Parents of Schoolgoers  Discussion Forum

hello all on board
I had written earlier from US ...now i have come to india with my kids to be with my ailing in-laws. Missing my husband verrrrrrrry much. No ned to mention the sadness about the job i had to leave and now be a housewife. Well i love and respect my in laws needs so i guess after some time i will learn to cope up with being home.
Also its a delight in seeing housemaids and the space and attention we get and love our kids get. Kids have no restrictions with regard to playing outside or the bad weather as compared to US. Kids have settled with schooling and are liking it here.....
Well we had to come like this since due to surgery for my in law and to be a moral support for them and be around whenever they need. My DH should also join us within a year.

Shall keep updateing...... for now this much only ...getting used to in laws probs and handling kids issues alone... Trying very hard to deviate mind and positively thinking about the whole thing. Taking care of parents or in laws feels nice but sometimes its hard.
A replied. yes as u all say, this is a phase and it will pass off. I am daily trying to motivate myself and try to give myself atleast an hour noon and night. I guess giving time to myself might make me a little more cheerful. but Since kids are small its difficult to get more time on hands. Also extremely difficult to control my fil' s diet. He often indulges in over eating.He says he is missing his wife' s food now ...and am trying to make food as palatable to him as i can also keeping in mind his diet restrictions after his ill health. Today was a bad day since morning as the servant did not turn out. Since driver had to go out with fil to the doctor my d/o also cud not be dropped to school,so added work for me of being a playmate for her, and as it is we have a huge house .Some how with god' s grace i managed everything from cooking to cleaning to fil' s timely medicines his lunch and kids care and my mil' s dabba!!! I am happy its night now!!!!
What i can' t get out of my head is that i was nicely working in the US and was stabilsing my career and now i am down to these work and kind of home arrest.. With all the house work and fils' care i guess i can take out atleast 4-5 hrs a day for some kind of work/study. Where to start what now i am clueless, as it is in the US we had work permit restrictions so i have lost years without working there, since its so costly to study thre i never could update further studies . I got a lucky break there since they saw my work in voluntering serices and offered me a very good job. Well All that has gone waste. Now again i need to rethink to start a career here in india. Before marriage i worked for a MNC and was going good when I had to leave that and go abroad with my husband, there after child bearing and being with kids home until they were 3-4 i got job and had just started ther when i was aksed to come back to india...
and here now Without total hard work i am not going to get anything i know.... and with this big home and kids and a patient like old fil and mil working and husband away i only see things getting postponed. I really wish i had some courage to do somehting for myself amidst doing all my responsibilities as a wife/dil/mother. Ofcourse i dont have to work for financial reasons......but the way my fil and mil spend ...may be i am wrong in saying that we r financially sort of settled,very soon out of necessity and our life styles i will have to work too.
My DH also feels bad for me but i dont want to keep crying over the phone with him and be a spoiled sport , he knows his parents and we all have a basic bond of love . I want to get rid of the uneasiness that my mind has created due to my job loss and my mil getting a job.
I try hard to be happy on phone with my DH taliking news and fun.And updating him about kids wlfare and his parents happiness.....
Writing on this board and replies from u all is a very big vent and brings sense back to mind. Thank u friends! Tony S replied. Dear A,
Yes indeed u r doing a great job by ' being there' for your family when they need u the most. but the frustrated feeling of not going for work and when MIL is working can be v. much. But dear, i feel that whatever u r doing is all going to bring ' punya' for u. In fact, if FIL is not keepiong well, it is his wife' s duty to take care of huim, Instead she is going out and enjoying a life. thats not fair. i am sure she is doing this to escape from all this. it is her moral resposnsibility to look after her ailing husband.
But now, first and foremost, u should record the happenings of each and every day in a diary or mail to your husband, so he knows every inch of what kind of a life u r living. secondly, dont think of going out for work for sometime - maybe a year. Instead, develop a hobby/go to the gym/join a social organization - take up some activity by which u can be out for some part of the day and during that time, take help from the maid to attend your FIL, or ask your MIL to call home and ask how he is doing, so that they do not blame u if anything happens. Involve your MIL as much as possible to look after your FIL. Eg - ask her to bring the medicines or take him to the doctor, etc. She will not have the heart to refuse and do this in front of your FIL only. So u r also doing your duty as DIL and also not allowing anyone to take you for granted. Also, enjoy an outing with your kids on the weekends, let it be u and the kids only. Let MIL stay with her husband and look after him completely for 1 or 2 days in a week, so u will also get the much needed break. all the best.hats off to u. Rahul replied. Hi A,

I can very well understand as what it takes to leave every thing from US and come back to india. You are doing great job. But its all different phases of life. Every step needs are different and its one' s versitality how beautifully heor she adapts to new roles. The most vaulble thing in life is love and relationships. As u said u and ur kids are getting it alot. Thats great. Yes I do feel bad that u are away form ur husband and I wish he joins u bach asap in India and u all be a happy family. God Bless u. grw replied. hey,whch school r u kids in? and keep up the good work.these days may look loooong but they will soon pass.and i am sure ur husband will only be very grateful to u for all this tht u r doing for his parents.