today i came to know that my best friend had missed miscariage.her baby died between 9 to 10 weeks.she came to know in 12 week when she went for foetal heart sounds .she is in complete shock and cannot beleive that she lost her baby.she is asking me one thing over and over again why did i lose baby?
frankly i do not the medical reason behind this. can anybody tell me .what are her chances of conception after miscarriage?how long she has to wait to conceive?
is there anybody who conceive after miscarriage?

raveena me replied. it happens because of a chromosomal abnormality in the baby. It could be because of the egg or the sperm and can never happen because of something that you did. she can try after another 5 months or whenever she feels ready. misses one almost never recurs. I had one too. shared emotion replied. I honestly believe the best thing you can do for your friend is convince her that asking \";Why?\"; is a painful and futile question. It is one every bereved parent will ask and one every bereved parent will tell you is a dangerously upsetting one. Because there is no reason WHY. Sometimes you can learn HOW your baby died but so few women ever get a concrete answer. For the most part, miscarriage and stillbirth are unexplained.

Your friend, assuming she has no other health issues, will more than likely conceive again. She must give her body time to recover from this loss. No matter how great her need for another child is, her body needs a break. Studies have suggested that conceiving in the first 12 months after a loss leads to more anxiety in a pregnancy than if they waited a full year. Just be there for your friend when she needs you and remember that it will take a long time to move away from this pain. That you allow her to talk freely is the best gift anyone could give. Greif is different for women than men, after the initial pain & hurt men cope better by returning to work and getting on with life.

Women need to cry and greive actively much longer. Women will go over and over the same details and talk again and again of her baby, the pain and how hurt she remains. This is normal and don't feel you should be encouraging her to 'move on' because she will do that when the time is right for her. Loosing a child is followed by a long slow spiral, it is necessary to greive this child, to work through these sad emotions and one day she will feel she has come through the worst of it and suddenly things will be better. You have been the friend that every mother who has lost a child needed... Your friend is very lucky and I think that deserves to be said. raveena replied. hi Aarti,

i have posted reply for u on nov expecting board.thanks for posting .
congratulations for your pregnancy .take care

raveena Aarti replied. Hi raveena,

This is will be one of the worst times of your friend's life. As a friend, one of the things you can do is it give her whatever kind of support she needs. I think you are currently pregnant so even you will have your limitations. Some women want to talk a lot about it, while others need absolute privacy. I wonder what she needs at this time.

In any case, to answer some of your questions. I am not a medical person but went through a missed abortion/stillbirth at 17 weeks. It depends on what her doctor says but it is usually okay to try again in 2-3 cycles. But she will have to get completely checked by her doctor. To make sure all fetal tissue is out and her menstrual periods resume. Where is she based? Doctors can run a whole gamut of tests but in the US as far as I know they will offer these only after 2-3 losses. Sounds awful, I know. But if she is able to convince her docs to run blood tests on her, it might provide a clue. But I don't guarantee it.

As to why she lost it...most of the time, first trimester losses are due to improper conjugation of sperm and egg. Some sort of chromosomal aberration occurs which the body recognises and decides to end. If you look at it, it is a protective thing instead of continuing with a pregnancy which will not produce a viable baby. Or it could be some infection she developed which was not caught.

Having one miscarriage by no means is an indication that she cannot conceive after this. If people are trying to put such thoughts into her head, ask her not to believe it. If she just looks around on the net there are plenty of support groups of women who had losses who later went on to have successful pregnancies.

By God's grace (touch wood), I am currently 30 weeks pregnant after my loss. There is hope. I have come to know women who had losses at the 35th, 36th week who later had healthy babies. Let her not lose hope. If you can make her read this message, tell her it was not her fault that she lost her baby. I kept asking my doctor what I did wrong...I do not smoke, drink etc. etc. He calmly told me \";there are women who smoke and drink and will have healthy babies too. It was nothing that you did\";. I hate to say this. But there are a few people in our Indian community who will \";try\"; to be helpful in their comments and end up making you feel guilty. If it helps, ask her to avoid such people. Does she have any family support? Can she ask someone to visit her?

There are some books available for people in her situation. One of them which helped me was \";Pregnancy after a Loss\"; by Carol Cirulli Lanham.

Hope this helps.
- Aarti