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Womens Issues:Plz help
2007-08-17
Name: Simran I regularly read this board..Today I need some support. I am 24 yrs and married for close 4 months now Initially after I met my hubby I felt like the most luckiest to have got a very bright, smart & caring husband. He is a winner in every thing he does. I am an avg girl with good looks and good family background. Hamara affair about 2.5 years take chala and after that we get married Later, as we got to know each other..I was not happy with a few of his habits which I raised objections to & he seems to be having this superiority complex & refers me as a looser anytime we have an argument, and woh saari baaton ke liye mujhe blame kar dete hain I am also a working womes but he does not like this he told me a number of times to leave the job. But i dont want to cut my hands by leaving the job at least i dont want to be financial dependent.since he is very highly paid he looks down upon me..

he never understands what my needs are (emotionally .. . otherwise he takes care of my other needs). It is very clear from his behaviour that he is very much dissatisfied with me but i didnt said this clearly.he always said that he wants to live with me even i also want this but woh chahte hain ki main unke sath bhi rahun and unke rules and regulations follow karun aur woh main try krti bhi hun but hamesha aisa nahi hota na. kabhi kabhi mujhe bahut suffocating sa feel hota hai. aur main unke temperament se bahut pareshan hun jab woh gusse mein hote hain to kuchh dhyan nahi rakhte.....shaadi ke bad 2 months mein woh mujhe 2 baar maar bhi chuke hain.

Someone plz... advice me what would i do...
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2008-01-15
#1
Name: Nams
Subject:  hi
mine is a gmail id

nams.help
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2007-11-22
#2
Name: Nams
Subject:  i can help
i think i can help u as i was in same situation for almost 1 1/2 yrs. of marriage, it was hell for me .. evn mine was love marriage bt now it is changed ... i find most of ur situation like me ..... can u chat live, tht is better to undrstnd the porb.and give solution
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2008-01-14
#3
Name: Simran
Subject:  hello
Hi nams,

wanted to talk to you. plz...give me your mail id.

simran
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2007-09-14
#4
Name: Be Bold
Subject:  Sorry for the late reply.
sorry for replying so late Simran , was tied up n something and could not vist the website.

Wel, do one thing, when ur FIL instructs you to do anything or not to do anyting, just say OK to your FIL and ASK UR HUBBY what should be done. by this, tum apne FIL ka dil rakh logi and you will even show some respect to your husband' s opinions and decisions. If your act is against the FIL' s instructions, then u can point at ur hubby and say he told me to do that )

a little curt soltion, but try it out...
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2007-10-05
#5
Name: Simran
Subject:  Thanks
Hi there,

sab kuchh waise hi chal raha hai we stop consulting the marriage counselor becoz mujhe uska koi fayda nazar nahi aa raha tha.

Beech mein kuchh dino tak sab kuchh thik chala but after some days sab kuchh pehle jaisa hi ho gaya.

Becoz baar baar kehne par bhi mere hubby apna temper control nahi kar paate aur jhagda bad jataa hai he doesn´ t like my parents at all and expected my complete devotion towards his parents.i really cant understand how to tackle him.

by the way where do you live.

please reply

bye....
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2007-10-01
#6
Name: Be Bold
Subject:  Hello
Hi Simran,

How are things now? Can I contact you by any ways?
If not, is there anything I can help you in?

Do write back.
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2007-09-14
#7
Name: Simran
Subject:  Thanks
Hi,

Thanks for your suggestion dear.baat sirf itni hi nahi hai in last many days bahut kuchh aisa hua jiske wajah se hamara relation bilkul edge par aa gaya hai and to save it we are taking help of a marriage counselor........lets see what will happen.....hope for the best.

Simran
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2007-08-24
#8
Name: Be Bold
Subject:  re
Hope you guys have sorted out. All the best!
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2007-08-24
#9
Name: Simran
Subject:  thanks
Hi be bold,

And thanks for your concern..... i am trying to sort out the things...and one thing i noted is he has a great problem with my parents he doesn´ t want me to involve with my parents at all....

anyways lets hope for the best.....i wish ki wo normally behave karne lage.

thanks for supporting me morally.

and keep in touch.
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2007-08-23
#10
Name: Be Bold
Subject:  re
Good Simran,

Keep up the hopes, am sure you yourself will find a way out... Its good that you shared your problem here, at least you will feel a bit light and have some space in your mind to find a solution.

