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Miscarriage and Child Loss:lost my baby
2004-12-26
Name: kittu All

I Just want to share this with you all, as I am not in a position to talk to people around me.
We have a 3 years old daugther and waiting to have one more child. In July we found that I am pregnant and very happy about that. First four months I was miserable with morning sickness but getting along for my baby. I want a boy naturally as first one is a girl and my husband wants a girl as he thinks, sisters will do better in sharing and bonding etc.

We were waiting for our 20 weeks scanning to find the sex of the baby and we didn't think of any thing else.
Since that point we never heard of any abnormalities with unborns in friends or anybody we known. We were so existed that we coudn't sleep that night and the appointment was at 8.30 next morning.

The technician told us everthing looks great and it is a boy. We were very happy, but she stopped at the heart and started taking lot of measurements and doing lot of analysis and she called a radiologist in to the room.
We suspected that some thing is going wrong and thought some minor issues.

The radiologist told us that he couldn't see baby heart properly and he thinks 2 air chambers are not formed well and there is no way for the blood to pass through lungs and many more. We were devastated and praying that this is misunderstanding of this person and everything will be all right. They asked us to come again next morning so that different doctor can do the scanning and he said the same thing. And our OB refered us to other special risk maternity hospital, after 4 days we got the appointment and the doctor spend 2 hours scanning taking measurements and mean time the technician in the room told that our boy is very active and possibly nothing is wrong with him. We can cleary see that baby is playing with toes with his hands. I am so happy to hear those postive words first time in a week and it gave us little hope. But at the end doctor confirmed us that there are more than one problem and the heart seems to be very complicated. And he immediately called perdiatric cardiologist and got the appointment next day morning. We got devestated by these happenings and I want my baby so badly and praying for the last hope. We met the cardiologist next day and she is very sweet lady and she spend lot of time with scanning and doing echos of the heart etc and told us the same thing. Baby has almost 3 heart problems and requires nearly 3 major heart surgeries.One after birth, another at 6 months and another at 3 years. And lifelong he has to be in medication to prevent blood cloting. And he can't be a normal child and will be in restrictions for playing etc. And survival after each operation will be minimum. And also she showed us the pictures of her patients , some of them already died.
At her office we take our decision to terminate the pregnancy. If the baby is born, we will grow lot of affection for him and it will be very difficult to live with those memories once he dies after 1 year or sometime later. Also it will be a big punishment for the baby to go through all these medical things and he may feel bad that he is not a normal child like others.
It was like a bad dream that is happening to us and how much I don't want. And in next day my OB called to set the appointment to terminate the pregnancy. I am a living hell that point onwards. We had no courage to see the baby after he is delivered. And I say goodbye to him within my self and praying and crying for him silently.
Since then I am not taking any calls and not encouraging people to come over express thier sympathies. I am unable to discuss this with anybody else.

I am very sorry for this long message, but I found a place where I can express my feelings without feeling bad about it.
I hope god will do some thing good in future for parents like us.

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2007-01-24
#1
Name: abc
Subject:  heartfelt...
hi kittu,

today i read your mail..feltlike answering you.i have also gone to the same pain.i lost my baby in 6 months.my BP shot up so i had to be hospitalized.they did my U/S and found out abnormalities in baby.babay was small and my amniotic fluid was also less.they didn tell me but decided to terminate immediately.i was sooooooooooooooo upset and devasted.after delivering the child they did some test and found out the it was a case of trisomy 18,which is a rare genetic disorder but fatel.even if baby is delivered the survival chances a re less.i went to all possible sites on internet to get as much information as possible.i was so unhappy.i had heard of trisomy 21 but not 18. it left me in tears. docors knew my baby was not proper so they terminated.but then kittu life has to move on.i still rem my child.it was a girl...we saw it in karyotyping report.i hope all the best for you in future.
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2005-11-22
#2
Name: jo
Subject:  dont worry leave it to god
your message made me to cry...really my sister had the same problem but she had twins ....i can understand your feeling....
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2005-08-28
#3
Name: radha
Subject:  me too
we had the u/s for the gender & the doc said that the baby was too small & amniotic fluid was low and said it could be a case of trisomy 18 as I had tested positive for the risk earlier.
I have to go for a CVS & then later for termination if cvs comes positive.Doc was really negative & said he would even tell us to terminate without even doing furthur tests.I am devastated....I got preg after trying for 1-2yrs & they said it could be a girl.
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2005-01-17
#4
Name: prema
Subject:  hi
hi be strong,
atleast this is ur 2nd cchild but i was 29 weeks pregnant and first time mother and i lost my boy baby as the same case but the problem was his spinal cord havnt growed fully
cheer up my friend god is great
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2005-01-02
#5
Name: Janaky
Subject:  Be Strong
Have faith. It will be tough for some time. But you will be certainly glad about your decision later. No mom want their childern to suffer for a long time. He will come to you again with more strength with more love. When we are sad think about the people who are less fourtnate than us, our problems will melts away and be strong. Life is not easy and each experience should make us strong to face the next one. BE strong .You can face anything now. Never give up. Be model for you girl.

