representin dark skin beauty!beauty is skin deep so y dont people take that into account.i personally think that having a tanned skin is the most beautiful gift you can hav.like peopl have mentioned many white people light even want to get tanned!my english friends adore my skin say its a beautiful carameay colour!i am the dark one should i say 4rm my family the others r very fair,i took after my dad who is a vey good looking man as his always getting more prise and comments then my mum.my mum is very fair but she never has made me feel the odd one she loves me equally like my other brothers and sisters,and has never said oh ur dark ur ugly!i just think people should appriciate wat the have got.

Name: adam curtis
Country: England
i am a white man and my daughter is seeing a black man and i dont see the problem, i always have him round for dinner!

Name: happy about what i am now
Country: USA
what i wanted to say here is: no matter what we have achieved, there will always be some people to discourage us. in the same way there will also be some people to encourage us. its only in our hand to decide what we want in our life. anybody can lead a happy life then.

Name: happy about what i am now
Country: USA
i am a brown coloured indian female. i really feel that there are many racist indians. my mother was also fair too, but she never allowed me to bother about my complexion. my parents always wanted me to be highly educated and multi talented. when i was young many hurt me by their comments about my complexion. after i grew up and studied more, every relative of mine started praising me for my achievements and behavior. i was too careful in selecting a partner, who can respect my feelings and let me enjoy my life. even now some of my relatives pass comments about my complexion. one girl who was wheatish is now trying hard to become fairer. for achieving that she stays at home to protect her from sun. she does nothing though she is a degree holder. some people make me to wonder if taking care of beauty is our only motive for living? i can't imagine a life which concentrates only on grooming. i really wonder how some people can derive happiness in doing just that.

Name: Priya
Country: malaysia
hi ...to all out there, it is true some of us feels proud with their fair skin and some feels embarrass with their dark skin. guys ...we can't stop this . most of the media likes to choose fair skin people for their advertisement, they seems prefer to have fair skin people around to advertise......isn't that painful?

Name: Maira
Country: usa
my name is maria i'm 13 years old and i live in minnesota usa. i'm you're typical americna mutt. i'm a blend of german, english, italian, french, jewish, finish, russian and so on. i have 12 nationalities. but anyway for whaterver reason i'm very fair skinned. in america everyone wants to be darkly tanned and i mean darkly. if a white person is luckly enough to tan easily they will. i have friends who tan so much they let themselves get darker then some indian people i know. but my point is i've been through the same kind of grief with my complexion for the opposite reason. when i was younger my friends made me feel so terrible about being fair, that i felt so unatrrative and from then on been disguested with my colour and anytime anyone made comments about it, i felt like crying my eyes out. my parents are fair so that explains why i am. here is another shocking fact to top it off. i love india and anything about it's culture. i wish i was indian. that made it even tougher on me to have fair skin. and now whenever i can, i try my best to get a good tan. i realiaze i'll never be chocolate brown like my friends,{they are whites} but if i work at it, i can get a light tan. sometimes i don't even like to go out unless i have a tan, or i won't wear shorts if my legs look too white. to any of you indians who have been upset by or degraded because of you're skin colour, you are beautiful people, much more beautiful then any of us whites, especially ones like me. be proud of you're beautiful brown comlexions. if any whites have ever said anything about you, it's because they are green with envy and know you have something they can't have. i wish i could be happy and proud of my colour, but i can't be. i've been hurt too much. i sympathsize deeply with anyone who hates or feels uncofortable with their skin colour.

Name: dark and lovely
Country: usa
it's funny how i hear indians look down on blacks. i am black/dark and beautiful. i have men of different races chasing after me. when i hear this it really makes me laugh cos i usually used to look down on indians bcos they smell funny. even the black boys i know who sleep with indians say thier pussy smells bad. lol

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