Relationships  Discussion Forum

I recently got married and i having alot of trouble in my marriage. My husband and I constantly fight and I have such a bad temper. I fight with him in front of ppl and when we are laone I get physical with him when we fight. I feel as though I go insane when I get angry and I do not know how to control myself.
I get angry most of the time because I feel like my husband does not put my as a priority in his life. His parents came to live with for the first 4 months of our marriage and ever sicne then we have just been aruging. They have left now but my anger has not. I feel like he has not put in effort into this marriage. I guess I had all these dreams when i got married and i fell as though none of them have come true.

I need to control my anger. I feel as though I am ruining my marriage with the way I am acting. Does anybody have any advice for me? Sanyokta replied. Whenever you feel angry just control your maind and count 1 to 10 or 1 to 100 and whenever he shouts you sing a song just do it! replied. Anger usually arises from unfulfilled expectations... Like you expect your spouse to say 'I love you' so many times and when he/she dosen't say it you get angry. What you need to do is re-evaluate if your expectaions are realistic......
I read a nice piece about marrige somewhere, it goes like this:
'We get married thinking marrige is the solution to all our problems and start expecting all sorts of fancy ideas from marriage. When in reality marriage is like an empty box .... we need to put in a lot of goodies into it before we start to take out of it. We should always remember to put in more than we take out, otherwise the box gets empty and there is nothing left for anyone to take out....'
So I suggest you also consider your spouse's expectations....
And please let us not make it a male-female issue... the credit of a successful/failed marriage lies on both the husband and the wife equally!!!
All the best. sashikala replied. hi!
i have 2daughters & a son all of them r married my elder daughters in-laws take care of her very well but they don't like to send her to my house (even for my son's marriage) my younger daughter & my son got married on th same day my 2nd son-in-law is a gem & my son is a very reserved type he likes to spend time at home after working for a whole week he wants to spend his weekend at home but my daughter-in-law wants him to take her out etc.,she compares with my 2nd daughter . as she gets fustrated staying at home all th time she loses her patience very soon & yell at my son fight for every petty issue.u must b wondering y i'm telling u all this .i'm telling this caz i bought a change in her & my son
as she was new to US she had no friends & was depending on her hubby for everything so i took her to th library
shopping malls, small walk etc., when ever we were free & at th same time i explained my son that he must take her out & spend some time alone & that she must b missing her parents & th love & support given bye her husband & his fly should make her forget abt her fly
she should have love for her parents but should not miss them.
so i would suggest u to talk to ur husband abt ur feeling i'm sure he'll listen &go out make friends ,meditate do some workouts keep urself busy
when u get angry think abt ur parents
remember how they asked u to behave
with ur husband.experement new receipes give him all th love u can let him understand ur feelings .u can b a nice mom if ur a responsible wife
build up ur fly ur in-laws will not b there for ever so just adjust if they r a fussy . when ur hubby is adjusting with ur short tempered character so u 2 can adjust with ur in-laws for some time .listen 2 ur in-laws if they say something gud otherwise pretend to b deaf .b patient ur hubby might not know what u want so talk talk talk
he might b different frm others all th 5 fingers r not equal .u & ur hubby might not have th same likes & dislikes or th same thoughts so adjustment,patience, sacrifice & love
that is what a successful married life requires

goodluck juvinile replied. I dont understand one thing.. such type of issues should not at all be only \";women's issues\"; Either there should be a new forum for this or it should be discussed with men too. If you see all the girls that have replied here have the same story to tell and no one really knows the answer. You should remember that men and women are two different species, with two different mind sets By discussing it here you wouldnt get any male viewpoint. why does a husband act is such a way as he did. Since you cannot discuss it with your own husband because of risk of a quarell again. you can talk to some other husbands about his which might be in the same situation as your husband. That is only if you want a solution and not just lighten your load. I had once tried to answer one such question here and some lady shouted at me that i was not allowed here in this room. Anyway please think over my point. Deetee replied. If you live in the US, I urge you to go to your local library and get some books on anger management. These books will help you in how to deal with anger, how to avoid getting in such situation, self-help, self-control therapy, interpersonal relationships. I am hopeful that you will learn a great deal and will get through this.


Mona replied. I am in the same boat or rather was in the same boat...My FIL came to stay with us just after 5 months of my marriage. I really had a tough time...more so, because, my MIL had passed away before we got married & my FIL's expectations were high from my husband - he being the only son. My husband too was/is extremely dedicated to him. I was very frustrated to realize that my FIL took away all the attention & love that I should have got from my husband at that time - coz I was a newly wed. To say the least, all my dreams were shattered just coz of the father-son attachment. My husband is really nice & he loves me lot & cares for me a lot but till today, I have a very strong feeling that my husband's love for me is not as unconditional as mine is..he still thinks about me or judge me based on how I treat my FIL or how I behave with me...to me my FIL still interferes in my husband's love for me. although he is far far away in India but his impact is still there in my life.... Rohini replied. Hi,
A girl has many dreams and ideas abt her marriage but most of the times after marriage one faces the harsh reality that everything is not that goody-goody as one had imagined.It is more difficult to come to terms with that if your IN-LAWS stay with u just after your marriage.A girl needs to have atleast a few months alone with her hubby after marriage inorder to first atleast know her hubby well and get adjusted with him.In your case I presume u did not get that time just after your marriage.And u r not wrong when u expect to be the top priority of your hubby atleast now when u have just started your married life.So I would suggest to u to have patience and talk to your husband abt the way u feel without being abusive and most importantly just take a small vacation from your daily routine....take a trip,go somewhere else and enjoy and remember that your hubby also needs time to understand u.Hope this helps.... chinni replied. hi new bride
i got married in feb03 & i was kool till i was in my in-laws house .then we came to U S in march frm then i fight for every petty things with my husband he is a very soft person & never says a single word . & i know very well that i'm testing his patience
my parents have suggested me many things & i promise myself that i'll never fight again my noway i can controll my anger . at times i feel very guilty to face my hubby
i was not this worst b/fore my marriage .my in-laws r also very nice ppl & they don't know abt my behaviour my hubby dose'nt have any bad habits (smoking drinking etc.,} he comes home early frm th office just to spend time with me .but i'll raise some topic & make a big mess .i'm really worried
i love my husband & to maintain a succesful married life i need to control my temper. same problem replied. hi!
New Bride xxx replied. Keep a small book always with you. So whenever you get angry, immediately say you want to go to the bathroom ( or something else, try to get out ) and write in the small book all that you are feeling. Write everything (anger, frustration, etc ) that comes to your mind.