Read more about Purnima Mirchandani's foray into the unchartered territory of motherhood, and how she coped. Her daughter is now a teenager. Was it all worth it? Does her daughter love her like her own? Find out.
My life revolved around Malavika. I could not see beyond her. The first few months I became obsessed with her. I would get upset if someone came to see her when she was asleep and put the light on to look at her, because she may wake up. My world was the sight of Malavika and what it would take to make her happy and gurgle in delight. That toothy smile of hers banished all the pain that I had had for years from my heart. My husband, who had never held a baby in his arms before this (despite having five nephews and nieces), was caught up by her smile and would spend hours with her after he came back from work - playing with her and sponging her small body - seeing her gurgle and laugh in joy. He loved to see her angelic smile in her sleep. I used to say that we should have named her Mohini (charmer) - because she charmed everyone who came to see her. When she smiled at us, our heart swelled up with tenderness and the feeling that she was ours - forever!
Of course it is not always heaven - there are the usual parenting difficulties, the days when you wonder if you are doing the right thing, things that you may have to forgo because her wants come first - but these things are never in the forefront of my mind - they are immaterial. My focus is our daughter and every other pleasure fades in comparison. I love to hear the laughter coming from her room when her friends are over, and to see the true love they have for her - knowing her story they love her as deeply as we do. When she goes to her friend's house for the day, the house feels so empty that I wait for her to come back and tell me what happened that day - all her experiences with her friends, all the hurts, the joys - everything. And I wonder - if I did not have this crazy, cute, funny, sweet little daughter of mine - where would I be? I would be lost!
She is the joy of our lives and the bane too! She drives me to the limits of my patience, and at other times she makes me soar high up in the sky with joy. Her very hug makes me feel so special - as if my very life depends on her being. The joy she has given us and continues to give us is the succor that we needed. Without her, our lives were not as full of fun and laughter, moments of pure happiness that we could never have had if we were just the two of us.
She is now a teenager, and my attachment is so fierce - it takes my breath away. In the past, there have been times my husband and my sister have told me that I was overdoing it - being too over attached to her. I try and balance it out; but can you imagine what it is like - having a dream and being able to live it!
To adopt is to take as one's own. This child of ours is "our own" - we cannot imagine life without her. I never dreamt that I could love her so much. There were times that I used to wonder whether she would love me as much as I do her - these have been answered hundredfold over the years. I guess if we could love her as our own, why would it be different for her - we are her parents - the ones who have seen her through all her highs and her lows - who are there for her always!
Name:
Wellwisher,
Country: U.S.A.
congratulations on motherhood and a well-written article. hope to get many more such articles from you
with your experiences. by the way, i also adopted a baby girl and i went through all the emotions you had..from infertility treatments to holding our daughter in our arms...i understood every word that you had wriiten from my heart!!! we also had a huge celebration and it was overwhelming to get a lot of goodwill. now, everyone from my parents' street in india wants to know about the baby's progress and everything. take care, enjoy motherhood and keep writing....all the best to you...
Name:
malini,
Country: India
hi friend, congratulations for a new life in yr life, i felt so good after reading yr article, actually i m at the midle stage of poking, and now kind of getting irritated by all that, lets hope i get a baby soon or else will surely go for an adoption.
Name:
Feli,
Country: India
hi, congratulations. god bless you and your family. indeed you are very lucky to have a caring, loving and understanding mother. all the best... take care and enjoy every step of motherhood.
Name:
Purnima,
Country: India
yes - she knows about it and has been wondeful about it - and it does make for another article. will do so!
Name:
anonymous,
Country: India
part 2 was equally interesting..my question is does the girl know that she's adopted and how did she handle it? that would have been an useful experience for the readers. i ask this as an adoptive mother myself. i hear some have taken it very well and there
are few that seem to get upset. your experience in this would be very helpful. very positive and upbeat article otherwise..
Name:
Radhika,
Country: India
purnima,
gr8 to read thru the three parts...really appreciate your decision to adopt a baby . the third part wherein u tried to explain to ur daughter that she was adopted child, is rlaly mind blowing...i mean, u wud have undergone so much mental homework to answer her questions and to deal with her .well hats off to u ma'm.
Name:
swati,
Country: India
one of my cousin's has adopted a child after haing two of her own - one boy and one girl! she really wanted to do good to the society. hats off to her becasue she is a working mother.
Name:
Asha Bhoumick,
Country: India
it is heartening to read this article. she is lucky that she managed to fulfil her dream of adoption. my dream of adopting a girl child (i have a bilogical son who is six and a half years old) reamins a dream. i have tried getting in touch with many agencies but to no avail.
Name:
adoptve mother,
Country: Singapore
we 've an 18 year old son whom we actually adopted as a premature born baby. we were at a loss at the 'right' age of how to let him know 'the truth' . i wish this article eas available then to help us. anyways hats off to this lady whose done a great job of a mother . really i enjoyed reading this article and have been waiting for the bits to develop and share my experiences . every parent goes thorugh this .
