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Joint Family:I am stuck !!!
2008-06-12
Name: neena I dont know what to do. my problem is that I donot wish to stay with my inlaws which I am forced to do since last 4 years.I donot get along with them. The reason of staying with them is that my hubby takes care of the family business and my inlaws are very possessive of their son. I hate going back to home from ofiice every day and see their faces and their behaviour patterns day after day. I am feeling very low today and just want to vent out my feelings. It has been decided that we two are finally moving out of this joint family but it will takes few more months. and that wait is killing me . i feel frustated and sad. I have been waiting since years to go away from them and now again I have to wait more and more. My hubby wants to remain a good son in their eyes. I feel stuck with them forever !!! I hate them, they are selfish and wicked.
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2008-07-17
#1
Name: Namita
Subject:  to aisha
i wanted to write more than what i vl but since neena have given u the exact dose ... if you need more reply with ur suggestion

as u said \" nstead i always tried to understand where they find me wrong and tried to come out of it \" this shows you were alwasy wrong ... whereas this is not the case with us, we are been blamed for no reasons .. we are blamed only to satisfy their ego and make their son understnd how good they are

your case was different so u had to change
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2008-07-16
#2
Name: Namita
Subject:  good say
i liked ur reply to Aisha .. all the best ... n njoy ur stay with husband
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2008-07-17
#3
Name: neena
Subject:  thanks
thanks Namita.
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2008-07-16
#4
Name: A friend
Subject:  Be relaxed
Dear neena,
Do take the words of Aisha by heart .It is mere frustation that is coming out in her mail .maybe she wanted to move out but husband is not ready to stay away from the parents that is why she is forced to stay with them .so now she is cooking stories to show she is very good .In fact she cld not move & be happy so when she saw u moving out & being better mentally all her frustation came out .it is human a thing that we want desperately but cannot get it_ when we see a person in front of us getting it then we develop hatred ,jealousy for that person.
Or maybe she does not want to move bcoz since she is working she has got a free naany (MIL) to look after kids & do cooking at home which otherwise she had to manage .
Be relaxed staying seperate or with them is ur individual decision u need not be guided by anyone .In life always do things which u can rationalise .Then u will be much better & happy person .
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2008-08-06
#5
Name: Afriend
Subject:  Different people different thought
C whatever happened with u is sad but u cannot blame anyone for that .Since being an inter-religion marriage u knew beforehand this will happen still u went ahead then dear who is to be blamed??.Whose mistake is it anyways?No offense made what i can judge due to this u do not have parent support also to fall back at .
Secondly if u adjusted dear then u cannot force her to adjust it is her individual decision to live or not live & we all have to respect this .
Evry person is different so reaction to the same siuation will be diffirent .There cannot be set parameters for evrything it changes from person to person .
That is why i advised neena also & the same goes for u also dear that always do things that u think are right & not what others think are right .
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2008-08-05
#6
Name: aisha
Subject:  you mistook the case
see dear you said all abt me . dear friends my marriage is a love marriage . i was basically a hindu married to a muslim. so can you imagine the type of troma i would have faced. Regarding toruble from inlaws i had a lot and regaring finding my mistakes , my only mistake was that i was a hindu girl. Dear they never liked me and accepted me for this reason. Moreover I cook do all the household works and my in laws are not a nanny for my son. I have a seperate nanny.

I believe togetherness always helps. If I can manage after such a great rejection from the entire family , then you could always try. C I feel they are old so we can be generous enough to leave the problems aside and make them understand we are theirs only and we love them .
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2008-07-17
#7
Name: vv
Subject:  thanks neena
thank you neena for your kind words. i am not hopeful that day would ever come. its good to have this forum where we can share our problems openly.
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2008-07-17
#8
Name: neena
Subject:  Thanks.
Dear ´ w´ ,

Thanks for the response.
I pray that your inlaws start realizing your worth soon and reciprocate all the good you have been doing for them.
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2008-07-17
#9
Name: neena
Subject:  Thanks.
Thanks ´ A Friend´ ,
u said " In life always do things which u can rationalise .Then u will be much better & happy person "
This is very true. Thanks for the encouragement and kind words.
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2008-07-16
#10
Name: vv
Subject:  Lets not do this
Lets stop talking against Aisha. We are here to discuss and its her view of the situation - maybe she commented on it too early. lets leave it there.

