Read more about Purnima Mirchandani's foray into the unchartered territory of motherhood, and how she coped. Her daughter is now a teenager. Was it all worth it? Does her daughter love her like her own? Find out.
My life revolved around Malavika. I could not see beyond her. The first few months I became obsessed with her. I would get upset if someone came to see her when she was asleep and put the light on to look at her, because she may wake up. My world was the sight of Malavika and what it would take to make her happy and gurgle in delight. That toothy smile of hers banished all the pain that I had had for years from my heart. My husband, who had never held a baby in his arms before this (despite having five nephews and nieces), was caught up by her smile and would spend hours with her after he came back from work - playing with her and sponging her small body - seeing her gurgle and laugh in joy. He loved to see her angelic smile in her sleep. I used to say that we should have named her Mohini (charmer) - because she charmed everyone who came to see her. When she smiled at us, our heart swelled up with tenderness and the feeling that she was ours - forever!
Of course it is not always heaven - there are the usual parenting difficulties, the days when you wonder if you are doing the right thing, things that you may have to forgo because her wants come first - but these things are never in the forefront of my mind - they are immaterial. My focus is our daughter and every other pleasure fades in comparison. I love to hear the laughter coming from her room when her friends are over, and to see the true love they have for her - knowing her story they love her as deeply as we do. When she goes to her friend's house for the day, the house feels so empty that I wait for her to come back and tell me what happened that day - all her experiences with her friends, all the hurts, the joys - everything. And I wonder - if I did not have this crazy, cute, funny, sweet little daughter of mine - where would I be? I would be lost!
She is the joy of our lives and the bane too! She drives me to the limits of my patience, and at other times she makes me soar high up in the sky with joy. Her very hug makes me feel so special - as if my very life depends on her being. The joy she has given us and continues to give us is the succor that we needed. Without her, our lives were not as full of fun and laughter, moments of pure happiness that we could never have had if we were just the two of us.
She is now a teenager, and my attachment is so fierce - it takes my breath away. In the past, there have been times my husband and my sister have told me that I was overdoing it - being too over attached to her. I try and balance it out; but can you imagine what it is like - having a dream and being able to live it!
To adopt is to take as one's own. This child of ours is "our own" - we cannot imagine life without her. I never dreamt that I could love her so much. There were times that I used to wonder whether she would love me as much as I do her - these have been answered hundredfold over the years. I guess if we could love her as our own, why would it be different for her - we are her parents - the ones who have seen her through all her highs and her lows - who are there for her always!
Name:
Wellwisher,
Country: U.S.A.
congratulations on motherhood and a well-written article. hope to get many more such articles from you
with your experiences. by the way, i also adopted a baby girl and i went through all the emotions you had..from infertility treatments to holding our daughter in our arms...i understood every word that you had wriiten from my heart!!! we also had a huge celebration and it was overwhelming to get a lot of goodwill. now, everyone from my parents' street in india wants to know about the baby's progress and everything. take care, enjoy motherhood and keep writing....all the best to you...
Name:
malini,
Country: India
hi friend, congratulations for a new life in yr life, i felt so good after reading yr article, actually i m at the midle stage of poking, and now kind of getting irritated by all that, lets hope i get a baby soon or else will surely go for an adoption.
Name:
Feli,
Country: India
hi, congratulations. god bless you and your family. indeed you are very lucky to have a caring, loving and understanding mother. all the best... take care and enjoy every step of motherhood.
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