Name:
wellwisher,
Country: India
could not finish reading the article
without tears in my eyes...look forward
to the remaining story...we haven't told our daughter yet and i have heard that it is in schools the kids start talking and some of them are mean without realizing it...yours is a delicate narration...all the best
Name:
sandhya,
Country: U.S.A.
hey poornima,
loved your article and the honesty in it came right through. i am so fortunate to have friends like you who have been able to deal with life in such a positive vein.
lots of love to malavika.
Name:
prachi,
Country: India
ur article was very touching.i m also looking for adopting a girl between 3-5yr old.please help, v r in hyderabad.hw old was she when u adopted her?
Name:
NILIMA MEHTA,
Country: India
straight from the heart...a beautiful journey..and shared with so much sensitivity!!! and also a perfect combination of head and heart...
Name:
Mahisha,
Country: India
hi,
i felt very good reading ur experience. gods way of healing people is very tremendous. and tremendous are those who realize that. i salute to the great mother and the motherhood who could bring this truth to her daughter.
love u and be happy.
wish u all very happy holi
Name:
Binu Advani,
Country: India
beautifully written and at the same time so informative.good luck - enjoy
life's long journey together !
Name:
sree,
Country: Canada
hi
i was really touched by ur article u r really lucky in having ur whole family support on that issue and u have done a great job heres wishing u both a wonderful future ahead
Name:
Kamlu Gulrajani,
Country: U.S.A.
excellent article. thanks for sharing.looking forward to updates on malvika's progress and your family life.good luck!
Name:
Purnima,
Country: India
this is for prachi and anyone else who wants to know more. click on my name under the title and the email address is there where you can write to me.
Name:
Nandita,
Country: India
hi,it was wonderful reading about your journey;i've started a similar journey two and half years ago and often wonder in nights like tonight 'how would she take it'; she is a bubbly 3 year old now and we are about to bring home a baby brother for her. though i am confident i'd be able to deal with the task, sometimes it terrifies me. i just hope my babies would grow up to be happy and content individuals; i must thank my wonderful family evryone of which has boosted my confidence.
Name:
Karishma,
Country: India
o mi god!!! this true life incident is really amazing and i am also thinking going in for adoption after reading u dear purnima. i am also longing to have a child but i guess fate has something else in store for me. i am tired of all the doctors that i am seeing. i am just hoping that i form enuf courage to go in for adopting a baby girl!!!!
all the best to u and lots of love to malavika.
Name:
life is good,
Country: U.S.A.
congratulations and bless you and your family.
we've adopted 2 girls from india (my husband and his family is from india). our oldest is now 4.5 and we recently brought home our second daughter who is 1.5. parenting, adopted or not, and family is a lifelong journey (or rollercoaster ride). i experience motherhood as a science project....enjoying it everyday.
thanks for sharing, providing perspective, and good luck
Name:
Honey,
Country: India
i have adopted a babygirl, she was 6mnths when she came home,now she is 15mnths.she is chirpy and full of life and loves me unconditional. but i am very anxios as to how she will react when she knows,i hope she doesnot doubt my love,i hope my daughter reacts like yours.
Name:
adoptve mother,
Country: Singapore
purnima, i could never finish these articles witout a smile on my face and tears in my eyes. i have gone through the very same experiences as you and then decided adoption. sometimes i feel that the attachment that i have with my 18 yr old son is so fierce-would i have it if i has given birth. my siblings and cousins as well as inlaws tell me not to be overprotective and let ho , but i jsut can't do it. i have sacrificed so much for him that i can't loose my son now ! if i send him overseas to study i sometimes feel i will just go along as the bond is so fierce that i cannot break it !. the strength of love that adoption brings , probablly no other form of love will bring !
Name:
adoptve mother,
Country: Singapore
we 've an 18 year old son whom we actually adopted as a premature born baby. we were at a loss at the 'right' age of how to let him know 'the truth' . i wish this article eas available then to help us. anyways hats off to this lady whose done a great job of a mother . really i enjoyed reading this article and have been waiting for the bits to develop and share my experiences . every parent goes thorugh this .
purnima, i could never finish these articles witout a smile on my face and tears in my eyes. i have gone through the very same experiences as you and then decided adoption. sometimes i feel that the attachment that i have with my 18 yr old son is so fierce-would i have it if i has given birth. my siblings and cousins as well as inlaws tell me not to be overprotective and let ho , but i jsut can't do it. i have sacrificed so much for him that i can't loose my son now ! if i send him overseas to study i sometimes feel i will just go along as the bond is so fierce that i cannot break it !. the strength of love that adoption brings , probablly no other form of love will bring !
Name:
mini,
Country: India
i was touched and am slowly telling my 5 yr daughter that she is adopted by telling her stories where little children come in dream and how mother goes to find that child but at this age also they here carefully weighing each word like why such dreams come etc so it has to be dealt with honesty but gently may god giv us the wisdom and guide us so that our lovely kids do not feel hurt
