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Joint Family:suggest me wat to do
2008-05-07
Name: piya Singh Hi

We had a love marriage .I belong to a Rich family while my hubby is from low status family.So my parents are nt speaking with me any more . I earn more than my hubby & I am well educated also . But whenever a turn come abbt family expensee I need to give whole salary to my hubby & even though my hubby is earning, my both bro_inlaw is earning. No one is taking intiative for family expenses. & whenever my Birthday or Marriage Annieversary came, I expect gift from my hubby. He used to give abuse to me or always use that kind of word which hurts me a lot . A surprise brings a smile on women' s face but I never felt happy in my hubby' s company on these special occasion. We are 13 family members & my salary take cares of everything of family expense .I am working with a MNC & I don' t seem to married . That' s why most of the guys are attracted towards to me But i never Tried to look at them bt these behaviour of my hubby upset me a lot.Plzzzzzzzz suggest me wat to do.



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2008-09-02
#1
Name: Amit
Subject:  Cheer Up
Hi
Piya ,take a close look at your surroundings..look back at your life and think what made u marry this guy?anylyse the reasons and find out whats best for you..i know its hard to take a decision but whenever we are not taking a decision ....somebody else is deciding for us...the situation in which you are caught up...cannot improve by itself ...you have to gather courage to speak to your husband about his ambitions..u have to ask him how he plans to support his marrige...beacuse this cannot go on and on...give him a time frame to improve things..so that at least he takes it seriously...
most of the times guys ..dont even know whats happening in the wife/woman\" s mind...
find out if he knows what torture you are going through...tell your demands clearly ...
Amit Vasistha
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2008-08-10
#2
Name: gig
Subject:  expenses
hey priya,

i was reading your post and i was wondering you said your salary takes care of all the family expenses. So i am wondering what is going o happen to the family if you leave?
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2008-07-07
#3
Name: prashant
Subject:  joint family
Hi, I feel in married life it does not make difference that who earns more. Because this u should have seen earlier, now do not think about it at all. what matters is how much u r syncronized with ur hubby. u can not take a role model, it will confuse u. Be somewhat open towards ur family (joint). some time happines comes in different way which we have never thought of. only part is that we have to change our frame.
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2008-05-27
#4
Name: piya
Subject:  show me the way
Hi
as I am working with MNC .I need to get passport within 20 days that' s why I am not able to left my hubby' s place with in these days.but in these I don' t have anyone with whom I can speak about my feelings. I feeling like commit to suicide & I am sorry that i didn' t tell you this earlier that I have a baby gal.Even I tried to spoke with my parents thru a family friend but that family friend met with an accident & she is bedridden for at least 1 month . now I have to wait until 20 Days so that I can get my passport easily. because I already applied for it. But sometimes I feel like a commiting suicide as I Have don' t anyone with whom I can share my feelings. I like to go for shopping, for a movie or for anywhere for a holiday but my hubby say' s it will going to spend money on useless things but when he goes for movie with his friends or brother then it' s not.he can go for outing or for movie but I cann' t . but i also have some feelings. I feel suffocated.I need my space.i feel like commiting suicide because I think no body cares about me . PLZZZZZZZZZZZ reply me wat to do
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2008-06-17
#5
Name: Rita
Subject:  Hang onto hope
Listen girl,
Hang on to hope. There is still hope for you. Whatever is happening to you right now, just hope for the best now. Just don´ t give in to despair or dwell on gloomy thoughts.

I am glad you´ ve made plans to leave your miserly man and your parasitic inlaws. Once you leave him behind, your life will improve for you and you´ ll be happier too. You´ ll see.

Smile and look forward to better days ahead.

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2008-05-13
#6
Name: Piya Singh
Subject:  Thnks bt suggest me
Thanks RITA , RIA , PIYALI but suggest me some ways so that I start hating him MORE & MORE , DAY BY DAY.
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2008-05-17
#7
Name: Ria
Subject:  you could try this......
Well when i wanted to get over my boyfrnd.. he cheated on me and i desptetly wanted to get over him... so i made a list of things which i hate abt him.. and i used to look at it every day and used to think of all the stress he has put me thru.. and i used to hate he even more. and one day when i looked at the list i was never angry or upset ... that was because i got over him and i had no feelings for him.
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2008-05-14
#8
Name: Rita
Subject:  It is not the end of the world.
Piya, If I were you, I would immediately pack my bags, leave the parasites behind and go over to stay with parents or siblings. And I would NEVER, NEVER look back.

