hi,

well i miscarried my baby few months back,it was very upsetting...somehow gradually by time im coming out of great sorrow...but problem is some people cant have peace.when they meet me they say such stupid things that i feel like crying.
A few days back my own bhabhi is asking my mother when am i trying for next child.What has doctor said...or when i lost my child my brother said its good that i have lost a abnormal baby otherwise life would have been pain and hell.though they have full sympathetic attitude towards me but i dont want to answer anything.I dont like my bhabhi asking my mother tht when am i planning again..whats her problem.she should mind her own business.

my mom says she dosent know,but insisde she feels sad for me..anyways im very upset because of my relatives behavior..y cant they forget all this and y do they need to ask about my condition...simply to pitify me.... K.Radha replied. Hi There,

Well meaning people are often the ones who seem to cause the most upset, that is especially true in your case. With regards to your bhabhi I think she is asking your mother questions because she might think it' s less hurtful than asking you herself. As for asking at al, she probably just cares. It is natural that your family are upset for you and would like to see you return to your former happy self, explainations from your brother about this being for the best is his way of trying to give reasons to make what happened ok. This is true of almost every hurtful thing you will hear, well meaning people struggling to try to help often say things that cause pain without ever knowing it.

It sounds like you have a close family so why don' t you consider talking with them. Explain that this is a sensitive topic and you' d prefer that they' d not discuss it, assert that this is something that happened to YOU. It is YOUR pain, YOUR child and YOUR future THEY are talking about and it is making matters worse for your emotionally by revisiting a painful moment everytime they bring it up.

The subject of child loss is always so hush hush. People don' t want to hear about it really and they' ll cut you off with comments like it was for the best or you can try again fogetting that this loss is one you will never ever forget. If you' ve lived through loosing a baby you learn hard and fast that after the initial sympathy, people just want you to ' get over it' , have another child and move on to happier things. Many think another child can replace the one you lost and we find ourselves posting on forums going insane from the attitudes around us. But... if you think back to those first days, forgetting the silly comments, we often find that there were times that the same people who cause upset now were our greatest supports. You just need to tap into that same sympathy and re-explain how things are now.

I am sure that you are not the same person you were some months back and I wouldn' t be surprised to hear that your family yearn to have their happy daughter back but that will never be so. You will be happy again but never quite the same and they need to hear that. When everyone is dealing with the person you were then instead of the person you are now it is bound to cause problems... All I can suggest is that you try very hard to sit people down and explain things.

Failing that can you not talk to your mum and have her speak to others on your behalf? Remember that it takes time to get over a loss like this and it is one that you' ll struggle with on & off for your whole life. Don' t let resentment of others attitudes turn you against people who really do care. All the best!!!