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Money Matters:Charitable husbands (I call them Finance Ministers
2009-02-04
Name: S S I thought I was the only one facing this problem. I guess many women are facing the so called problem of Charitable husbands ie Finance Ministers....

They think that they have to solve everyone financial problems...except their families.....if the wives object of say anything we are treated like doormats....

Will this ever stop...No ladies...we have to work our way around it....
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2009-02-08
#1
Name: namita
Subject:  very true
the method that u have adopted of not talkiing about charity does that really work .inspite of not talking does he still do charity.my husband will not do some household expenses sometimes and still at that time he will have money for charity .this is what irritates me.i dont know what to do. have left everything in god' s hand and moving forward with life.
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2009-02-09
#2
Name: SS
Subject:  reply to namita´ s msg feb8th
hi -

you know any method we adopt...it will not stop them from doing what they want to do....(thats why i decided to not make myself unhappy....and have just left it like that only)

i am not sure if you handle the monthly bills at home? if you do then pay extra money on bills...so it covers the next month also...that way you are not worried about the next months bill....
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2009-02-06
#3
Name: namita
Subject:  sailing in the same boat
i think we are sailing in the same boat. i am never against charity . we all should do charity and try to help others AS MUCH AS OUR FINANCIAL CONDITION PERMITS. but to go beyond that is STUPIDITY. i totally agree with ss . wvwn i am waiting for the day when my husband will need money and when the same people will snub him who he helped then i will have the last laugh. as a wife i should' nd be wishing like this for my husband but when will he understand.what i want to know is when u tell thwm what is their reaction. my husband has stopped talking if i fight. is tthe same case with u guys. how do u handle the situation. maybe we can learn something about each other' s experiences. do reply and take care.
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2012-04-16
#4
Name: Dipti
Subject:  Finance ministers!
I am proud to say that i have taken that position basically with lot of opposition from my husband!!

He earns the money from our compoany and he MUST discuss with me on company expenses and home expenses and even show the quotes then together we agree to pay for the items we have agreed.

Ooh, belive me this was NOT easy to arrive at. It is NOT easy to carry out even now, we would have no talking days coz i would ask him why did u volunteer to donate without discussing.

But if u can, try to get gim to hand over the cash to u
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2009-02-06
#5
Name: SS
Subject:  reply to namita (part 3)
ya even my husband stops talking to me and all....so i was getting very tired of all this ...

now i dont even talk about his relatives....let him do what he wants...actually the best thing is dont bring up their topic only...you must show that it doesnt bother you....

if you have any suggestions also....please feel free to give me ideas...

i have done the above and it has worked.....my fried who is my mothers age almost told me " dont let him bring down your shinning spirit" ......just say yes...yes ...yes....and keep quite...

because men are men their egos are too higher than the coconut tree....they always think that their wives dont want them to help others....my hubby says if he doesnt help his relatives then for what he is working....(can you imagine this nonsense)
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2009-02-06
#6
Name: SS
Subject:  reply to namita msg feb6th - (part 2)
you know i got tired of the daily fights and arguments....always it is all my fault......i have been married for 7 years now....

you know i have started collecting cash on a quite...keep a couple notes aside everytime he gives you cash....dont tell him you collect this....

and also you know try to buy gold for yourself....get lic policy etc....(if you´ ll have a financial consultant..try to talk to him/her and see if they can suggest all this to your husband....)

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2009-02-06
#7
Name: SS
Subject:  reply to namita´ s msg of Feb 6th - (part 1 reply)
I also agree with giving charity. Give it to prphanage, give it to people who dont have food, give it to kids who can use money for books etc. God will bless us if we help people in need.

We have given over a lakh+ to these relatives of his...and still they are trying their best to extract from hubby.

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2009-02-05
#8
Name: rm
Subject:  yes,my hubby is same
i was thinking, only my hubby behaves like this.although i also do some charity but he is too much.some time he doesnt not care that person is deserving or not.as other come to know about his nature they recomand his name to others for money which is sometime too much.moreover my mil is also same and our maids take her for granted.
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2009-02-06
#9
Name: ss
Subject:  my story
hubbys relatives will keep asking indirectly.....it starts like this...we dont have money for operation, this medicine is so costly....etc etc....their kids/kids-wives dont want to take responsibility of aging parents....

okay its fine to help...but we cant take responsibility ......i asked my hubby one day that you are helping so your relative must put your name in his WIll...as you should get a share in his property....

you know i am waiting for that day to come when hubby needs money..then i am going to see if they give one 50 paise also....

that day i will laugh out so loudly.....

i know how these money suckers are ...if people have money they will be like fevicol..when we dont have money no one will look at you also....
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2009-02-06
#10
Name: SS
Subject:  reply to RM & Namita
Hello Ladies-

I totally agree with what namita has to say.

Also RM....how much also we will tell them know..we are the bad wives..thats why let them learn....till then keep on saving a couple of bills here and there on a quite for ourselves...

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2009-02-04
#11
Name: namita
Subject:  charitable husbands
even the finance minister would think about his own house before the country.i think men like these comprise only 1 % 0f the total population and it is unfortunate that they are our partners . what kind of problem are u facing . as far as my case is concerned this time i have put my foot down and result is we are not on talking terms since the last 2 months and tnat is fine by him.he will not make the first move .i only have to do it. sometimes i don' t undrstand what to do. most of the time we are fighting because of this and our relationship has gone for a toss
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2013-01-02
#12
Name: DA
Subject:  Reply to namita s msg
Hi namita, i too hav the same problem.. Even bigger.. I liv in a joint family with a mil. Married sis in law with a 10 yr old daughtr who stays with us permanently and refuses to go to her inlaws as she doesnt feel to stay there(is this a reason to stay at ur parents house aftr ur marriage?) a unemployed bro in law who s married n for al dis my husband earns n gives the income to his mother. I get nominal amt of pocket money n wen i ask for more, he says to stop spending. We fight n argue n also hav stopped talking fr past 2 mnths.. Relationship has gone for a toss. He gives money to his sister n she spends freely. His mom s da finance minister at home. She doesnt tel her daughter or grand dayghtr to control their expenses. It only applies on me.. M totally fed up.
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2009-02-04
#13
Name: ss
Subject:  reply to namitas msg of feb 4th
hi -

i tried replying to you..but it says some site thing..they will review the message...

so let me see if it comes thru...otherwise will reply again...

take care
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Charitable husbands (I call them Finance Ministers


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Last 7 Posts of this Board
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