You are here: Home > Message Boards > Planning a Baby >  Adoption >Adoption
Planning a Baby  Discussion Forum
 
Adoption:Adoption
2017-02-02
Name: Asha I am an Indian women living in bangalore, ny husband wants to adopt but I am sceptical because we have reached to this decison beacusr of his infertility and I had gone through 2 rounds of IVF, during which I did not receive any emotional support from him.

I have a pent up negativity because of this.

And I have my fears regarding adoption like,

-what if I dont love my adopted child?

-I feel like a failure going through adoption as its the second option and because of no fault of mine?

-what if the adopted child doesn't like me?

-Do adopted kids search and yearn for their birth parents as depicted in movies?

On the top of these, on expressing these fears to my husband, he gave me an ultimatum of agreeing for adoption or us getting seperated..and Iam not able to digest the fact that he doesn't want me if there are no kids.


Subscribe to this conversation Reply Anonymously
 

2017-02-17
#1
Name: JSinha
Subject:  RE:Adoption
Hi Asha,
I'm sorry to hear you're going through such a tough time in your marriage. I would advise the following:
1) Consider the fact that your husband's infertility could be causing him a great deal of insecurity. Possibly low self-esteem and lack of confidence. Often people respond to these feelings by putting someone else down in order to make themselves feel worthwhile. Is it possible he's experiencing these feelings? If so, he needs help in understanding and dealing with these in a healthy way, for long-term. Consider couples therapy or marriage counseling to talk about all or any of your issues in a safe zone like with a licensed therapist. This will not only help him, but help you help yourself, and also help him if needed.

2) I personally know of adopted kids who absolutely love and adore their adoptive parents. Kids usually have a curiosity to know more about their birth parents mostly because it's a way to learn more about themselves. But if you foster a healthy, happy, trusting, and transparent relationship with your adopted child, he/she will love and care for you all the same. Don't be afraid if they ask questions or become curious to learn about their birth parents - it's natural, healthy, and you can help them in this quest, be a part of their journey. Show them that you understand their feelings and participate in active discussions with them to keep the communication transparent and keep your relationships loyal.
Reply to Original MessageReply to Original Message   Reply to Original Message Reply to This Message   Msg Objection   Go to Top
 

2017-02-17
#2
Name: JSinha
Subject:  RE:Adoption
You should know something. Having a child will not "fix" your marriage, or "solve" any individual issues you or your husband have (eg. his insecurities maybe). If his options to you are to adopt a child or separate, he is clearly not ready at this time to parent a child. Ultimatums do not run marriages; compromises do. If you are feeling resentful or any other negative emotions, this may latch on to this child you adopt later on in life, since you can't deal with these feelings directly with your husband. No child deserves that. If your spouse cannot be unified with you, you are both not emotionally and mentally ready to foster a healthy, happy home for a child. I suggest seriously considering therapy or marriage counseling to ready yourselves for a 1) healthy marriage and THEN 2) a child.
Reply to Original MessageReply to Original Message   Reply to Original Message Reply to This Message   Msg Objection   Go to Top
 

2017-02-15
#3
Name: nandu
Subject:  RE:Adoption
hello bala,
veet is not that much good i used it, and i dont like at all, my friends also use same till now, but she now used to for veet, and she like , so there is no problem to use veet.
Reply to Original MessageReply to Original Message   Reply to Original Message Reply to This Message   Msg Objection   Go to Top
 

2017-02-05
#4
Name: krish
Subject:  RE:Adoption
Hi
I m healthy with high sperm count. If you wish to have sperm I can help. I am Brahmin, Veg with daily meditation etc., My son is IIT Topper. Also I can guide how to teach upcoming child when mother is pregnant. Also some methods adopted in my lifestyle to take my son as IIT Topper.
Only after meeting you for personal discussion this can be done. If your husband agrees nothing like it. msg me
Reply to Original MessageReply to Original Message   Reply to Original Message Reply to This Message   Msg Objection   Go to Top

All tips on Planning a Baby
You ever wanted in one place.
No need to go anywhere else.
& Answers to Topic :
Adoption


Subscribe to this conversation! All tips on Planning a Baby
You ever wanted in one place.
No need to go anywhere else.
& Answers to Topic :
Adoption


Subscribe to this conversation! All tips on Planning a Baby
You ever wanted in one place.
No need to go anywhere else.
& Answers to Topic :
Adoption

Thanks for subscribing
You are already a member, please login to subscribe

------ OR ------

Last 7 Posts of this Board
RE:want to adopt a new born baby from Uttarakhand
Oh my god that was real terror to the people staying there must say, what you are thinking is a good cause but then it is very difficult to find a child in this age group specially from that region please check with some orphanage.... - Aditi [View Message]
RE:want to adopt a new born baby from Uttarakhand
Hi dear this is really very special and you must go ahead in adopting one, please make sure you do the proper legal formalities and also see to that you have good amount of money with you as it requires in adopting a child.... - Anju [View Message]
RE:want to adopt a new born baby from Uttarakhand
This is so sweet of you, my good wishes are with you and with your family please tell us if any help required as we can help you in this matter and also please share your experience also in adopting the child.... - Anaida [View Message]
RE:want to adopt a new born baby from Uttarakhand
Good bless you dear as you are doing this noble thing so please make sure you have proper legal documents in place as it is a long process and one needs to have all the documents place. All the best dear.... - Anamika [View Message]
RE:want to adopt a new born baby from Uttarakhand
Hello dear there are very rare chances of you getting the child as its very difficult to fine one why dont you adopt from a orphanage as that will be proper formalities and also with legal.... - Anjali [View Message]
RE:want to adopt a new born baby from Uttarakhand
It totally depends in your luck and also if there is a child or not who knows, please it out by visiting the places there which are badly affected and also find some government officials who can help you in this matter.... - Shivangi [View Message]
RE:want to adopt a new born baby from Uttarakhand
I must appreciate for your thinking such good but then you must see to that people who have lost their near and dear ones will now be at their bad state of mind and approaching them for a child will not look good.... - Seema [View Message]

Chicken Pox and pregnancy Video..