Dotn worry , everything will be alright... wait for your turn to come.

do keep in touch.
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2007-08-30
#11
Name: Simran
Subject:  confused
hi,

After a long time i am back.thanks for advises i am trying to follow them and it gives me some relief also, but i noted one thing that whenever my hubby do a chat with his parents(my in laws)tabhi hum dono ka kisi na kisi baat par jhagda hota abhi recently maine jab apne FIL se baat ki to he starts instructing me about do´ s and don´ ts and i agreeably said hanji hanji(yes I´ ll do that ) and then suddenly he said that what hanji hanji i don´ t like this kind of language. Seriously i really don´ t know that in this conversation maine kya galat keh diya ya kya misbehave kar diya after that when i asked my hubby to confirm about where my fault is then he said (ki tum bado ki baaton ko aise hi pakad ke baithe raho)i don´ t know whether i am right or wrong but jab mere hubby mere parents ki chhoti si baat ke peeche mujhe wahan jane se manaa kar sakte hain to unhe ye itna bura kyun laga aur jabki maine koi aisa issue nahi banaya tha i just want to know that where i was wrong.

jahan tak mujhse ho sakta hai main apne ILs se kam hi bat karti hun but my hubby forced me to do that.

Please suggest me that what should i do.....

i am waiting for your reply..
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2007-08-22
#12
Name: Be Bold
Subject:  Ignore!!
Simran,
Do one thing.
If he doesnt like your religiousness, for few days, stop being religious in front of him...jaise hi woh bahar chale jaate hain, you can do your own stuff... baat baat par tokne mardo ki aadat hoti hain, they think their wife is the dumbest person in the world!!! for few days... ask him and do everything... i can understand that this will be difficult for few days, but at this moment, your marriage is the most important thing in your life, right?

if you go out together, hold his hands and ask him what is the reason that he is getting so upset all the time? may be he has some other tension which he is not able to explain/talk with you. or he must be getting upset because of the fights between you both, because of which he is bahaving like that..

Try and understand his side of say also... make him to talk openly with you. If he says you are interfering or anything like that, or he again starts yelling, tell him that you love him and want him all the time...

DONT lose your faith in each other. if you think he has hidden your marriage documents, casually ask him where he has kept it. You just wanted them to be filed properly. tell him clearly that you have got few of them and you have kept them properly... this will help him in understanding you... if he finds out that you have taken those documents without his notice, it will again create a problem.. be upfront yaar, dont worry, he' s just a human being, koi rakshas to nahi hain na!!

if he yells at you, what does he expect from you? To give him a smile??? then give him a smile aur man mein gali dekar khatam karo... but if he abuses in front of anybody, tell him, explain him that it has hurt you...

JUST BE AS CALM AS POSSIBLE

Keep in touch.
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2007-08-22
#13
Name: Simran
Subject:  Thanks
Hi,

Thanks for your reply dear......and he knows very well that i have had some of those documents .in fact when i asked him that i have to show some of them to someone he himself handed over some of those to me and after finishing my work i return those to him........and for other ones (neither he gives me nor told me that where are the documents) i leave everything upon him ........if he wants to give them back then its good otherwise doesn´ t matter.........but i have no more stamina to fight for them....

but from my side whatever i can do to save this relation i will do and I´ ll try my level best to save this relation.... rest is up to him. .. .... .bcoz i don´ t want to break this relation.......

Now what is going on in his mind i don´ t know anything about that but the thing i am sure for is my SIL is not a good lady

she is playing double game between us........in front of my hubby she behaves very nicely and takes his side for everything and in every matter...and in front me she takes my side.....she is not living with us but i am sure that hubby chats with daily and after that he deletes her number and sms from his cell...she never wants to look us happy and doesn´ t show this....

but if i tell this to my hubby he never believes on me.....

Anyway if my hubby starts supporting me then i don´ t care about anybody....

thanks for your reply again and keep in touch.......
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2007-08-22
#14
Name: Simran
Subject:  Thanks
Hi,

Thanks dear....thanks for your reply apka reply padkar kahin na kahin ek umeed si hui hai ki main apna relation bachaa sakti hun.....and i´ ll try my level best to save this relation........ and he knows very well that i have some of those documents.in fact when i asked him for those documents(photos) to show someone, he himself handover it to me, and after that i return it to him.

so aisa nahi hai ki iske baare mein unhe nahi pataa but when i asked about other things then he said that leave some topics as they are........ and after that i didn´ t said anything about those documents.

Now rest is up to him. what is going on in his mind i don´ t know anything about that.... but the one thing i am sure about is My SIL is not a good lady she is playing double game between us. In front of my husband she behaves very sweetly and in front of me she always takes my side.she is not living with us...but my hubby regularly have a chat with her and after that he deletes her number and sms from his cell phone.

