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Womens Issues:Genuine Question
2006-06-10
Name: Priya I am going through a very puzzling phase and would like some guidance. I am a happily married woman with 1 child. Due to my husbands nature of job we are posted in a new country for a period of 5-6 years.

My husband's job requires him to travel quite often. In a month we get to be together for a week or two and the other 2 weeks he is away. I feel pretty lonely when he is gone. I don't socialise much on my own because of my child, I have to be home in the evening to look after her.

I have no problems with my hubby, he is very loving, caring and a good father. He does everything for me without a flinch.

My problem is that off late since I have been going to the gym I meet this guy who comes to work out very attractive. We have never spoken we just look at each other and from the eye contact we make I can tell he is attracted to me. He has no idea I am married ofcourse and if he knew he would be out of there in a sec!

I just want to know are these feelings normal? Even if this guy approached me I would not go out with him or anything because I could never cheat. But this attraction for this guy bothers me. When I see him it's at the gym my day brightens up and I feel so good and happy. I know I sound crazy but pls let me know what u think.

Thanks
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2006-06-14
#1
Name: Amit
Subject:  To satya aunty
YOu are not very decent that we can all tell...and before giving your adivise for others to check themself you shd check what you write sweetie aunty!

Whoever came for her support is none of your business to decide that birds of a feather flock together. It's ok for your to attack and call ppl names but when the tables turn you get all defensive.

Don't act all high and mighty. Just because you have been married 12 years doesn't give you the license to say the things you say.

And if your comments for Priya were long over why do you keep writing back...if you are so secure about yourself and your character you would not bother to reply to what ppl think of you and snap back...Psycho!
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2006-06-14
#2
Name: satya
Subject:  Psycho who????
you or me.
I do have the license to post on this site,if you can't stand criticism you should stop posting here.
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2006-06-13
#3
Name: Chandrima
Subject:  Yeah satya
Birds of a weather do flock together that is why you are also on this forum and sharing your opinions.

Why are you taking Priya's issue so personally? She just asked a question, everyone replied..that is all.

I am not trying to suggest anything pls believe me..but I just feel like somewhere you feel have been wronged...it's just a vibe I am getting, I could be wrong. I sense anger & resentment in your tone.

cheer up, we are all here to read, and learn about situations happening in other ppls life, some times it helps us realise that we are better off or worse off..take care.
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2006-06-13
#4
Name: satya
Subject:  Hi Not satya!!!!
You don't know me or my family life to judge me buddy.My hubby knows me pretty well enough to understand my point of view or my marriage wouldn't have lasted for 12 yrs.If you have the conviction for what you say and if you can convince me logically do it,don't attack with personal statements.

What you did just now is passing a very very personal remark sweetie always check and know your limits when you cross that you are no diff,from the person or people who get down to using abusive languages.I have kept my decency so I expect the same from others.
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2006-06-13
#5
Name: satya
Subject:  Hi chandrima!!!!
Hi first and foremost let me make it clear that ,when somebody puts their words or opinions strongly it does not mean that the person has taken it personally,or is just expressing her anger,frustration or has been wronged,if you want to assume that I really can't help you.
I just wrote my view as to how many people came for her support.
This post has nothing to do with Priya,the prev one was only my comment on the no of people who support this issue.My comments for priya were long over.
What you did was taking it personally dear.
Though based on this I am going to post my thought very shortly.
Take care.
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2006-06-13
#6
Name: satya
Subject:  My oh My!!!!
Basically everybody has skeletons in their closets,also have to admit birds of a feather do really flock together.
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2006-06-13
#7
Name: not satya
Subject:  More sympathies to your husband.
Exactly now you said with your own words..Then why did you say'birds of the same feather flock together?..Do you know the personal lives of all these women who have posted here?...What do you mean by saying 'skeletons in the closet?'....Mind your words lady or rather Aunty
what you are doing is fooling around in here?.
& The most biggest joke in this entire forum is you saying 'I have kept my decency '???! Very Funny!
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2006-06-13
#8
Name: satya
Subject:  Not satya
I will pass on your sympathies to my hubby ,Thanks.
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2006-06-13
#9
Name: not satya
Subject:  My sincere sympathies...
Satya,
I pity your husband or anybody who KNOW you and who HAS to see you everyday.
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2006-06-12
#10
Name: Chandrima
Subject:  I agree with Amit
She has done nothing wrong, infact proven that some women still have their morals intact and can be firm with temptations.

We are all human beings, we all seek companionship and there is no harm in feeling attracted to another person if her intensions are not bad.

You have not cheated on your husband in anyway..never ever feel that way or have that guilt on your shoulders.

Men look at women all the time, they go thru porn too...does looking mean cheating?
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2006-06-12
#11
Name: Amit
Subject:  You rock girl!
Hi Priya,

First and foremost I would like to compliment you on your strong nature. You are so firm and knowing where you stand in whatever situation. Ofcourse this is just a pure guess from all the threads I have read of you writing so far.

As far your feelings go this is the most natural thing any human being can whether male or female. It is no different than admiring a celebrity or men appreciating beauty which we all do even married men. It would be hypocrital for any person to say they may look at someone attractive and not feel their heart flutter slightly.

