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Womens Issues:don,t know wht to do ?
2006-06-24
Name: priti hi,
i am mother of two loving boys.for past few yrs my marriage is going down day by day.i am married for last 6yrs.i am staying in usa for past 4yrs.i don,t have any family over here beside my husband and kids.and on top of it my hubby is not interseted in me.he does not care about me wht i wear,wht i do or how i feel.he is out of the house 11 hrs a day.i stay inside the house6 days a week.cause i don,t have a car.my life is so boring and frustating.i don,t know wht to do with my life.only thing makes me feel happy is my two boys.i love them to death thats the reason i can,t end my life.but can somebody tell how keep myself happy and bussy beside enjoying wth my kids.i need serious help.some good suggestion.
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2006-08-03
#1
Name: issssss
Subject:  hi
am also in us has simillar probs but i try to keep my self busy with my 6months old kid.i think u can develop some sort of interest in craft through which u can do something for your kids
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2006-07-22
#2
Name: gowda
Subject:  happyness
see priti dont feel aloness keep youreself as busy read books,play with youre kids,watch television,cook new foods,be fresh all time then see u will will not feel boring
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2006-07-01
#3
Name: ZESHAN
Subject:  U Need a TRUE FRIENDSHIP
U are very alone in these circumstances u shuold make friends
u can contact me at my cell no 923014010296
or my e mail adress shani30s at yahoo dot com
thanks
i 'll do my best to bring happiness to your life.
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2006-06-30
#4
Name: IN NEED
Subject:  VERY FUNNY!
AS SUGGESTED...SEE 'MITR'
LOVELY MOVIE...
TAKE UP A JOB.
TRY TO DO YOGA OR AEROBICS.
AND PLS GALS....STOP FIGHTING
ITS VERY SAD AND FUNNY.
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2006-06-26
#5
Name: priti
Subject:  foe aditi & shweta
hi,
this for aditi and shweta.now once i started i will not stop.i will give u some eg in wht way my hubby ingnores me.he comes home at 11 in the night.i wait for him for dinner.but he does not care he is fast eater he finish his dinner in 5 to 7 min and put his dish in the sink and go to bed.and i am still at the table all by myself and then i clean up my kitchen while he is watching tv in the bedroom.by the time i go to bed he is fast asleep.in the morning either he is on computer or bussy talking to his friends on the phone.and if there is any little time left he spends with the kids.this is going on for atleast a year.i tried to talk to him about all this he will listen to me and again back to square one.i am not a bad looking women ya but between two toddlers i don,t pay much attention to my beauty right now.i am fed up of this life style.i am trying my level best to continue this marraige but i am a human being and i can only take so much.i stay in the country where men and women r equal.i don,t expect that but atleast some love and respect.
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2006-06-27
#6
Name: priti
Subject:  thanx a lot seema
hi,
i am really glad readind your comment.i don,t want to be rude but i feel better reading that there r other couples also who r facing this kind of problems in life.i love my husband.i can do anything to get him back.i am going to try whatever u suggested me.and i am sure it will work.after readind your comment i blame myself also that y i couldn,t think about all this before.might i am lacking.but thanx from bottom of my heart seema.this is my request to u pls be on this site and give good suggestion to all who r facing terrible problems in life.cause tips like yours makes lot of difference in thinking positively.keep it up.and in future if u have anymore tips for me pls feel free to write to me.if u want i can give u my email address.
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2006-06-27
#7
Name: seema
Subject:  Mid Life Crisis !
Hi Priti,
I think many wives (working or non working) go thru similar phase in life at some point or other. I too have have gone thru it to some extent and trying my best to explain it from a diff perspective !
Men go thru something called as "Mid Life Crisis", diff men show diff signs. My hubby showed similar sighs like urs ! But its just a passing phase. Donot make it too difficult on urself and on him too !
During this time normally guys tend to become totally withdrawn .. they focus on only work and nothing else ! They start taking wife and family for granted. They tend to lose interest in all home related matters ! They only sit in their own cave thinking something to themselves. In my case my hubby wudnt even sleep in the night .. HE used to get up and watch tv the whole night as if the burden of the world is on his shoulders ... anyways !women dont understand why they behave this way and tend to feel isolated and less cared.This is one part.
Now what you can do to make the whole phase easy ..
Though I havent read all comments posted I agree with one comment by 'S'
1) You need to be connected to ur hubby ! bcoz u want him back happy and caring like earlier ..right ??
2) You continue ur share of talking with him .. I mean talking not "Nagging". Bcoz when women are down and depressed they only nag and complain and not talk !
3) Dont be too dependent (emotionally) on him ... The more u push him the more he will shy away from you !Give him space !
4) Dont wait for dinner.. Show that you are capable of having food all alone by finishing ur dinner before he is back home but sit with him at the table while he is eating to show that you do care for him ! Keep the conversation light and humourous !
5) Dont always talk super serious topics like "Our Relationship " or "Abt ur feelings " or "Ur depression" ... Like it or not men find them very difficult to understand and move away from us even further. So talk abt sports(whichever is his fav) .. Some kinky adult jokes or weekend plans ! everything which cheers up his mood !
This way he will slowly start to open up. Once he feels you are understanding him .. he is back to his normal self !
Most imp:
6) Plan few things as per his timings.. When he is watching TV why are you cleaning that stupid kitchen .. do it next day .. doesnt matter.
7) Sit with him on the couch and watch tv ...May be lighly rub his feet or lie on his chest and watch tv.
that way you will be able to spend more time with him ! Just sit down calmly and rethink and do bit of planning ..You will be FINE ! It does feel like end of marriage but take my words "IT IS A PASSING PHASE"
And to keep urself busy ppl have given you plenty of tips :)

