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I have been married for 7 years and have a 1.5 year old. My in-laws are always into our business and how we need to do things, how I should dress, talk, cook and set up my house and raise my child. My husband takes their side and always puts me down and doesnt believe me. My parents have begged for their forgivness on several occasions because my in-laws and husband have taken almost every piece of conversation they have ever had out of proportion. My in-laws and husband believe that my parents should watch what they say beause they are the boys family and they because they are boys family they should be treated a certain way by them and everyone in my family. I have never seen such in-laws or a husband in my life. I have grown up with family around and cousins getting married and I see how their husbands are with us and how their family is. No expectations from them at all, but with my in-laws they have too may expectations from everyone. My husband belives everything they say and does what ever they want, include insulting my parents to their face. I have had enough but now I have a chld in the picture. My parents are very upset but they tell me that I need to become strong and win my husband over, but I have tried and it is not going to work as long as my in-laws continue to interfere in our lives. I don't feel it is fair that I should show all the respect in the world to my in-laws but my parents and family are treated like dirt. I have been thinking a lot of divorce. I am very scared and especially scared of losing my son in the process. My in-laws having asking to take my son back to India, I have told them no and my husband stays quiet. I don't know what to do anymore. I love my husband but I don't feel like I can continue in this marriage if he doesnt support me and give my parents some respect like I have given his. abx replied. Hi torn,
I have gone thro ur entire message board many times, and i know ur situation as well. U too must have seen my problems under the \";desperate \";topic. I find many similarities in ur case and my case. First of all is \";our (girls') parents issue. There was a stage in my life, when my
fil said to my parents\"; get out of my house\"; and i was in my final month of preg when all this happenned. Can u imagine the amount of mental torture that i must have undergone, during my preg. But after that episode, my mom very strictly decided, not to enter those dirty people's house anymore, She decided and still so far my parents have not stepped into their house. Like ur in laws even my in laws kept on saying \";is this what ur parents taught u\";. And when i revolted my hubby used to yell at me. In the beginning i too was very very meek and just digested everything and the ill treatments done to my parents, for the sake of the peace in my family. But at a certain stage i realised that the more humble we become, the more they dominate us. Anyways i have very little hopes that the realtion ship between my in laws and my parents would improve. But atleast now a days, when ever i hear any sarcastic comments about my parents, i immediately put a full stop to it, directly even to my fil sometimes. I just told my fil\"; the realtionship between my parents and u all is already spoiled, and now even my parnts don't have any contacts with u, nor are they interefering in any of our day to day affairs, so why should u be dragging my father for each and everything. Please stop talking about my parents in any of ur conversation herafter. Please forget about my parents fully. They are doing any harm to u all\";. And after that my in laws and even my husband (touch wood, so far) have not spoken a word about my parents again. I told my hubby \";if u drag my parents name in any of the issues, so will i\"; so its better for both of us to stop talking about our parents.\";
So though there isn't any cordial relationship between the 2 families, atleast my parents, aren't taking any moe shit from my in laws. EVerybody ius confined to their own familiies, and not bothred about the opponenet. U get what i say. So herafter wheever ur in laws or hubby talk anything about ur parents, just ask them to put a full stop to all this. After all why should our paretns take so much of shit from these people. U must become a little bit more brave, and face the consequences.
Initially even i tried to remain silent, and never reacted to anything they all said, but now i have decided to revolt even if my life becomes a mess. What's going to happen, at the most, after all their parents can't get us divorced from our husband. So let us also revolt back, sometimes, without worrying about the consenquences. So far i have tried it in my life, and atleast 60% of the times, i succeed, though i undergo a lot of mental torture and stress due to all this. But i have decided to live up with it, but at least see to it that my parents aren't humiliated any more.
Hope it helps. bye and keep in touch Worried replied. Hello Torn,

I am shocked to know that your home condition has only worsened not become better. If I remember right you had mentioned that you have become stronger in just reading the message boards and have tried to use some of the advice posted here......then what went wrong?You must let us know what exactly is happening and mebbe someone out here can help. If you are scared to put anything here then let me have an email id where we may chat but on this board you will get much better and more perspectives but you must write and get it out of your system.