Aisha & others - i wanted to be the ideal DIL too and am still putting up with my inlaws coz they hv got my husband to this world and all that. but all they say is i am useless, irresponsible and what not. they say i cannot even take care of my own baby. while i do not have a single complaint against the way they lead their lives, they seem to observe everything i do, assume things, comment within themselves, show indifference and then look for a chance to make a big issue out of it. All this inspite of doing everything out of my way towards them - talking to them abt jokes, movies, my kid, their health.. taking them out with every outing of ours.. actually its hard to explain everything. but they are too idle-minded to think anything constructive. they choose to discuss me when free and they enjoy it. what to do with this kind of a situation.
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2008-07-14
#11
Name: aisha
Subject:  so selfish
even i had been married for the last 3 years even my in laws didnt liked me much and created trouble for me .even I am working but i never though to leave them , instead i always tried to understand where they find me wrong and tried to come out of it , and finally everything is fine . Dont you feel ashamed that you are trying to drive away a son from his mother . Imagine tommorow you get old and your sons wife ask s him to move away with her and he leaves you at the time when you really need them.
Remember one thing whatever you do today with your in laws , the same will be returned to you by GOD , so instead of being a home breaker be a home maker .please love your in laws it is because of them that you got your husband today.
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2008-07-22
#12
Name: sweety
Subject:  ur sick aisha
ur not a female.ur some kind of silly male/mentally unfit female..keep away u pervert.
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2008-07-16
#13
Name: pr
Subject:  Re:
aisha,

are you a mother in laws in disguise ?
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2008-07-16
#14
Name: neena
Subject:  About your wise comments ...
dear aisha,

did i ever mention in my post the reason of us moving away from inlaws ? you have yourself made up the whole story of me driving hubby away from inlaws... taking a son away from mother, being selfish and blah blah blah !!! that only shows how bitter and short sigthed you can be while commenting on other person´ s problem. anyways, i dont feel the need to give explanation to anyone but just as a little note... we are moving away so that my hubby can prosper professionally and its entirely his decision! and inlaws support this. If hubby is earning more , inlaws will get comfortable too as fil is not earning now. So you can now rest your sarcastic tounge a bit.
To answer your question ... No , i am not ashamed that i am moving away from them. in fact i am jumping with joy and i am looking forward to a more mentally peaceful life without harsh words / actions / feelings / cold war.
Aisha, If you have no idea about to what extent my inlaws have been troubling me then please do not make assumptions and write such things like God will punish you , you will get same from son etc etc.
If you so much believe in God then don´ t you think that God will also punish all those inlaws who throw abuse on their dils without any mistake on dil´ s part? what do u say?
Glad to know that u r planning to stay with your inlaws forever. may be your home situation allows this but as an individual I have started saying NO to abuse of any kind...whether from my inlaws or from anyone else. and that is the reason I am eagerly awaiting to move away from them.
What do you think , the dils who stay away from inlaws are wicked , selfish creatures with devil´ s mind ? How can you generalize all such females in one category ? What do you want ? you want a dil to keep taking abuse n torture but staying with inlaws forever ? If dils are so cunning then why do we have dowry deaths in India ? Why do we have women cells and helplines ? Why are married women abused for money, beaten and thown out of house by inlaws?
Grow up girl.
Anyways, thanks for your response to my post.
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2008-07-16
#15
Name: meeta
Subject:  About your wise comments ...
dear aisha,

did i ever mention in my post the reason of us moving away from inlaws ? you have yourself made up the whole story of me driving hubby away from inlaws... taking a son away from mother, being selfish and blah blah blah !!! that only shows how bitter and short sigthed you can be while commenting on other person´ s problem. anyways, i dont feel the need to give explanation to anyone but just as a little note... we are moving away so that my hubby can prosper professionally and its entirely his decision! and inlaws support this. If hubby is earning more , inlaws will get comfortable too as fil is not earning now. So you can now rest your sarcastic tounge a bit.
To answer your question ... No , i am not ashamed that i am moving away from them. in fact i am jumping with joy and i am looking forward to a more mentally peaceful life without harsh words / actions / feelings / cold war.
Aisha, If you have no idea about to what extent my inlaws have been troubling me then please do not make assumptions and write such things like God will punish you , you will get same from son etc etc.
If you so much believe in God then don´ t you think that God will also punish all those inlaws who throw abuse on their dils without any mistake on dil´ s part? what do u say?
Glad to know that u r planning to stay with your inlaws forever. may be your home situation allows this but as an individual I have started saying NO to abuse of any kind...whether from my inlaws or from anyone else. and that is the reason I am eagerly awaiting to move away from them.
What do you think , the dils who stay away from inlaws are wicked , selfish creatures with devil´ s mind ? How can you generalize all such females in one category ? What do you want ? you want a dil to keep taking abuse n torture but staying with inlaws forever ? If dils are so cunning then why do we have dowry deaths in India ? Why do we have women cells and helplines ? Why are married women abused for money, beaten and thown out of house by inlaws?
Grow up girl.
Anyways, thanks for your response to my post.
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2008-07-07
#16
Name: helppriya
Subject:  same here!
I feel like I have written this post. I get upset with them and they get get upset me. I hate to go home after office. every morning I run away from home before they c me. but lucky u, u will me moving out unlike me. I am stuck with them all my life:(
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2008-07-14
#17
Name: neena
Subject:  Re:
hi helppriya,

sorry to hear that u r facing the same.
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