sorry for writing such a lenghty mail !
-Seema


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2006-06-26
#8
Name: priti
Subject:  thanx for your motivation
hi,
thanx to everyone who took out there time and tried to help me.but i am very impressed by s comment.u r right in many ways.my husband will not allow me to put my kids in day care in 100yrs and there is no way in kansas that i take a bus and go anywhere.i am not forcing my husband to buy me a car cause i am not very good driver.i need some more practice but again my husband does not have any time for me and there is no one else who can help me .i agree with s that once i will have my own tarspotation might i will have some peace of mind.and i will stop thinking about my husband so much.i get more hurt when i ask him to take me somewhere and he simple tells on my face i don,t have time for u.someother time.once again thanx for your tips and time.iwill give my best to continue my marraige.
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2006-06-26
#9
Name: aditi
Subject:  Hey 's'
Quit ths whole thing plzzzz.It is so obvious that you are only trying to fight with shweta.she only gave some advice and tips,and you have not given anything other than telling priti to buy a car and that she should try to work out her marriage.As if buying a car will get her closer to her hubby.Just leave her alone.
Shweta is right ,its ok for you to call her tips as useless and you have a problem if they tell you to quit bullying them.Double standards I must say.Very weird kind of decency you have,seriously.Oh plz tell me also that I am calling you names.

Priti sorry for that dear ,you need to tell us a little more as to why and hoe your hubby ignores you ,without that we can't be of much help.As far as tips are concerned,i think all our friends here have given wonderful suggestions and tips.Nothing more that i can add.Hope you find the strength to get through this bad phase of yours.
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2006-06-26
#10
Name: aditi
Subject:  oops priti!!!
Its 'why and how your husband ignores you'.
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2006-06-26
#11
Name: ranjita
Subject:  Hey 's'
why don't you quit this nonsense.
You are unable to give priti any tips in the first place and everybody else has also given the exact same tips as 'shweta' so why are you only after 'shweta'.Leave her alone you moron.
Shweta wonderful tips dear.
And priti you can feel sorry for yourself or start getting independent like how kajol,shweta ,sunshine and bhavana have given.I think that they have given nice suggestions.If you want to work you could also try visa change.all the best
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2006-06-26
#12
Name: kajol
Subject:  dont know what to do
Hi Priti...the days of being dependant on a man is long gone. its time to make him notice u..get a new hairstyle or colour, get some new clothes. but most importantly pay more attention to what u want and need. communicate how you feel and tellhim what u want out of him. men take it for granted that woman will always be at home, with a home cooked meal, ready to serve them. take up an interest of ur own, or enrol ur kids in an activity like soccer, or gym and get involved with them. im not going to tell u to do something n ur own cos the changes are u may start looking for attention elsewhere. join a womans club, where u can contribute something...take up some studies. the worst thing u can do is sit at home feeling sorry for ur self. as for not having a car....dont let the small issue get u down, take a cab, take a taxi, hell take a walk!
give him the idea that ur not totally dependant on him and that ur not going to let him walk all over u. get independant, so that if anything happens, u can take care of urself and ur sons.
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2006-06-26
#13
Name: bhavana
Subject:  I think I agree with shweta
Hi Priti,