Waiting to hear from you. Torn replied. Hello Neha and all my friends, how is everyone? Things are the same and somewhat worse and I really don't know what else I can do.

Divorce is a big step and you have to think really hard before you take such steps. I know that I have thought about many times and have stepped back for the sake of my children. I don't really know if that is the right decision or not but for now I am too scared to take this step.

Unfortunatley I am unable to offer you any advice because my own advice has not worked for me. All I can say is be strong and if you are right then don'[t give up and fight for it.

Many people have posted some good advice on this board, I hope you read it and get something from it.

All the best. Neha replied. Torn in Two I cannot believe that I can see that we both have the same problems. I thought I was the only one in the world who was going through this shit in this day and time . My friends all tell me that divorce is the only way to solve this problem, but it is big step from where you cannot come back. Can you tell me what you are doing to live through this misery?? Please let me know. Torn replied. Hi Worried and all my new friends - I have been reading this site and silently replying.

Things are going as usual...problems as always, interferance and brain washing as always. I have given up on any hope that things will change and just take it as one day at a time.

I hope everyone else is doing better. Looking forward to your replies. Maybe we should start another post as this is getting so long. Worried replied. Hello everybody on this post where are you.....?

Hope all is well no one has posted a single message for a really long time and I was wondering what happened ?

Hope all are fine and hope to see some more messages here soon

Love

A Worried Friend Looking for help replied. My life is v. similar to urs. I hv experienced more or less same pains mentioned by u. My husband was v. much in love with me and would adore me v much.
But the relationship has broken down b'cos of inlaws' interference in our lives and they hv spread bad & lies about me. I really don't know how to break and get the relationship back and get my partner whom i married.
I hv contemplated everything - running away, living apart, divorcee. But i am not for it for my child's sake and all the more bcos i do love my husband. He does'nt want to hv any conversation with me.
What should i do now? Hope ur life is better now? How did cope? I hv taken all routes- medication, counselling. My husband declined to come to counselling.

Worried replied. Hi Girls!

How are you doing? My endless battle with the in-laws continues and right now we are on the ignore -each - other mode! I actually went to their house with my husband on new years day and sat with a VERY stiff face right thru! Ofcourse I spoke and smiled very politely when spoken to and answered questions like I would any stranger on the road! This has apparently irked my husband who ofcourse threw a fit and was told by me that this is exactly the way I am going to be from hereon and there is no way a \";Coward\"; like him has the right to tell me how I should behave and how not! If he had had enough courage to tick of his parents when they were wrong then I would've agreed to every whim of his but as of now he has absolutely no right whatsoever to say anything that he may construe as right or wrong!This said - I must say the dh has really behaved himself ever since!

These silly guys know in their heart of hearts what is right and what is wrong but can't find it in them selves to correct their parents and that is what is soooooo sad! They should all be taken to some kind of counsellor before marriage and let it be hammered into their heads that their wives are to be looked after and protected from one and all including their parents and not be dominated over!

I mean is there no justice for us poor women!We weren't born to have to bear the brunt of inlaw menace!Oops I can write a book on all this already! Jasmine replied. You know your FIL sounds alot like my FIL and MIL. They have played horrid games like this but I wasnt' as strong as you to tell my parents not to call them. I was stupid and scared and my parents have taken so much shit from my in-laws it burns me up everytime I think about it.

I get the same bullshit that we treated her like our daughter and she doesn't give us any respect, blah, blah, blah. I so sick an tired of all of it. Since when has my husband treated my parents with any respect? When have they treated my parents with any respect to deserve any respect back? It is so ridiculous.


