Alarming situation, enough is enough!
I am shocked and surprised at the revelations of your wife' s behavior. I have a feeling that by her life style and behavior within and outside the family, she has already rendered your family into a dysfunctional one. Interests, psychological growth and future of your children are being adversely affected everyday. If not your daughter, your son definitely understands what is going on in the family. He/they may even have a few clues to the wayward behavior of your wife. In your next post please describe your relationship with your children, do they share an emotional bond with you or are they just growing up on their own, the parents being only providers? Do you for example know if your son has girl friends?
Now I must address your concern of your children' s interests and the secrets of your wife: I must tell you that they are in absolute risk as of now because their sense of morality cannot develop under the present situation, they may even be blaming you for not taking action on your wife for her \" morally wrong\" behavior. You need to give a scope and opportunity to your children to live in a ' normal' household where rights and wrongs are well defined. What if your son brings a girl friend home and does what he ' knows' his mother may be doing in a nondescript flat in Gurgaon? Forgive me for painting this horror story. What if, your daughter also knows what all father and brother knows about the mother?
Now why is your wife able to do all these? Because you have chosen to keep things secret thereby saving her prestige at home. She is enjoying a superior position of a ' parent' at home thereby she is able to abuse not just you and your mother but also your children. Its like a bad boss in an office on whom administration has not taken action for a long time for being bad! So the boss continues and turns worse. Thereby the moral of the subordinates too suffer, in the process the office becomes bad in the eyes of the clients/suppliers all stakeholders.
Your wife is happily enjoying the shield of being a married woman with children who study and perform fantastically. Enjoying good reputation among her clients and also using her so called profession as yet another shield to do all her manmani and bunga-bunga parties may be! All these because YOU are shielding her. You need to STOP doing that, you need to EXPOSE her. I can hardly suggest how but I will share with you what I would do, I were in your position.
But before that I need to understand your ' social support system' . Do you have siblings? Brother, sister and their families with whom you can discuss this without the risk of they abandoning you and your children? Or good long time family friends with whom you can open up? I would find one and discuss, in your situation. If I were in your shoes, I would also slowly but surely discuss with my son about what he knows and thinks. Next I would find and consult a lawyer about the situation and seek advise as to how laws of the land can help me. I may even consider employing a private detective to find answers to all that ' I do not know' but I have suspicions about. You now need a multi-prong-attack to save yourself and your children from this chuRail at home. You need your children with you, and all the extended family with you as you take help from law armed with evidence gathered by paid agencies.
This MARRIAGE is a NOOSE to you and your children. You need to attack in self defense. I welcome your reaction, even if you reject what I am saying I would welcome that. Write in details what all is going on in your mind.