It was great to hear from you.I was really hoping that the website would post my message.But it didn' t.And you know how thoughts are.They don' t always come back.Anyway,what I wanted to say was that I don' t have anything to remind me of my baby at all.I had pictures from the first ultrasound when we saw the heartbeat but I returned them to the doctor to keep them in my file.I didnot want to destroy them as they were pictures of my baby but at the same time I didnot want to have them around me.I thought that it will be easier for me if I couldn' t see it.Also I didnot mean that you or one shouldnot think about the lost baby.Its impossible to forget him/her.Believe me I do think about mine everyday though I may not say anything to anyone.But I try not to be sad.I try to think that he or she is safe with the Lord and is being taken care of.

Last week was very hard for me.I was taking Clomid just like I did for my previous cycle.But last time I was naive.Didn' t know what to expect or anything.And when I got pregnant,considered myself lucky.But this time,I was extremely emotional.I was irritated the first 2 days and then very upset the next few days.I just couldn' t help thinking about my lost baby.SO I didnot post.But I am doing better now and am trying to get myself to be positive and get hopeful again.Will leave it up to the Lord.Hope he will answer my prayers.And He knows whats best for all of us,anyways.

As far as my name,everytime I type Tryingtobepositive, it forces me to be positive and hopefully will inspire all my friends on this board to be positive.However,will reveal my real name one day..........

Anyway,thats it for now.

Good luck with TTC.Keep in touch.

Take care,

Ms.Positive

I think its a good thing that you have decided to do some volunteering.It will keep your mind occupied.

Anyway,I posted a message to you in waiting to try.I was thinking about switching to that thread since we are both TTC.What do you think?

Glad to hear that your sugar and BP are under control.And I am sure the shopping took your mind off of thinking about your period.

I wonder why would they not know about ovulation predictor kits?Anyway,try a big store or something.I am sure they would know.

Anyway,I will talk to you on waiting to try.Let me know about the volunteering.

Take care and God Bless you.

Regards,
Ms.Positive.

hi ms.positive
sorry for the delay in replying ...i was a bit busy few days as my sil had come over so we were at mil place...all most the whole day and also we had been doing lots of shopping last few days as my husband got transfered in a new dept away from site and now need to wear his own clothes ,but as he had uniforms the amount of formal clothes were less so we just shoped a lot and i felt pretty good and as an incentive i too got to buy a teddy bear ( big one) of my choise
yes we do get home preg test out here but it seems msot of the chemist out here has not heard of the term ovulation predicting kit !!! and as of now there is no requirement of testing my periods came on sunday well was a bit disapponted but its ok ,, il not let myself down and sad... i know we will suceed and things will be fine for us very soon
everybody suggested me to get into some activity were i will be surrounded by people so i plan to join a voluntary organisation for few hours in the afternoon ..lets c hw it goes
as of now my sugar and bp is all under control
take care and do keep in touch
love
sudha

I am glad to hear that you have started your breathing exercises again.My husband and I try to walk atleast 4-5 times a week and that makes me feel better too.

I have looked into finding a yoga teacher here.But where I live there aren´ t any close by.And the one I did find her classs timings coincide with my work schedule and so I couldn´ t go to her.But I am going to keep looking.

Last time I didnot have any pregnancy books till about 7 weeks and when I started reading those I was so scared because I felt that my baby is not getting enough nutrition etc.I took a break for few weeks after the pregnancy was over and then I finished reading 2 books.I feel better prepared this time around.

I am sorry to hear that your blood pressure and sugar levels shot up later on.I know that here they monitor those very closely.Hopefully you will not have that problem next time around and your doctor will follow you more closely given your history.And go ahead and get the pregnancy test done if that will make you feel better.Can you get a home pregnancy test there?

Anyway,as always its nice talking to you.Keep up the hope.I am extremely jittery as well but I am trying to think about the future.It is taking a lot of will power for me to not think about what has happened.I know I am wiser now,better prepared and rest I will leave up to the Supreme Lord.

Thats it for now.Good luck and God bless you.