I am so sorry that you are going through this. I know it can't be easy because I know it isn't for me at all. Worried replied. Yeah Jasmine you are so right it is probably the time of the year or rather the perennial problem with being married! I findsolace in being able to share my sorrows here and so I keep my sanity going as well!

My inlaws aren't just the pits they are down right mean and horrid! They have played such a dirty game with me that I don't think I will ever find it in my heart to forgive them - I mean EVER! I am so angry and depressed and the worst part of all this is that despite the open challenge that my FIL threw at my mom that he is going to see to it that he seperates us he has been lying about everything ever since - The gall of these guys and then they wanted to be treated with respect!

Just to be able to show me down they played this ego game with me and then brought it to a point where they expected me and my parents to apologise to them and I would have none of it and therefore refused my parent s to speak with them.....to which he lied to his son about how my MOM spoke with him over the phone - All the lies h could think up ......So the dutiful and idiotic son confronts me with the same and I refused to accept blame in my parents name and so went and confronted my FIL with the same stuff and he was unable to answer any of my questions.....Simply because he was th guilty one! Ofcourse in the course of blaming my mom for her words he completely forgot to mention that he had forgotten all his manners and used foul language with a lady and when I reminded him about it he could not even find the guts to acknowledge the fact that he had done the same! These in-laws are all made of the same matter and that is heartless - and the best part is ofcourse that my FIL swore to his dear son that he had always treated me as a daughter and so when I asked him whether his behaviour as of yesterday and today was befitting that of a very loving father he was again lost for words! - But ofcourse he would have told his son otherwise! These Dirty people - I wonder why they can't all be like the girl's parents ! Jasmine replied. Hello girls -

Must be that time of the year!!! It seems that our in-laws are at it again. In my case it is both my in-laws and dear husband whom I really can't understand anymore nor do I have the energy or want to understand them at all.

We are all back in the same boat. I don't know about the both of you but I am so frustrated that I just can not understand it anymore. I am so depressed now the only thing keeping me sane is my child.

How are the both of you? What is going on?

Worried replied. Hey everyone where are you.

My in-laws are the pits just to spite me they are willing to cut their noses but I'm sure they will learn a lesson very soon and repent for the rest of their lives. They are actually bringing in a girl for their younger son whom they know has a bad past and a worse family upbringing......just because they believe they can play her against me. But I'm sure they will be sorry very soon and the best part is that their son - MY DH actually agrees with me on this for once!

How are you girls doing out there?No news for a long time so I presume that you people are doing well! Worried replied. Hi Girls

I have just returned fresh from a holiday with my in laws and very hurt. I can fully well relate to all you girls out there who said that your husbands change everytime their moms are around! My MIL devious as she is smartly managed and I looked thru each and everyone of her moves and could do little about it! She did not even let my baby eat properly cos' she knew that this would hurt me terribly! (We went to their house in their home town)

The end result my husband behaved he did not know me and had this look of scorn on his face and my maid who I had taken along to help me with the baby ended up helping my MIL instead and all her relatives and I was left to do all the work. Not that that helped....she made my life MISERABLE! They all got together and wouldn't let me help my baby who was constipated and in pain! No medicines were allowed to be given and they wouldn't agree to the fact that she was having a problem! End result I just blew up yesterday at my husband and I hate the man to the extent that I feel ashamed that I married such a WIMP! Forget taking care of me He could not even take care of his own flesh and blood! Real to Life @#$!%*@##@!!!!! I cannot believe that after handling him with so much care he turned out the way he did! Torn in Two replied. Hello - I have been reading everyone's responses and discussions since I posted. It hasn't been easy for me but things are improving now slowly. I have taken everyone's advice and learned from everyone's experiences.

It is sad that we have these things in common but at least we all know that we are not alone.