Shweta has given some good tips actually.Try to get your husband interested in your activities by having fun with your sons by taking them out etc.But also be careful when you take buses,don't get lost.
Hi shweta looks like your hubby too is in IT industry hence the travelling,same is the case with me too.Anyway all the best Priti.
Hope your husband realizes what he is missing in his life and gets drawn towards his first priority 'you'.
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2006-06-26
#14
Name: shweta
Subject:  Hi 's'
Hi 's'.Mine were just tips if you don't like it give her tips that you think she would follow.Since I see that you live in U.S and have undergone the same problems why don't you give her tips rather than discouraging her to follow the ones that others have given.FYI I don't know about you but I have lived in 9 diff states in the past 6 yrs in U.S and definitely not in NY or Boston and have seen and travelled in the local buses to the nearest library.Its that simple.It may not be as great as NY and Boston but I have seen and made friends with the regular travellers.These are also localites who don't own a car but use the buses to travel to work and also shop I bet you didn't know that too.Voluntary work have you even visited volunteermatch ,you can even volunteer to do administration work in the office.
Anyways Its not just floral arrangements that one can do you can do many other stuff i guess you didn't see the etc's that followed.
I bet you didn't even read her post completely,her hubby is not interested in her life at all,do let us know how on earth are they supposed to do things together.
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2006-06-27
#15
Name: s
Subject:  To Tanya
Sheesh.. What's up with you all? Seems like posting in this discussion forum is like treading a minefield.

I don't know how on earth my criticism of Shweta's suggestions constitute a "personal attack" against her. Have you ever heard of a term called "debate"? The idea is to not just put forward suggestions, but also to discuss (which means even bringing out the negatives) of others' as well. There is even a "disagree" icon on this website, for those who have forgotten. There is a distinction between criticizing someone else's suggestions and calling that person has "tiny brain", "moron" etc. Anyone indulging in the latter in a college debate will be reprimanded or even disqualified. Unfortunately, this point seems to be lost on you, and some others.
I still don't regret having posted my comments here, inasmuch as Priti found my suggestions quite enlightening, and I wish her all the best. But I do regret that some people over-reacted to my posts and ganged up on me in an attempt to gain 'one upmanship' while I myself had no such agenda.

Another example of your overreaction- I just said "Shweta" is a lovely name and I wanted to name my daughter that. And now you are saying "Her parents would have given her that name with soo much of love and affection and demeaning it in such an offensive way and gloating about it is soo wrong." Huh? I don't know how on earth anyone can construe my remark to be "demeaning in such an offensive way", unless that person has some agenda to deliberately target me unnecessarily.

Enough said. This would be my last post on this thread. I know that the original poster did see the light of my first couple of postings, so my purpose has been served. I have posted on other threads, and my points have been well received by many for the most part.

I am really not interested in prolonging this fishmarket fight henceforth. All the best to the rest of you.

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2006-06-27
#16
Name: tanya
Subject:  just to add
when you condemn somebody's personal life experiences as illogical its a personal attack .She said very clearly that she has done this in her own life and she just wanted to help.
If you simply wanted to disagree.you could have said ' I disagree with some of shweta's tips and this is what I feel regarding the transportaion'.Whereas you mocked at her tips of the floral arrangements and though she didn't say anything about floral arrgments anywhere.I don't know if you have even watched that show that shweta is referring to ,but she does give wonderful tips about interior decoration and keeping oneself busy with other crafts too.
This is exactly what happened in one of the prev posts where no offense plzz'satya' first got personal and then acted all saintly later.
I have a suggestion to people plzz don't first attack somebod's comment and then start a fight and then try to act all saintly.Its really sad.
The comments that come are from each one's personal experiences. And 's' take it in the right spirit.
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2006-06-27
#17
Name: tanya
Subject:  Poor shweta
Its sooo sad that 'tiny brain,man mentality' are considered to be name calling.
you had already got personal with shweta when you attacked her suggestions the very first time.and you have been cribbing about her tips right from the start and trying to prove 'one upmanship'.How can you actually claim to be innocent yet, is too much.She was giving tips just like anybody else,if you didn't like it you could have ignored and just given your suggestions.Everybody has a right to express their opinions here and you are the first one to pounce on her tips and call it illogical in the first place.how you can claim that she started the fight is way beyond anybody's imagination.And if you are really that decent what is with and I quote"I am not going to call you or anyone else on the board names. Although I have to admit "Shweta" is such a beautiful name and I wanted to name my daughter that. But my wife didn't allow it (wife rules!) "