Talk to you later,

Ms.Positive.

hi
yes i started over my breathing exercise and walking and the results were immidiate i slept well yesterday and i plan to continue ,tomorrow i will be going for my sugar testing and i just cant resist my tempatation to get a preg test done too... i know there is nothing to hurry but still ...
i dont know which part of us u reside but most of my friends have somehow or the other had got hold of a yoga teacher in some way or the other may be in a templeprenatal classes in hospitalsindians who teach etc...why dont u too look about and see
yoga helped me immensely during my preg last time mainly i didnt put on much weight just 13kg and i have shed them all in 6mnths time touch wood that i am ableto do the same this time...also i kept a chk on bp and my sugar from my 1st semister but unfortunatly we were not aware that bp and sugar might may shoot up at the later phase and mudication is required and it shot up and all ended...
though i am not a diabetic i still do exercises to put my sugar level dwn and my pressure dwn ....
lets c what happens next ,we are it seems of the same age i am also 30.3..though i am also jittery still i would like to say u keep the hope and all will be fine
love and blessing
sudha

Hi Sudha,

It was good to hear from you as always.Well,I have polycystic ovary syndrome and hence I have irregular periods and there are months when I don´ t ovulate.I have been married 6 years and 3 months and had to wait to get done with school and certain other reasons to TTC.Started trying in September of last year.The first 3-4 months after I was off my pill,my periods were ok.But as soon as the effect of the pill was gone,my symptoms of PCOS reappeared and I wasn´ t ovulating.My doc wanted me to try for a full year but I din´ t want to waste any more time.I am 30-1/2 years old right now.SO in February I saw this reproductive endocrinologist who started me on meds for PCOS and then I take clomid from day 3-7 of my cycle.Clomid helps induce ovulation.My doc foolws my progress with ultrasounds to monitor my ovaries and then I do a shot with HGC( its a hormone)to help my ovaries release the egg and then we TTC and then we wait.I got pregnant the first cycle and thought myself to be extremely lucky.But.........

Its a coincidence that you found out in April on your birthday about being pregnant.I found out in APril as well-3 days after my 6th wedding anniversary.Well lets hope you and I get pregnant this cycle and stay pregnant and have healthy babies.If things work out well in this cycle, we should have babies in April,right?

Anyway,I am so happy to hear that you are a yoga instructor.I wish I had someone close to where I live to teach me yoga.I have done some but don´ t know much.Would love to learn again but its hard to find an instructor here.

Anyway,don´ t freak out.Just try to relax and stay positive.Even I am extremely nervous but I try to think from the end.I was positive during my last cycle and I got pregnant.However all I was thinking about was getting pregnant.But this time I am going to think not only about getting pregnant but staying pregnant and having a healthy baby.

Just relax and enjoy your love making.Don´ t freak out.Hope for the best and practice some yoga.

Take care and stay in touch.

God bless you as well.

Regards,
Ms.Positive.

hi
yes what u said is absolutlt true men cant express though in a fit of anger i do say him insensitive but he too cares and is equally affected and when i expressed the cause of my anxiety he was pretty concerned that if it doesnt happen this mnth its one more trying time ... but ..that question still lingers hopefully i become preg
u wont beleive last time i fell preg within 3 mnth of leaving my pill and as my mum was with me and i too had joined a new wrk i was not a bit concerned o god no time for making love what will happen we hardly did it and in april on my b day i found i was preg i was like so happy and now ( my 1st mnth of trying ) as my period days are nearing i m like freaking out
i know gayatri mantra and pranayana wrks ( i m a trained yoga teacher) but ...but .. somehow i lost control of my mind few days back
well i am slowly coming over in control that leyts hope for the best and life doesnt end if it doesnt happen now it will happen soon
lots about me, when do plan to try after the cource gets over ( pardon my ignorance i m utterly ignorant about how infertility treatments work )..we all learn things the hard way may be if ever attacks me i will have all the knowlegde
do keep in touch and god bless u
love
sudha

I know what you mean when you say that you felt like a living tomb.Thats how I felt as well.I found out on Tuesday afternoon and my D&C was scheduled for Thursday and those 2 days felt like hell.I knew there was somebody dead inside me and I just wanted it to be over with.

