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Role of in-laws:practical suggestions to pataofy ur MIL

2007-06-12

Name: practical suggestions to pataofy ur MIL Hi,
I am in a situation that most of our indian bahus are....Hate their MIL' s to the core because of their cunning and evil ways and the sone being tied to their mom' s pallu and wont speak a word in the wife' s defence.
Please gimme practical suggestions as to how to butter ur MiL though u hate her to the core and make her feel her bahu is the most loving and dedicated bahu ever. Coz that way the husband really becomes happy as his mom is being taken care of so well by his wife.I really cant think of anything as I cant even think of doing an act as its not my nature at all....
I am in deep trouble for being frank abt my MIl' s behaviour to my husband and for wanting to stand up fr my rights.But my Inlaws r so wicked that they crushed me right away. So I wanna use the other method now....which I guess is the most popular

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2007-06-17

Name: Rose
Subject:

things which cannot be cured should be endured

This happens in every woman' s life. nothing to worry be happy and convey that you are not bothered by their activities. But try not to fool you too much by being goody goody. But if the husband does not like coming out of the family you have to endure. Few tips a) tell her you that u r great than my mohter (V. BIG LIE)
b) Whatever she wears either new or old praise that you look too good in this sari (what else will please a lady if one says that you are looking good/ gorgeous etc)
c) tell her that i am too happy to have you as MIL as you have given me a great guy as husband
d) buy small gifts to her and if you have a sister in law get her too that ' d make your MIL more happy.
e) If you are truly patient and kind, love her deep from your heart which ' d definitely do wonders though not immediately but in a long run

WISH YOU GOOD LUCK

2007-06-13

Name: dia
Subject:

sorry dear!

If this question was arised before 2 months...I would have definitely given lot of suggestions....But now I just hate myself being nice to them when they r always ready to take good from us. When they dont deserve our kind behaviour, we just dont need to look for their appraisal. Just being good ,thats it. Being acc to our nature. thats it!
When we cant do any cunning actions its better being normal ...I dont really want to give soem gifts to her now. Its nothing but Just loosing our hearts later.

As SR told being extra nice when hubby is around is good idea...but i cant praise her now. My heart is really not finding any positives now...probably it lasts till I melt down in her next presence with her sugar coated words.

2007-06-14

Name: SR
Subject:

Damn right

Damn right Dia.. if I had lost it, I would have been in big trouble....when I told my husband his mum had lost it.. he did not say anything.
Never mind... been 2 days at new place and loving it. Husband is happy there too.

2007-06-14

Name: dia
Subject:

Congrats!

Congrats on ur move,SR!
luckily I´ m not in joint family Or would have ended up with so many things going in mind which r vary minude to tell hubby and very severe to myself.

yes , u were right, just spoiling atmosphere for a set is not suitable for us. But I´ m sure ,if it were u to loose that set ,definitely she would have made it a scene that ur hubby scold u harsh.:)That is the difference.

2007-06-13

Name: SR
Subject:

Hi Dia

Dia,

Yes I agree with you.. sometimes when you try to be nice, they can take advantage of you and situation gets worse.

Now when this happens, I suggest be very firm.

You know - being nice can be very dangerous as well. They can walk all over you.. then suddenly you become firm etc.. they keep saying you´ ve changed...you´ re now showing your true colours etc.. so its best to be firm from the start sometimes.

Thinking about it - its a no-win situation for us DILs.
If you husbands agree, then best thing is to live separately. I kind off moved to my own place yesterday.. trust me in a day MIL´ s changed... she is so helpful etc etc... I think she thinks that now if she horrible with me... she will lose her son.. she makes extra effort for me.. while I am setting up my place, she sends food for me. We are not very far from inlaws..a phone call away if they need any help etc. Since yesterday I like her better than the 2 years I have lived with her.

2007-06-13

Name: SR
Subject:

Some suggestions.....

Hi,

Hope you are well.

Here are some suggestions that might work:

Get your MIL gifts - they do not need to be expensive..pick them up from a local market etc.. and always present them to her infront of Husband. Now if she does not like the gift, she will say oh look what rubbish she has given me. Then you can tell your husband how much effort you made and gave it with love and MIL does not appreciate. Or if MIL likes the gift, she will be happy and thank you hopefully infront of husband then he can see you did things which made her happy.

You can praise MIL to hubby.. your MUM is so nice.. really works hard etc.. I know its difficult to do this!! But it works!! Trust me. You can praise MIL directly infront of hubby.

When hubby is around, don' t let MIL do any work.. MUmmyji please rest. its not your age to do work now.. I will take care of things. Guaranteed to work )

To get into a man' s heart, sometimes cooking his favourite dishes according to his own taste works as well. Try and cook better than his mum.

Do not say anything bad about your MIL to your husband.. absolutely nothing!! Always praises. Fake them if you have to.

Hmmm - can' t think of anything else...

Girls - keep posting.

2007-06-13

Name: SR
Subject:

Necklace

Hi Dia

I never got round to asking for it... just got an opportunity to ask if MIL had the chance to look for necklace properly...
And after that my property thing started happening. .. and I mived yesterday to MY OWN place... so I have decided to let it go. Did not feel like spoiling things for a set... my husband has already given me what my wish was.. my own place.. and MIL´ s attitude is OK now too. If I ask for a replacement set, he will buy for me... but to be honest I am quite content now. I am just happy with being able to lead my life the way I want to.

2007-06-13

Name: dia
Subject:

hey SR

hi SR,
Did u get ur necklace set back from mil? how did u manage?

Somehow , I lost faith in being goody goody and looking for feedback, SR!
i realised fact that ..At the end, no DIL would get rewarded for it. atleast not being blamed is a big deal in loong run.

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