If you ever decide to separate, why not call your parents, ask them if they could take you back. I´ m sure they welcome you home and also welcome the news of your separation. You tell your parents that you have learned your lessons, gained some wisdom, and that you wish to make a fresh start in life. That should suffice to win your parents´ forgiveness.
I´ m sure your parents will allow you to stay with them, until you get your life into order. After all, you are their flesh and blood. And they love you.

Once you leave your husband, he starts to change toward you, in behaviour and manners. First, he´ ll be over-friendly, putting on the sweet talks, air of romance, probably bringing gifts of flowers with the tag that says " I am sorry, my darling." or " I love you too much." That is what many false loves would do, when they want you back - only for your money.
If your husband´ s first attempt fails, he´ d try more other approaches, more sweet talks and more woes. Probably, he puts on the crocodile tears (perhaps with the help of onions), telling you how his heart is breaking. If he lies about his love for you, his eyes´ pupils won´ t dilate (only true love´ s eye pupils dilate) and you will see that.
My advice to you. Don´ t fall for your husband´ s sweet lies or accept his gift tokens. Truthfully, he values your money more than your friendship or love. Look at how he tells you to spend YOUR hard-earned money on his inlaws. You saw how he has treated you during the time of your marriage. He values your money most, certainly not your loyalty, love or your company. Now it´ s time that he learns to treat you with real respect, not contempt.

You are smart and well-educated. Use your intuition, ask yourself if your husband would ever improve his behaviour toward you, when once you leave him. I doubt he ever would. You cannot change the leopard´ s spots.

Believe me, I have, over the years, seen what money does to criminals and human parasites alike. I had bad experiences with their kinds and also I know their body language all too well.
For example, I was once shunned by some people who knew too little about me, when they mistakenly thought that I was jobless and worthless. But as soon as they learn of my resources, they SUDDENLY change from being nasty and snobbish to being over-friendly and greedy.
By nature, human parasites and criminals are all too much alike. THEY LOVE MONEY TOO MUCH - they do ANYTHING for money. Money is what they most think about. To them, money is more inportant than others´ true friendship, love or company. Their kinds love the sight of money, the sound of money, the feel of money, the smell of money and the taste of money. They love talking about money. When you talk money to them, you´ d immediately see that they are ALL BIG, BIG SMILES, WIDENED EYES and ALL EARS OPEN. You´ d see them reacting with constantly rubbing their hands together - the gesture suggesting absolute greed. They keep rubbing and rubbing their hands, until end of money talks.
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2008-05-13
#9
Name: Rita
Subject:  Pack your bags now and leave
Your mother-in-law can always receive financial supports not just from your husband, but also from her sons and daughters. Perhaps, she has more money than you think. Parasites always pretend to have less money than they let you know.
You should leave your husband and forget his parasitic in-laws. The longer you stay in abusive marriage, the more you lose your confidence and self esteem. The sooner you leave your husband, the better for you. If you stay longer, you will REGRET in the long run. So, leave him NOW. When you do that, you will be far happier. You get back your self-esteem and confidence.
HE DOES NOT LOVE YOU, with all the beatings he is giving you. You are not his donkey to be beaten and spat at.