Anyway if my hubby starts supporting me then i dont care about anybody.

waiting for your reply.........

Keep in touch..........

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2007-08-22
#15
Name: chahak
Subject:  suggestion
simran...an advise..very simple to follow.....i have faced all this....

JUST IGNORE HIM FOR THE TIME BEING...AND STOP THINKING ABT ALL THIS.INDULGE IN A HOBBY FOR A WEEK OR SO,,,SUB KUCH NORMAL HO JAYEGA...

THEY DONT LIKE NAGGING AND OVER IMPOSING WIVES,,,YE SAB SHADI KEY PEHLEY HI THEEK LAGTA HAI.

APNEY AAP KO BUSY KAR LO KUCH WAQT KEY LIYE...AUR PHIR DEKHO..HE WILL BE NORMAL.
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2007-08-22
#16
Name: Simran
Subject:  thanks
Hi,

Thanks for your reply and i will try to do the same.

but ek bat jo mujhe pareshan kar rahi hai ki unhone wo documents (related to our marriage) wapis nahi kiye to kya main us baare mein bat na karun.

please suggest me.
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2007-08-21
#17
Name: Be Bold
Subject:  Be strong and face it all
Simran,

I understand your feelings and the phase you are going through. Every girl has to go through all this at some point of time.
First thing i would suggest is:
RELAX. Take a deep breath and say to yourself,\" If I am not doing anything wrong, why should I be punished / beaten / or treated the way he is treating\" You said, you did not like few of his habits which you talked to him about but he does not want to change them. At this point of time, I would suggest you to ignore all his habits which you dont like. If he smokes, you give him a cigarette and tell him to have it. At least you will feel good that he is listening to you! :)

I understand, that you are worried about him and I do not know which habits of his upset you, but IGNORE them for few months, I would say - years!!

He is asking you to quit the job. PLEASE DO NOT QUIT AND SIT AT HOME. unko agar lagta hain, ki he is superior to you, then OK... its his faith and belief... you dont have to prove your capacity and ability to him.

Now things are going wrong, so change yourself like he wants...once he has developed faith in you, try to solve and then change his habit one at a time. tum agar unko kahogi, mujhe aapke yeh yeh habits(1,2,3,4....) acche nahi lagte, then he will think, that you are trying to dominate him. And let me tell you one thing, EVERY person has a self respect and EGO. this is his EGO which you are trying to hurt, so just FORGET about his habits. These habits are not developed in one day right, you must be knowing them right from the beginning!! So, consider yourself the same lovers, and try and ignore each others habits which you dont like..

AT LEAST FOR TIME BEING!!! LET EVERYTHING FALL IN PLACE AGAIN, AND THEN YOU CAN START ONE AT A TIME.
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2007-08-21
#18
Name: Simran
Subject:  i´ ll try
hi,

thanks for your reply.actually he did´ nt smoke and drink but unki kuchh habits jaise baat baat par tokna and chhotti chhotti baaton ka issue banaa dena etc. aur unhe mera religious hona bhi pasand nahi hain ye sab baatein mujhe kharab lagti hain wo mujhe baat baat par dant dete hain and after that expect karte hain ki mere expressions normal rahe aur agar main kehti hun ki i need some time to normalize myself to unhe aur gussa aa jata hai.aur ab to unhe bahut important documents (related to our marriage) mujhe bina bataaye kahin chuppa diye un mein se kuchh to maine aaj le liye hain and i hope baki bhi wo de de. but hum dono ka vishwas ek dusre par se uth chuka hai. please i need your suggestion that what should i do. i don´ t want to be separate. plz plz help me.

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2007-08-18
#19
Name: Swapna
Subject:  unable to get
Simran

Im quite unable to follow precisely what you' ve written coz a lot of it seems to be in hindi which I don' t speak. But ,i' d like to tell you one thing - never quit your job. Financial independence is toooooo important for a woman these days. all the best and hope things work out well for you.
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2007-08-17
#20
Name: vikram
Subject:  reply
hi i m vikram and my behaviour with my wife was same as u describe but i never rais hand on my wife it is a weekness of a hubby who rais hand on his wife but when time passed and i became father of a girl child my behaviour changed and i started to take care of my wife emotionally as well as physicalli and she is happy now just tell ur hubby that to rais hand on his wife is weekness not the strength of a husband our is not a society that we change our wife /husband regularly so take care and ur hubby will be urs as time passed and remember never think of quit ur job u are having golden hands
thax take care and be happy
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