Hey 's' you just got a bit too personal there that's way tooooo bad for a man.
When you disagreed with shweta you were just too quick in condemning her tips.
Her parents would have given her that name with soo much of love and affection and demeaning it in such an offensive way and gloating about it is soo wrong.
Anybody with their senses would be able to see who started all this in the first place and that would be you.
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2006-06-26
#18
Name: s
Subject:  I'm not the one who picked up a fight here
You had implied I have a "tiny brain", and imagine that I'm 'gonna get back at you" and "man mentality" etc. etc. These are uncalled for personal attacks. I NEVER have made any such personal attacks, only argued with the points you made. One can disagree and even argue, calling the suggestions nonsensical or ridiculous. Fine. That's what I limit myself to. But a few of you have crossed the line and personally attacked me. And you imagined I am "getting back at you" because of a disagreement on another thread. Frankly, I didn't even remember you had posted there, and when I checked the thread, neither of us had directly replied to the other over there. I didn't see any confrontation there between the two. So you are just making up things to suit your point.

I am not going to call you or anyone else on the board names. Although I have to admit "Shweta" is such a beautiful name and I wanted to name my daughter that. But my wife didn't allow it (wife rules!)
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2006-06-26
#19
Name: shweta
Subject:  FYI
what is your problem buddy ,where exactly have I called you names.You really seem to be having a problem.
I repeat I have not asked her to sacrifice her marriage.And what exactly is she supposed to do till she gets a car,you mean to say she should go and buy a car on her own.It seems strange that when you called my suggestions illogical you didn't feel it as name calling by trying to put down my suggestions or showing them as dumb,YOU STILL HAVEN"T GIVEN ANY SORT OF TIPS APART FROM BUYING A CAR thing.
If she wants she will pick and choose what she wants why are you doing this for her is what I don't get.With the limited things that I have been doing from my own experience and some of my friends I gave her those tips.
Yeah who exactly called you names buddy if ranjita has called you names go ask her,don't simply drag my name in this whole thing.Tell me in this whole comment of mine where have I called you names.
Another thing everybody here has given the same kind of suggestions that I have given.
And according to you buying a car will solve her problems with her husband is it????
Strange.You talk about issues rgarding her problems with her husband and you yourself have no suggestions regarding the same.And you have the audacity to question us
AGAIN YOU ONLY WANT TO FIGHT THAT IS YOUR ONLY MOTIVE and nothing else.You could have just given your suggestions/tips and gone ahead,but no you first commented on my comment then picked up a fight telling that my tips are useless,and you call yourself decent????
Shame on you.
You really have a strange way of decency .
If you want to help priti do so,don't unnecessarily try to blow an issue by picking up fights with other people.
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2006-06-26
#20
Name: s
Subject:  To both Shweta and Ranjita
I don't know why both of you have to resort to calling me names. Never mind, Preeti has clearly mentioned that her husband "is not interseted in me.he does not care about me wht i wear,wht i do or how i feel". So I am surprised that you women don't see this being a fundamental problem in the marriage. She has also stated that "i love them(the kids) to death thats the reason i can,t end my life." You think anyone would choose to end their life just because they are bored?
And Shweta, FYI, I have lived in places in the US besides Boston or NYC.

And did I suggest anything too radical? All I said was she needs to communicate what she wants to her husband and also take part in activities that both of them could enjoy.

You two assume that every woman is ok with taking the bus to the library after arranging for a babysitter, etc. Please note that while this may work out for some, not ALL women would have the motivation to do so.

I STILL strongly feel that she should (if possible) get a car of her own. With greater mobility comes more opportunities for her to build her social circle and also other interests which she could never even imagined otherwise. Plus with two kids, it is a LOT easier to get around with your own vehicle, even for mundane stuff like groceries, for instance.

Next time you two reply, I hope you don't resort to name-calling and maintain a decent decorum.

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