Don' t tolerate any more nonsense from your husband and his relations. Pack your bags now and leave.
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2008-05-12
#10
Name: piya singh
Subject:  moved out on different from inlaws
Hi
We moved out from inlaws 7 months back but still his mother came every now & then crying in front of us regarding her financial condition & want money. & whenever I try to have a word with him regarding this issue .He used to beat me up & say that' s none of your business. he says that if you Cann' t be of your parents , how you can be mine. Just think i left my parents just because of him & he is treating me like this.I m planning to leave him after a month , when i have my salary as a saving so even I can stay in hostel or on rent somewhere. I want to stand on my own. But sometimes I lack my courage When i see this world all around. Wat To do ????
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2008-05-13
#11
Name: piyali
Subject:  you have to be bold
once your hubby comes to know of your plans he will try to emotionally bring you back but you have to be very very firm once you have made up your mind .he will either ignore you ,to make you feel sorry or may make him self look helpless and bichara kind to grab your sympathy .but you got to tell your self this that this is the guy who said those words " who can not be her parents will not be mine" .Honey uyou have to be really really strong.write a letter to your self when he says bad things again and when you move on read that letter when ever your emotions try to pull you back .You know try to also get support from your parents .it will help you .but remember this guy can go to extreme to make you feel sorry .also start gathjering some proofs like if you have checks paid for home utilites ,given money to any one in family .if you can record any thing or take picture of any abuse .this will all be back up if this guy goes to the ecxtent of harrassing you in court .but honey be strong .all then best
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2008-05-12
#12
Name: Ria
Subject:  Dnt worry..
Dnt worry abt the world... stop living for them, and start living for yourself. you got to be really brave, coz this is just the begining.. once your husband and inlaws cum to know you r leaving there are going to create more mess for you so you got to be brave and be strong and stand for what you want.. dnt givin to them so easily and balack mails as well.

Why cant you go back to your parents they might support u... and you will be be more safe frm your inlaws.

And your husband and inlaws only care abt your money and nothing else.. so its now or never for you...
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2008-05-12
#13
Name: piyali
Subject:  move on
why why why do u worry about your hubby .you know what there will be lots lots of emotional blakmails like ,your hubby wil try to remind you of ove he had for you ,try to threaten you with suicide etc .Why will any one want to loose a cash cow .
MOVE ON dont fall into emotional trap .
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2008-05-11
#14
Name: Rita
Subject:  Yours is not a love marriage.
Hi Piya,
I tell you this. Walk out on your husband now and don' t ever look back. He and his family are nothing but selfish, thankless parasites, who believe in all takes, all grabs and no gives. Why on earth did you marry him for?

By the way, yours is NOT a love marriage, but precisely a self-arranged marriage. To your husband, it is a marriage of convenience, in fact, a sham marriage. Your husband married you only for your hard-earned money. Look at how he' s treating you. He has never given you gifts, not even one word of gratitude. Instead, he gives you abuse and takes everything you earn by hard work. How dare your in-laws depend on you for your money? How dare they use you? That is their complete disrespect to you.

You have to learn this hard truth from me. Most human parasites lack respect for all givers. Most likely, they have contempt for all soft-hearted, generous givers, whom they regard as fools. You give them gifts like money and they consider you a fool for having done that. It is plainly obvious that you are being used for your money.

You should walk out on your husband NOW and forget supporting him and his ungrateful in-laws.
You deserve a better husband than a selfish, thankless parasite.
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2008-05-10
#15
Name: Ria
Subject:  Move on
Well i do agree with moving on in life. Why dnt you talk to your husband openly abt how you feel and if he wants to make this marriage works he has to meet you half way. Trying moving out of joint family and rent a place, may be things will be better since you will have privacy.

Domestic Violence is not acceptable, if you dnt stop he will continue. Its up to up if you want to make it continue or stop.

Talk to your parents or your sibblings for help, it does not hurt there are your parents i guess even you hurn them by getting married to someone they did not appvove.. so no hard feelings.

Do not plan a baby... A Big no till every thing is resolved.

If your husband still shows no signs of making your marriage work... then Please Move on.. Life is too short to cry on things which do not work... get a life and move. You diffently need someone better.

Cheer' s
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2008-05-08
#16
Name: piyali
Subject:  move on
my suggestion would appear little shocking but if you were my sister i would ask you to move on ,leave a man who doesnt care for you and doesnt respect the fact that this lady has broken her ties with her family because of me .
IF YOU DONT MOVE OUT TODAY YOU WILL REGRET IT LATER LIKE ME .AFTER YOU HAVE KIDS .WE GET JUST ONE LIFE IT ALL DEPENDS ON US TO MAKE IT GOOD OR BAD
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2008-05-08
#17
Name: piya
Subject:  piyali regarding move on
Hi
I am also thinking of move on but I am thinking that even though My parents are going to accept me. & even my hubby´ s parent are also not interested in taking care of his son. whether he is going to die or live . his parents want only MONEY not their son..... By seeing the behaviour of my inlaws towards me & their son I getting confused day by day. p[lzzzzzzzzzzzzz suggest me wat to do
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