So girl, please do not feel guilty because you have no attention of having an affair with this guy becuase if you did, you would go ahead, there is nothing stopping you. But you know what your limits are.

All the best and please do not feel low or down...as a man I am telling you that your feelings are fine and you have not wronged your husband.
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2006-06-12
#12
Name: Priya
Subject:  Hi to everyone that replied
Thank you all for your replies. Today I went to the gym in the afternoon as I have changed my timings from morning to afternoon and I did not feel anything. I guess this kind of feeling is just normal. You know when you see someone you feel good about it and then forget about it because it is not an important aspect of your life.

I do go out with my daughter and I am involved in mom & tot groups, we go swimming together. I also go out for coffee or lunches with some friends I have made in this new country.

The loneliness I feel sometimes is just of someone to talk too in the evening, just wanting someone to be by your side, to share a movie with or simply have dessert with. Once my daughter goes to sleep I have nothing to do, so I read or watch TV...but everyone will agree that sometimes you just want to have someone to talk to you by your side.

This also does not mean that I am in anyway looking to have an affair with someone.

I did not post my msg to gain any sort of sympathy, comfort or feel important.

So no sweat and thank you once again for replying.

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2006-06-12
#13
Name: What
Subject:  What are you thinking
Hi,
It is true that I never gave any advice to Priya. Guess I was just shocked by your usage of terms like'...you have cheated on your husband...'and ended up thinking that YOUR psychological problem is far greater and need of attention than Priya's question.Anyway since you never wanted any help or advice then it is none of my problem!.Sorry.
And Priya,...first thing don't ever feel that you have already done something wrong or feel low or guilty because of such comments from such people.
What you have felt is very natural and there is no HUMAN BEING in this world who have never experienced it.It is upto the actual nature of any person to chose the right path or the wrong from here.From what you have written it clearly looks like You are quite clear and strong with good values...So good going girl.Again,...it is perfectly normal to have such feelings and it is every person's willpower to fight it and control it.
If you think it is necessary you change your gym or timing...
It must be really challenging for you to take care of your little one all by yourselves ..You are doing good. I think you should still try to socialize more to fight your loneliness...May be make friends with your kids' friends' mommies and go for a playdate etc.,,
Goodluck!.
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2006-06-12
#14
Name: What
Subject:  What are you thinking Satya?...

\";Cheated your husband\";......oh god which world is this lady Satya from... I don't know....Gosh...All she(Priya) has written is 'she saw this guy, she got attracted and has asked is it ok to feel this way while she is really happily married to her husband'..thats it...Can't you give some decent tips or advices to her?...
Satya ..you got some real attitude problem!
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2006-06-12
#15
Name: satya
Subject:  To what !!!
What kind of tip or advice did you actually give her.Rather then digressing from the issue if you have some tips for her give it and go,don't get onto another kind of tussle.Why are you taking the spotlight from her and puttin it onto me.

Basically the human mentality,if somebody stands out (criticizing) you pounce on them and remove your frustration on them and lose the whole point of discussion ,if you have comments for Priya give it to her or just get lost.
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2006-06-12
#16
Name: satya
Subject:  To what!!!
I got an attitude problem,so ????

I live in the 15th century,so????

how does it make a difference to you miss goody two shoes????
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2006-06-11
#17
Name: Priya
Subject:  TO SATYA
Just to remind you this is an open thread and every person has a right to say what's on his mind.

So if you find I am fooling you, you did not need to reply to my msg in the first place ok.

And from your angry tone it seems like you are highly deprived of something yourself.

So take a break mate!
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2006-06-11
#18
Name: satya
Subject:  Just as i said!!!
You would only want people to mollycoddle you and tell you that what you did was nothing wrong.
First and foremost taking only bits and pieces of my comment and turning the tables on me if it reduces your guilt then go ahead and remove yor frustration.
JUST AS YOU SAID.I too have a right to post my comment whether its to your taste or not.THIS is an open forum.
Whether I said it this way or be it bhavana's way both of us said the same thing just with the exception that my way was very harsh.
But the truth remains that you have cheated your husband whether you like it or not.
Anyway good to see that good sense prevailed on you.
Anyways as Bhavana said its your life,and from my side truth always hurts.
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2006-06-11
#19
Name: Priya
Subject:  Thanks Bhavana
Thank you so much for your reply.

I don't blame my husband for me being alone. It is a choice that we have both made when he was taking up the job. It will not be permenant we have only one more year and then he will go back to do his PHD because I will return back to work.

Anyway, I have thought about this and have decided to change my gym timings completely to avoid meeting this guy. He is definitely not worth it.

But thank you Bhavana you have put it very nicely and in a very mature and intelligent way.
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2006-06-12
#20
Name: bhavan
Subject:  Hi dear priya!!
Sometimes people write stuff,ignore those comments.They may have their own frustrations and sadness that they remove it when they get an opportunity.

I am really happy for you about your decision.I did not help you dear you just made the decision yourself and helped yourself.See you don't need any help and you are a strong person.I can bet that you had already decided about it way b4 even I posted my comment.
Either way don't feel low,nor guilty.
All the best dear.
Just one question do you go out with the baby you know like evening walks,it might help you get more friends dear.Baby's always help you get more friends just try it but since you are alone also take care that you don't go out at the same time ok keep changing your timings.
All the best and take care.
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