Cry a lot and get over it.
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2004-12-29
#6
Name: mm
Subject:  sorry to hear that
hello kittu
i know exactly how you feel. i went through a similar scenario. i had gone for my amniocentesis and md discovered a hand anomaly. we also had decided to terminate the pregnancy for the sake of our daughter(ultrasound had confirmed that it was a girl) and us. we did not want her to feel abnormal.

just have faith in
God and he will take care of you.

wishing you the best for the future.
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2004-12-29
#7
Name: mm
Subject:  sorry to hear that
hello kittu
i know exactly how you feel. i went through a similar scenario. i had gone for my amniocentesis and md discovered a hand anomaly. we also had decided to terminate the pregnancy for the sake of our daughter(ultrasound had confirmed that it was a girl) and us. we did not want her to feel abnormal.

just have faith in
God and he will take care of you.

wishing you the best for the future.
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2004-12-29
#8
Name: Gudiya
Subject:  Have faith in God
Kittu
Have faith in God.I am going through the same thing,though its at a very early stage & doctor says that after completion of 11-12 weeks only the sonography can detect any problems,I am also waiting & praying.Always remember that quality of life is very important for both parents & children,you took the right deceision.So try to forget ,keep calm & have faith in God.I know he has already planned something beautiful for you for the future.
Thake care
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2004-12-29
#9
Name: kittu
Subject:  Thanks
Thank you all for your wishes and understanding.
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2004-12-29
#10
Name: shalini
Subject:  Have faith in God
Hi Kitty,
I can understand what u must be going through.Have faith in God.I know its not an easy time for you but can only tell you that u have taken the right decision .But do socialize.Most of your friends who offer you sympathy are genuine.No point in isolating yourself.You owe a normal and healthy upbringing to your daughter.Heres wishing u a happy future.
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2004-12-29
#11
Name: Nicky
Subject:  Have faith and Hope!
Hi Kitty

Its very sad to know what you have been through...and its only you who can feel this pain. We as readers can offer our sympathies and can encourage you to pull along..Have faith in God and whatever he gives you. You'll definitely get it when the time is right. Its good that you realized and foresaw what yr child would have gone through, it indicates that you still have positive frame of mind. Just pull yrself together and carry on! Thank God for what you have...adore yr little daughter and dont worry..God will definitely have a nice gift for you again!
Try to normalize yrself..socialize yrself and above all try to accept the reality. Running away from it will scare you more. Just maintain yr faith and keep ur hopes high!
You will have good times soon...thazz what I wish for you!

Take care...Nicky
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2004-12-27
#12
Name: Sudha
Subject:  I Can understand
Hi Kittu,

Its sad and I can understand what phase you must be going through. But happy with your courage and decision. I strongly feel time is best medicine (After my 1st miscarriage I was thinking that will never able to forgot that exterience but now things seems to be normal).

Please keep faith in God, whatsver happens in our life, it happens for good only.

Please take rest and do whatever you feel, don't compel yourself for doing anything which you don't want to do. You can ask your husband to handle friends and family who calls or come home for sometime.
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2004-12-29
#13
Name: kittu
Subject:  Thanks
Thank you all for your wishes and understanding.
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