I am sorry to hear that you cannot talk about your loss with your husband.Don´ t think that he is not affected by it.Men have different ways of expressing or not expressing pain and disappointment.My hubby doesn´ t talk about it much either but I know he is very hurt and disappointed.However,he doesn´ t stop me from talking about it.

I am in the US but I know what you mean when you say in India still birth or child loss is not talked about.Actually nobody really talks about this unless they have to.Let me explain what I mean.After I found out about the missed abortion I was a nervous wreck.ANd I made the mistake of going to work the next day.I work a couple of part time jobs and nobody knew I was pregnant.My coworker could tell something was wrong with me and she really insisted that I share with her what was bothering me.I lost it and told her what had happened.She told me she had one miscarriage too and she has a 7 year old now who was born after that.Now this girl and I are good friends and share a lot but she never shared with me about this.Why?Just because nobody talks about it.Later I found out that her sister had one too and three of my other coworkers at the other places have had miscarriages.All of them have children now.I had been working with these people for atleast a year and didn´ t know about this.A lot of my coworkers still don´ t know about my situation.Now all these people are Americans.So when I talked to my doctor I told him that I was surprised at how common it is here and I wonder if it doesn´ t happen in India or people just don´ t talk about it.He said that people just don´ t talk about it but they will offer support when you need it.And then I found this website..........

And as far as your family not wanting to talk about it.Sometimes people believe that if you don´ t talk about it or don´ t mention it,it will go away.But the truth of the matter is it doesn´ t.Try not to think that they think its an embarrasement or insult and don´ t boil inside.Remember stress is bad for TTC.Remember,even they are disappointed and just don´ t know how to behave.Nobody knows.Before this happened to me I wouldn´ t know what to say to anyone if they told me they had a miscarriage or still birth.And maybe they think if you talk about it,there will be a negative effect (for lack of better term) on the future child.Remember,THINK FROM THE END.

And its sad but its true that we women are supposed to act cheerful and happy no matter what.But women are stronger than men and thats why they give birth.

Can you try to share with your husband how it hurts when he hushes you up and how you feel he is unaffected by all this?It is really important that he understands how you feel.And remember,he is equally hurt just cannot express it well.Men aren´ t good at expressing their feelings.

ANyway,just relax and try to be positive.Just think about happy thoughts and picture yourself with a healthy and beautiful baby in your arms.And you will have one soon.

Also try to meditate if you can.(I have a hard time)or listen to Gayatri mantra.It has a very calming effect on me.

Thats it for now.It was good to hear from you and I am glad you shared your feelings with me.Feel free to write to me.I will reply as soon as I can.

Take care and Good Luck.

Ms.Positive

hello miss.positive,
true .... true... the same reason why i didnt see Rishona 1st my bp was going absolutly haywire before and after the deliv and i sudenly had turned numb felt stupid,guilty,angry and wanted to run away home ,the day it was confirmed she is no more i felt very dirty beleive me i felt like a living tomb carrying a dead... i wanted to be out of it and return to my cocoon ( i dont know where u are from) in India a still birth or child loss is not talked about at home none of my family till date has ever mentioned her not even my husband and my sil when ever this topic is broached hushes it up ..i constanly feel as she is a grat insult or may be a matter of great embarassment for all.what happened then and now too everything boils inside me ( my husband is least bothered even to discuss these things...he gets v angry )... i end up getting sleepless bouts where i end up sleeping just 2 or 3 hrs a day and be a zombie for the rst of the time.But i am always expected to act normally and be my cheerfull self !!! irony of being a woman...
this is our 1st month of trying and i am already freaked out what if my periods come....we did all we could do this whole month but still that gutt feeling says better luck next time ( again somehow it has not affected my husband ) this is what pains me
well lets keep our fingers cross and let all ttc mothers get the happy news asap
its always a pleasure talking to you do keep in touch
love and hugz
sudha