Thank you for your support and advice and sharing your problems and concerns. Worried replied. Hello everyone

How are you doing and dear torn in two you started this board and have disappeared - How are you faring? Hope things are alright amongst the rest of our harried lot!
Worried replied.
Girls , you are so right I can't understand why beneath all the sweetness there is so much of deceit and malicious intent hidden! I am very fed up like you people say there is always that hidden intention to cause a problem in the in-laws minds and it is kind of irritating because they think they are soooo clever and the fact is that they are. My inlaws have been upto their games again and they are so clever with them that I can't even point their games to my husband -simply because their games are so beautifully manipulated. The husband believes that so sweet look at my parents they think so much for us and they can never be wrong but what he doesn't realise is that they are so crooked in their thinking that its not funny anymore.But though it eats me inside I have stuck with my policy of DON'T show any irritation to them as they will only revel in the same. So I show my irrittation in my mood swings etc., which also gets their goat! Ha! Concerned replied. Girls,

I am very unhappy today. Yday my mil was trying to pick up a fight with me...i refused to give in...told her sorry for all her complaints and tried not to make it a fight...But it hurts so much...i'm so depressed! She says that she treats me like a daughter but i dont treat her like my mother. Will our mothers pick on every little thing we do???? How can i think of her a my mother? I dont expect her to treat mw like her daughter(she doesnt anyway). Why do they have to make our lives miserable? She expects me to ask her advice on each and every little thing like, if i should cut this vegetable, how to make a dish etc...my husband expects me to ask too and once in a while if i dont she fights with me saying i dont respect her...i'm tired of living this kind of life where i dont have a right to do what i want in my own kitchen. How unfair!!! But i intend tolerating it for my husband's sake. I feel so uneasy with her. She is very demanding and dominant. Sometimes i just want to give up trying to maintain peace with her. Jasmine replied. Dear Friends -

I hope everyone is doing well. I wanted to thank everyone for their advice. After reading everyone's comments and advice I felt better and I have tried some things. The one thing I do the most is ignore my in-laws when I know it isn't worth my energy to argue with them but then I do say what I want to say without any regret and of course very nicely.

It is a difficult relationship and one when you get married some people have to live with. I just hope that all of us will try our very best to not treat our DIL's the way we have been treated.

Things have changed slightly...don't know exactly how but they have a little. There is a lot of good advice on this page and I hope that everyone can find something that will help them. I would love to stay in touch with everyone.

Take care of yourselves!!! Worried replied. Hey everybody,

Looks like all of you have been busy trying to revise your relationships with your in-laws and there have been no complaints for some time so it sounds good! All the best! aag replied. All dear friends,

After having read all the messages I am now really feeling comforted that I am not he only one to go through all this. I used to think I am the only one who has got such whimsical MIL. I can't even explain what I have gone through and still going through though we are staying now seperately. Her 'beloved son' was ready to stay seperate only if we take a flat just in the next building so that 'his mother' can also see to our daughter (actually I am leaving my daughter in the creche since she was 2 and half months old) and the creche is in the same building where we are now staying. that was the main reason why i was ready to take the flat just in the next building. At least I don't have to see 'her' dirty face as soon as i get up in the morning. Now she just stands at the window and the minute she sees me leaving ( i have to leave at 7.30 a.m.) she will enter my house, she will open my fridge, she will check all my kitchen cabinets, she will check what i have kept where. Now my daughter is 5 years old. My husband can manage very well getting her ready for the school, he can brush her teeth, he also cleans her after she finishes toilet, he gives her bath, gives her breakfast. But his mother thinks he himself is still so small, 'he has got married just 7 yrs. back, how will he manage to do all this plus get himself ready for the office' that is her dialogue. As if i have got married 50 yrs.back. she just wants to interfere and show off in front of the neighbours. As far as opening the fridge and everything is concerned, her son says, 'she just sees it, she is not taking away any of your things'. She will never come to my house whem i am there. but later on she will try to dominate my husband and my daughter. she will tell anything about me to my daughter. such mental torture for me !! did our parents bring us up to face all this ? My father tells me to confront her and to warn her not to enter my house when i am not there. my mother says i should just ignore to keep peace. I don't know what is right.